Normally, at first

Debbi got Diane's e-mail during work; the party formation meeting would be at the Crown Jewels on Saturday.

Saturday came, and so did Debbi to the pub dressed in a smart skirt suit with a red blouse. She saw Diane dressed much the same, but with a green blouse, and Jeff in his normal business suit. There was no paraphernalia to suggest that any electioneering was going on, just Jeff's laptop and his face engrossed in it.

Debbi sat herself while Diane and Jeff looked at her warmly. "Thanks for coming, Debbi, I'm very excited by this."

"So, what exactly are the Laboratory Democrats all about?" Debbi quizically asked Jeff.

"Well, for starters I'd like to have a conversation about the rates," Jeff replied dryly.

"Do you want them lower...? Higher...?"

"I just think they ought to be different, that's all."

'Oh great,' Debbi thought, 'this is going nowhere.' Ever the diligent I.T. leader, she was no stranger to dryness and abysmal ideas, but had hoped for some escape at least here.

"Now, let's see. I've done some research, and I live in Collingsworth Centre, Diane lives in Collingsworth North, and you, Debbi, live in Collingsworth South. That's great, that means we can all run! Now, they're all borough constituencies, which means we've not got much to spend, but we're a small group so it shouldn't matter too much. I have enough for your deposits, so don't worry about that while I..."

Jeff droned on and on about such boring details and paperwork for a hopeless campaign. Collingsworth, right in the suburbs, was perhaps the most brutal battleground between the Tories and Labour, who gave it only their most calculated and manicured marketing. Combined with Lib Dem spoilage, this was a hopeless endeavour that she really only entertained for Jeff's sake. No matter, she'll pretend to listen and run through the motions till election day, when the three of them would lose their deposits and hopefully Jeff would be on the hook.

Debbi zoned out for a good few minutes, looking at the wall and thinking of all the other things she would rather be doing on a Saturday evening. Her gaze returned to Diane, who was looking intently at Jeff and nodding to what he said. She tuned back into the conversation.

"So, how do you think we should tackle this campaign?" asked Jeff his brownnosing supplicant.

"Oh, well I think we should emphasise returning power to the people instead of those nasty corporations and quangos. We need to restore traditional civic values to this country to level up and make a world for the many rather than the few."

Debbi grimaced at this appalling use of buzzwords and vapid slogans. She seriously considered getting up and leaving this travesty of a meeting, but didn't want to give Diane such a victory so easily.

"Well, I for one think we should focus on the fundamentals," she countered while Jeff nodded, "really get back to basics. If we spend too much of our time on arcana and white papers of white papers, we'll not have time to get our core message across." That ought to one-up Diane's nothing tikka masala!

"Right," Jeff started to express scepticism, "I don't believe either of you two are saying anything of substance that would help with our campaign." Jeff was smarter than he looked!

"Well," Debbi rose, "quite frankly I don't see any policies or manifestos of substance to campaign on. You can't just create a 'Sunshine and Rainbows' party and expect anybody to care. You need to care about real issues and not platitudes!" Was that last statement a platitude? No matter, she got her point across...

"I can't say I care much for your pessimism, Debra!" that level of formality and coldness threw Debbi, who took a step back from the table.

"Well," Debbi said as her final words before turning to go, "don't say I didn't warn you. If the best we have is this tripe, we might as well campaign in the nude!"