I don’t get that far (Sanakia Heroine route)

The story thus far

Mari Beta has joined the Rasheul Great **** Tournament. After many hard won battles he had advanced all the ways to the final.

Victory was at last in striking distance, however his final opponent was Minerva Margaret, three time champion and freshly transformed Dark Lord. Dark Lords are in possession of an invincibility field, rendering almost all conventional attacks useless against them. With this, Mari’s chance of victory was near zero.

Having no other options, Mari turned towards the Devil Femto to gain the powers needed to win this fight. The Devil was more then happy to help, however, the price for that help is Mari’s soul.

Beyond the Devil’s contract, there was one other plan in motion. A certain Sexy-Knight set out on a quest to find the legendary Holy Blade Nikkou, one of the weapons capable of penetrating a Dark Lord’s invincibility field.

Naturally, nobody believed that the Galmon had any chance of success in this ridiculous endeavor.

With only a few hours until the signing of the contract, all hope seemed lost.

“My Looooooooooooooooooooooooord!”

Sanakia barreled herself out of the elevator the moment the door opened, followed by a much more reserved Maria.

Oh, right, it was just shy before seven. The Sexy-Knight sure missed a lot but frankly I was quite happy that something had her occupied during all this.

“Welcome back, you two”, I greeted them. “You are just in time for dinner.”

“NEVER MIND DINNER!”, Sanakia screamed out and then gasped. “M-My apologies, my Lord! Please forgive my rudeness. B-but I have news! Important news! Unbelievably important news that are very important!”

The giddy Galmon barely managed to contain herself. She was extremely excited. Even more so then usual.

…

Hold on.

That massive outburst. The eager look on her face. I looked at Sanakia then at Maria who gave me a knowing smile.

Don’t tell me...

“Jings and Crivens!”, Fisti gasped. “Yer pulling me leg here, Sana?”

“Did you…”

I didn’t even want to say it out loud.

“Did you actually find the fucking sword?”, Cassandra completed the question for me.

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!”

Oh.

Yeah, not sure what I was expecting. Of course she didn’t.

“But! But! But! But!”, the Sexy-Knight jumped up and down excitedly, sending her boobs bouncing in the process. “I KNOW WHERE IT IS LOCATED!”

…

..

.

“Rasheul Labyrinth?”

This was important enough information that we had the rest of the girls join us at table.

“Ah, that old place”, Cassandra scratched her head and took a swig of her booze. “Yeah, guess it’s a thing. Feena went down there couple of times. Got some pretty good stuff out of her troubles.”

“Uhu, even accompanied her once”, Sylphid added, for some reason with a lewd grin. “It’s a very...fuuuuuun dungeon.”

I don’t like how you stretched that word.

“I’m afraid, I’m not familiar with the dungeon”, I had to admit. Not that I’m particular familiar with any dungeon.

“It fell out of fashion”, Cassandra continued her explanation. “Fuck huge dungeon beneath the city. Was the reason Rasheul was funded, some centuries ago. Nowadays, no one gives a shit about it anymore.”

“And in this very huge dungeon!”, Sanakia pointed out eagerly. “On floor forty-two to be precise, is were the holy blade Nikkou is resting, solemnly awaiting the arrival of it’s worthy wielder!”

All of us, for a moment at least, were silent.

“Well, I really hate to doubt your, no doubt, very well founded claim, Sexy”, Beatrice eventually broke said silence. The ex-witch still wasn’t too keen on me or Femto. But this news seemed to have brought back her usual, haughty self. “But pray tell, were did you come across this invaluable information?”

Sanakia grinned proudly. “As I was scavenging the town in my pursuit of the holy blade, I happen to chance upon a particularly unkempt, funny smelling fellow in dirty yellow armor hiding himself in a dingy back alley. The good fellow was clearly **** with some strong spirits, which is why he offered me this tremendously valuable information about the Holy Blades whereabouts for a measly 100 Gold coins!”

...

...Mariaaaaa….you were supposed to prevent stuff like thaaaaaaaat!

“My apologies, Master Beta”, Maria politely bowed. “It was just that Lady Sanakia was so elated about spending your money. It felt wrong to deprive her of her joy.”

100 Goldcoins...aaahh…I know I’m rich now, but back in Helman that’s six months worth of wages!

“Very well”, Hebi-san nodded. “Mari Beta, we hereby order you to venture into this dungeon and retrieve the sword. Do it immediately!”

Aiju joined in the nodding. “Bring back food too. Am done with eating. Mice are fine.”

Can I just go in the void now? Please Femto just take me. I’m ready.

“Yes!” Sanakia was pretty much gleaming with pride upon this glowing endorsement. “My Lord! Let us depart at once upon this epic quest! Your destiny awaits deep down the dangerous and deathly dungeons of Rasheul Labyrinth!”

