The man he was.

“Please stand, Bob.” While it’s stated as a request, Heidi’s tone makes it very clear that it isn’t one. Bob rises to his feet with a fair bit of trepidation.

“Oh don’t be such a baby, Dahling! This won’t hurt. Much.” Heidi waves her hand once more and now it’s Bob’s turn to be obscured by the snow globe effect. From the inside he can hear her monologue as she addresses the unseen audience. “Our Special Man has lived a very full life up until this point and his prospective paramours aren’t the only ones to be afflicted by the ravages of time. Bob has been experiencing lumbago for a number of years, he suffers from bone spurs, shin splints, tennis elbow and trigger finger. Almost three decades of smoking have left his lungs looking like pink Swiss cheese. The beginnings of arthritis are cramping his joints and an enlarged prostate has been playing havoc on his bladder and… other things.”

As Heidi carries on listing all of his physical ailments, Bob can feel each one reversing itself. The pain leaves his back, feet, arms, and legs. The reduction of pain in his taint speaks to the reduction of his prostate. The deepest breath he’s been able to take in twenty years fills his lungs with snowy air.

“And of course there’s that spare tire around his middle, not to mention those unsightly ear hairs. So we’re turning back the clock. But not too far… I think the white in his beard is distinguished and that bald head makes him look so virile.”

The snow clears and Bob stands, somehow slightly more erect. His beard is now only streaked with white, his frame has slimmed down to reveal the classic triangle shape of a mesomorphic body type, crows feet have vanished from the corners of his eyes along with the long haul luggage underneath them. His formerly stooped shoulders stand broad and proud. His face looks leaner. All in all, his appearance is that of a fit man in his early thirties, moderately attractive by objective standards, but striking in his bearing and the set of his jaw.

“Holy fuck.” KJ is the only one able to speak as Bob’s new appearance is revealed, and she’s only able to whisper. This is what happens when nerds grow up good.

Heidi gently guides Bob back to his seat, surreptitiously goosing him as she does, then plops down next to him. “As you can see, Bob is now physically back at pretty close to his physical prime. His first transformation is what we like to call The Master’s Body. I’ll fill him in on the details later, but for our lovely viewers at home…”

Master’s Body: Bob has been physically reset to 31 years old. All physical ailments have been removed, his bones and cartilage have been reinforced, and his immune system has been boosted such that he’ll never suffer from more than a case of the sniffles.

This is more than just a quality of life improvement. Bob will find that his refractory period has been reduced considerably.

And no, we know what you’re thinking. We didn’t need to mess with his junk. It was plenty big enough.

“Dahlings, this is where we reiterate the rules for those tuning in for the first time. The seven of you have been chosen to be eternally bound to Our Special Man. That’s right, all seven of you. I know that this is a departure from our usual format of only keeping the winners, but there’s something about all of you that makes Out Special Man desire you, and we’re all here to please him. And the audience of course.

With a smile to the camera Heidi continues. “As such we’re doing away with the time honored points system and presenting a streamlined variation of our events. Each week there will be two competitions. The first competition will result in us polling the audience to determine the standings of our contestants, and those standings will then be taken into account on determining which transformations will be offered, again to the audience, to mold our competitors into better companions for our Master.

“The second competition for each week will be the elimination round.” The Shock Horror (A) sting plays. “At the end of the elimination round, the audience will again vote, and the contestant with the least votes will be removed from the game and given one of our famous exit transformations. I know that traditionally these have been left to the audience to decide, but as with so many other things, we’re going to handle them a little differently.

“Which brings us to transformation paths. Returning viewers will be familiar with these, a theme for transformations to follow, but here’s our twist. When the audience selects a transformation path, that path will be locked in, and all future transformations including the exit will be based in it.

“Additionally, elimination will not result in a return to mainstream reality. All of the contestants are permanently bound to the Master, and as such return to the mainstream timeline from this pocket dimension would result in a painful wasting ****, but not to worry, while you are here with us no time at all is passing in your reality. Eliminated contestants will continue to warm the Master’s bed according to the set rotation.

“Unlike other iterations of Harem Hotel, Our Special Man will also be receiving a power or boon each week to ease his transition into living up to the full potential that we all know he can achieve. The audience will be given an opportunity to vote on this as well.

“Finally, the last round of competition between the two stand out contestants will be judged solely by Bob, and as in other editions of our show, the lucky winner will receive a wish. There are a few small limitations on the wish; no wishing for more wishes, no breaking the bond with the Master, no killing people, and no reversal of elimination.

“And now, a word from our sponsors.”