Tonight! After Harem Hotel….

The hunt for Florida Man: Fear and Loathing in Miami! In this thirteen hour exposé, hard hitting investigative journalist and author, the recently reconstituted and resurrected Hunter S. Thompson takes a long hard look at the crappiest place to live in the United States, and in the course of his investigation comes face to face with the Lizard People who perpetuate the lie that is American Democracy (like Governor Ron DiSantis and the former Cheeto-In Chief himself), wrestles alligators, hunts through the bodegas of Miami in search of the world’s best Cuban sandwich, and ultimately chases the elusive bath salt powered **** of chaos through the Everglades on a fan boat armed only with his wits, a bag of high quality Jack Herer, and a Taurus .50 Raging Judge. Aired with limited commercials.

USF!!! USF!!! USF!!!

Ultimate Sex Fighter Saturday Night!
This week, Champion Joe “Cockzilla” Schlobotnik faces off against challenger Liza “The Paisley Princess” O’Leary in the most heinous match of all time… The Chastity Match. Will the champ be able to fuck his opponent into the ultimate submission or will the up and cummer be able to jerk out and lock down the title for herself? Find out this Saturday. Special match commentary to be provided by Sasha Grey and John “J Mac” McGill.

And finally the long awaited return of Hotel Talk. Following the unceremonious departure of longtime host Trent…

A blandly handsome man with blonde hair sits behind a desk wearing a white Polo shirt with a sweater tied loosley around his neck. You can just tell from the look of him that he’s wearing cream colored chinos. “Hey folks. You know how you go to your favorite bar and your local bartender isn’t there? You ask ‘Where’s Jeff?’ ‘Jeff no longer works here, I’m Chip.’ And you’re thinking to yourself, ‘Hey, who’s this idiot? I like Jeff.’ But you still want your drink

“And even though Chip doesn’t mix your drink the same way you’re used to like Jeff, you still like the bar. You don’t have to go to a different bar. And even Chip might feel kinda bad because Jeff trained him. Jeff showed him how to work the cash register, where the tonic was on the soda gun, who tips, who doesn’t… well, I’m Chip. What can I get ya?”

(Title: “Step Right Up” by Tom Waits)