Haaaa...

How do I let the excitable Sexy-Knight down gently?

“Sanakia, you said the sword was on floor 42, right?”

The Galmon nodded eagerly.

“Look. There’s no way we make it all the way down there in time.”

Sanakia blinked confused. “Why not?”

S-seriously?

Yes, I know very little about dungeons but even I did not live such a sheltered life to be oblivious to the fact that clearing even a single floor of a dungeon was far beyond what an amateur could pull off. Dungeon diving is a gruesome and arduous affair, reserved only for experienced adventurers.

Which suffice to say, I was not.

And even if I were, clearing even a single dungeon floor takes at least an hour. Most likely more.

This was utterly and completely impossible.

“Eh, not necessarily”, Sylphid piped in.

Please don’t encourage her.

But Sylphid gave me that look. The bad one. The one were she smirks. “Thing is, Handsome, there’s a teleporter crystal that allows you to skip floors in intervals of ten. You can get straight down to floor 40 from the entrance.”

“That is amazing news, my Lord!”, Sanakia gushed.

No, it isn’t!

“So yeah. That means we only have three floors to clear. If we leave now we can be inside the dungeon by eight, out by midnight. Badabing Badabum.”

Badabum indeed.

“Cassandra, you know that place, right? Back me up here.”, I commanded.

But to my dismay Cassandra only shrugged her shoulders while finishing her drink. “Sorry, Daddy. But as long as you bring a couple returnwoods, have a decent party with you, yeah, it’s fairly possible to get it done by then.”

“And where would we get these returnwoods?”, I countered. “Not to mention all the other dungeon crawling equipment that is needed! We aren’t talking about a walk in the park here.”

“Not to worry, Master Beta.”

Oh, no.

“I allowed myself to purchase some provisions”, Maria explained with a polite bow. “If you so wish, you may depart immediately.”

Mariaaaa….

Then all too familiar cackling engulfed the table.

Ah yes, if there is one person that absolutely has no problem shutting down this insane plan it's our resident smug ex-witch.

"Oh, you certainly have my blessings for this endeavor", Beatrice said with a smug grin that dashed all my hopes and dreams. “I’m all for screwing up Femto and yours pathetic plan. Go on! Have fun scavenging about in some dingy, dark and dirty dungeon. It suits you. Not that you will find any success, of course. But by the time you and that big breasted bimbo are done with your silly little misadventure, I, the great witch of Miracles will have come up with a superior solution to save your sorry butt. Look forward to kissing my feet in gratitude!"

“You just don’t want to get turned into my Lord’s naked jester!”, Sanakia spat back. “Too bad! Your reckoning is at hand! Better start learning to juggle because you perform at my Lords victory celebration! IN THE NUDE!”

“Fine by me!”, Beatrice cackled. “And if you don’t find Nikkou you will become my minion. FOREVER! IN THE NUDE!”

“IN THE NUDE!”, Lucky parroted.

“Hah! That is hilarious!”, Femto laughed. “You know what? If this little dungeon soul searching sabattical screws me out of my deal and we get naked jester Bea instead, I’m not even mad!”

EVEN THE FUCKING DEVIL BETRAYED ME!

“Man! Looks like we are getting some naked chicks out of this no matter what, bossman!”, Gilbert leered. "Awesome!"

Haaa…

“Ach I dinnae, if it prevents Lady Sylphid from giving up her strength…”, Fisti rubbed her chin. “Maybe it’s not that daft of a plan after all.”

“Bring Food.” -Aiju.

"I...I think it's a good idea too...", Cia gasped out.(Sylphid had put the maid on her lap sometimes during this conversation)

“Looks like it’s unanimous, Handsome.” Sylphid gave her maid an encouraging pat on the butt, stood up and stretched herself. "I agree, a few hours of dungeon diving is perfect as an after dinner exercise. Especially if it’s THAT dungeon, hehehe…” She rubbed her hands together in a giddy fashion. A telltale sigh that I should run away as fast and far as humanly possible.

“I wanna come too!”, Lucky declared laughing. “Let’s all go on a fun adventure together!”

“Unniiiiiii!!!!!!!!!”

I said this is not a field trip!

“My Lord!”, Sanakia knelt in front of me. “I know you have your doubts but that smelly, old drunken knight was clearly an apostle send by the Goddess!”

No, no, he wasn’t.

“My intuition tells me that your key to victory awaits you beneath this very city! This is divine guidance! I beg of you, do not throw this chance away!”

…

Absolutely not.

I am absolutely not going to spend my last few hours of freedom spelunking through a dungeon! This is utterly preposterous!

I have to refuse Sanakia! I don’t care that she stares at me with those sparkling eyes.

This is definitely, absolutely not happening!