Halloween Hijynx, by vyksin

“That is not how you spell...”

“FUCK YOU, SARCKLE!”

“Gina, please do not interrupt my complaints about misspellings.”

“How long has it been? Long enough that we get another Halloween story! That’s how long.”

“Well, yes, we are reading the not exactly seasonally appropriate Halloween Hijynx, by vyksin”

“Are there at least monster in this one?”

“Maybe? It promises a twist.”

“So did the last story, Marcie. I am still recovering from that twist.”

“I am sure this one will be better. I am spotting a lot of tags, but no ****.”

“...migraine.”

“What?”

“This fucking story has migraine as a tag, Marcie. What kind of freak of nature goes geez, you know what I want in my porn? Migraines!”

“I am sure it will be fine.”

“No, it won’t. There’s also a “life threatened” tag.”

“Some are into that, Gina.”

“And one for Author’s notes. FUCKING AUTHOR’S NOTES!”

“Gina, how many times do I have to tell you that we are not here to review the tags?”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“I was promised a Halloween story Marcie.”

“Well, the author did promise a slow burn.”

“There are slow burns and there are spending over ten chapters watching this bitch getting dressed!”

“Perhaps we need to explain. Gina. Would you do the table setting?”

“Ugh. So, this is about these old married couple who decided to crossdress for a Halloween Party. But the guy goes like waaaay overboard with this shit.”

“Hmm...I must say, I am intrigued. And we have lot’s of customization options here. Or should I say...costumization.”

“...”

“Anyhow, let us go with Frank/Cutie for our protagonist. And Marcie for his wife.”

“Of course we fucking do. Why are guys in these type of stories always way more into this shit then us girls?”

“I do not know what you mean, Gina. I quite like putting guys in skirts.”

“I noticed.”

“But I have to say, I prefer it if it is done a little more forceful. Were is the fun if they are enjoying it? If I can not see them cringe from humiliation is it even crossdressing? I love how Cutie still gets embarrassed even after all this time. Have I told you that I plan to make him wear the dress for our wedding?”

“…”

“You get to be the flower girl.”

“Fuck off, and focus!”

“Very well, one thing we can not fault our protagonist is enthusiasm. He even had an entire remote controlled artificial vagina made for this event. Fancy. I personally prefer a good old chastity cage.”

“Not even the fucking father **** crossrape story went that far.”

“So Cutie dressed up as a female version of Robin Hood. Heh, get it? Because Robin is a unisex name?”

Cutie was beginning to really panic hearing that all this might fail because of a stupid seam. “What can we do?” she asked, trying to take deep breaths to calm herself.

“But disaster strikes as a SEAM is visible on the costume. Oh, the horror! Is the party ruined now?”

“Of course not, the cosplayer friend Rina…”

“Why did you have to go with that name?”

“The cosplayer friend Rina fixes the costume and everything is ready for the party. Almost, they forgot the ****.”

“These absolute fuck ups planned this shit for months and didn’t purchase booze until the day of the party?”

“Some people are like that, Gina.”

“Yeah, fuck ups!”

“Now, Cutie obviously does not want to go out, dressed like slutty Robin Hood.”

“And Marcie is a lazy bitch who sleeps in.”

“I take offense to that.”

“Luckily this gorilla nerd shows up to the party really fucking early, so he can get the booze, right? WRONG!”

“Oh, it's not that,” Ben assured her. Seeing Cutie feel more at ease, he continued, “It's just I don’t drink and don’t know the first thing about ****. I’m not sure if I’d be getting you rot gut or top shelf.”

Ben looks at the card and reads Frank’s name on it. He’s pretty sure the cashier would probably not even care but considers offering to pay but starts worrying about how much some of this would hit his budget.

“I swear, everything is a fucking ordeal with these bitches. Getting booze from a store should not be that fucking complicated!”

“They did eventually manage to finish their quest for libations. However, disaster struck again as Cutie learns that Marcie has made a post on social media.”

