Personally Pickle

You tear open the box, a letter fluttering out onto the table. It reads: "Congratulations on becoming the newest member of Personally Pickles! Each week you'll receive a package to try and rate our personal pickles. Enjoy! Sincerely, PP."

Bemused, you pull out a jar labeled "Big Dill Energy." Inside are seven enormous pickles, each one the girthy size of an adult arm. "What the hell," you mutter. But there's no harm in trying. You unscrew the lid, pluck out the fattest one, and take an apprehensive bite.

Your eyes light up. It's the most delicious pickle you've ever tasted - salty, tangy, briny. You wolf the whole thing down, savoring the complex flavor. Waiting a few moments, you feel a strange confidence welling up inside you. You feel...dare you say it...good. Maybe even great. There's a spring in your step as you head out for an afternoon walk.

Moseying down the sidewalk, you spot a stunning young black woman sitting on a bench, her thick thighs splayed out before her. You'd never normally have the guts to approach, but today, emboldened, you strut over. "Hey there beautiful, mind if I join you?" She looks up, startled, then breaks into a dazzling smile. "Not at all, handsome. I'm Tierra."

You talk and flirt for over an hour, the conversation flowing effortlessly. She tosses her braided hair and laughs at your jokes. Finally, you grow bold. "I'd love to take you for coffee sometime, if you're interested."

"Definitely," Tierra purrs, her eyes roving over your body. "How about now?"

Your heart pounds as you follow her back to her apartment. Inside, things quickly heat up. Tierra pushes you onto her couch and sinks to her knees, unzipping your fly. "Oh my god," she gasps. "You're huge! I've never seen one so big before."

You're just average, but you'll take the compliment. Tierra slides you into her mouth and begins to suck, her plump lips stretched around your girth. You've never had a blow job like this, so enthusiastic and talented. You try not to finish too quickly.

Later, you're in her bed, naked and entwined. Tierra rides you, her enormous butt bouncing. Her pussy is incredibly tight. She comes over and over, screaming your name, until finally you can't hold back any longer. You erupt deep inside her and she milks you for every drop.

"That was the best sex of my life," Tierra pants after. "You're good for a white boy."

You stagger home, spent and amazed at what transpired. What was in those pickles? Over the next six days, you eat one each morning. Each time, you feel that same swell of confidence, that same non-stop sex drive. You score every night, with women responding to you like a total hunk. Big Dill Energy is the real deal.

On Day 7, you rate the pickles 5 stars and write a glowing review. "PP - I don't know what you put in your pickles, but they're giving me superhuman game. I'm talking model-hot girls, screaming orgasms, the whole bit. I'm a subscriber for life. P.S. The 'Big Dill Energy' flavour is off the charts. Can you make it a regular option? 10/10 would pickle again."

Eagerly, you await your next shipment, ready to feel like a total boss once more. But when the box arrives, it's not what you expected. Inside are 7 sad, scrawny pickles that look like they were sat out at a gas station for a week. You turn the jar over and groan. The label reads: "Prickly Bastard. Congratulations, you've been Pranked By Personally Pickles. Our sincerest apologies for any inconvenience or stds. Best, PP."