“Gang, I’m really sorry, but this migraine has kicked my ass and I can’t even open my eyes. I’ve taken meds to knock me out for the night but please enjoy yourselves; Frank’s done an amazing job”

“What the actual fuck, Marcie?”

“You do realize that is not me, right?”

“But seriously! They have this shit prepared for months and this bitch doesn’t even care enough to inform her husband personally that she skips out on it?”

“Cutie does not take well to this either and decides to just go out on a night in town instead with his best friend turned boyfriend. Hardly a mature reaction.”

“Oh fuck off, Marcie! That’s a perfectly reasonable reaction to this shit you pulled!”

“Hmph, I beg to differ, but alas the group visits one of these haunted houses that pop up all over the place around Halloween. Cutie then proceeds to cheat on his wife with Ben.”

“No, fuck you. It clearly states that they are living in an open relationship!”

“Gina please, this sort of thing never works.”

“Anyways, Ben is just ok with this? He’s not gay, apparently but sure as fuck warms up quickly to the idea of getting it on with his crossdressing buddy.”

“We skipped over it, but Cutie did reveal to Ben that he is in fact Frank. From here, the script mostly turns into a male on male lover story, not that I am complaining.”

“But I sure as fuck do!”

Cutie quickly quipped, “Oh my God!!” Turning to the crowd she pleaded, “He’s got a Makita!! Somebody help him!!”

This caused the poor repro of Leatherface to cock his head at her.

“Well, I mean, if you had a Stihl or something, we’d know you were serious. The little toy might not even get through an arm.”

He then proceeded to scream and rev the engine lurching at Cutie.

“Oh sweety, you even forgot the chain for your toy saw!!” This then brought a round of chuckles for the crowd assembled around them.

“The odd chainsaw trivia makes me wonder if the author of this story is perhaps Swiss.”

“Would explain the asshole behavior. These guys are actor and just playing their role! They last you entitled shits can do is play along! Fuck, Cutie is even in costume! Would fem Robin Hood act like this? No, she wouldn’t!”

“My, Gina. I was not expecting this out of you.”

“Used to be in the drama club.”

“Right. So after making enough of a ruckus at the haunted house to be kicked out, disaster strikes thrice as Cutie’s outfit received some nasty tears during their daunting escape.”

“Oh no, what is he now going to wear for the party that was cancelled?”

“Another outfit apparently. After a brief detour to a costume shop, Cutie has now upgraded to a scottish princess sort of look. And I must say, I prefer this outfit for him. The girlier and frillier the better, as far as I am concerned. Make him wear something so emasculating no girl would ever be caught dead in!”

“Are you alright, Marcie?”

“My apologies.”

“I don’t care. Because Cutie is still grumpy, they continue to party in a club.”

“Were we meet the delightful Miss...pffft. Phit.”

“Ugghh…”

“I do question what sort of fetish places Ben usually frequents, that he is accustomed with so many of them.”

Before she could follow him, Mandy pulled Vyki close for a quick cautionary warning whisper, “Lou is a really nice guy and you seem to make him happy, but by God if I find out you’ve been using him for his generosity and you don’t put out and show him a good time, I’ll find you and cut out that cunt between your thighs myself.”

Ashley then leaned over the bar to whisper in the dizzy lady’s ear, “Lou is a really nice guy, and I won’t steal him from you, but you better show him a good time. If you hurt him or break his heart, I will hunt you down and cut your cunt out myself.”

“Meanwhile I question while all of his acquaintances threaten to cut out Cutie’s cunt. That’s sort of really fucking specific.”

“Hm, this is a good opportunity to go on a bit of a tangent about “characters voices””

“Oh, is it this part again?”

“Ideally you want each of your character to have their own distinct voice. I am talking speech mannerism, certain quirks et cetera. Unfortunately, this story fails in this aspect While they have distinct personalities, their voices are all rather samey. A perfect example of this would be that each and every character says “k” instead of ok.”

“Done?”

“For now.”

“Good. Cutie has some more fun with his new boyfriend and gets roped into taking part in some fucked up talent show orchestrated by this BDSM Queen.”

“Miss….pffft….”

“WILL YOU GIVE IT A REST!”

“Cutie ends up getting pretty far, but ultimately lost out against a lesbian couple.”

“GOOD.”

“All the winners then get auctioned off to the highest bidder. Unfortunately Cutie and Ben did not take part in that. Bit of a missed opportunity really. Ben buying Cutie would have been rather cute.”

“Nothing about this is cute.”

“Really, Gina? What about the fact that Ben basically has the remote to Cutie’s vagina and can tease her whenever he wants?”

“…”

“See?”

“No, fuck you! Just because I like the concept doesn’t mean I like it on these old farts!”

“And after all this, the odd couple finally returns home. Again, keep in mind that the party was not officially canceled but not a single person apparently showed up. Not even, Rina. Which makes me question many things.”

“Meh.”

“And I believe this is is a good stopping point. There are still close to a hundred chapters left, but we have reached our quota for this review.”

“First good news I heard today.”

“Well then, let us talk some more about this story.”

“Fuck, I knew that would have been too easy.”

“I like certain aspects of it but the middle aged men crossdressing trope unfortunately isn’t really doing it for me. I prefer my men in drag to be a bit closer to my age and a bit less...consensual.”

“I don’t.”

“There were some slightly more sadistic themes, which I can appreciate. I also think it was a shame we didn’t spent more time with Miss...pfff Phit.”

“Haaaa….”

“Now, where the story really drops the ball is the writing, in particular when it comes to typos. Among basic spelling mistakes this author has a very obnoxious habit to misplace words with other words. Here is but a taste of that.”

to make it appear like she had been wearing a bikini why out by the pool.

In fact, she felt it bared repeating

he finally remembered his manors and introduced himself

and see a silhouette of Mandy holding a knife Michael Eyes would be envious of.

Miss is going to throw a shift storm if you just stand there.

while keeping her arm protectively over her should

I might even through my girl in to help you too

“Ok, even I noticed that. Proofread your shit, you hack!”

“Hmm...crude but yes. This story was started in November of 2023 and its latest chapter dates to June 2024. In this time the author as released 179 chapters. That is almost a chapter per day. An utterly absurd output, that naturally invites such clumsy mistakes.”

“If it cheers you up, it isn’t the worst we had. But keep in mind we had authors who thought quotation marks are optional.”

“In short, I highly recommend to slow your pace down and instead give each chapters a bigger polish. As for prose, pacing, characterization, there is little to complain beyond the aforementioned voice issue.”

“Ok, Marcie, is it my fucking turn now?”

“As long as you have something more substantial to add then just calling this story absolute garbage.”

“For fuck sake, Marcie. Give me some credit.”

“Go on then.”

“This story was complete trash!”

“Oh boy.”

“This was just two fucking middle aged guy making out with each other! Who the fuck wants to read this? And why the fuck does it always have to be middled age guys dressing up as girls? Why can’t it be cute young girls instead?”

“I think that would miss the point of…”

“Shut up! Fine, you want to write about dicks, do it! See if I care! But that’s not even the worst of it!”

“Oh?”

“The absolute nail in the coffin of this Halloween party story is that there is no fucking Halloween party! What the actual fuck!

“…”

“What?”

“Oh, Gina you are adorable.”

“No, I’m not!”

“Haven’t you noticed the twist already? This is the day before Halloween! The actual twist will be that the canceled party wasn’t actually canceled but merely delayed for one day.”

“Wow, coping much? That’s not gonna happen. I bet it’s a hundred more chapter of gay shit between these dude bros.”

“You can not be serious.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Sure.”

“Loser has to go out trick or treating on Halloween. In a costume the winner picks!”

“Hmm...if this author demands a follow up after the three month period. Why, that would put the review directly before Halloween. How appropriate.”

“Hahahahahaha! You’re in?”

“I always found your penchant to accept utterly hopeless bets rather charming, so yes.”

“Alright, author! Request a follow up in October. Got it! Don’t forget it. You fuck!”

“But Gina.”

“What?”

“I do not mind but you do realize that means we will have to read more of this right?”

“FUCK!”