Nathan Briggs, A Basement Dwelling Neckbeard

"Ara ara~ Oh how you've grown Nori-Kun~" that was the last thing I remember hearing from my computer's speakers before I collapsed.

"Ah, you're finally awake." A female doctor said while holding a clipboard. "What happened?" I asked, looking around. "You collapsed in your mother's, erm... your residence. At first we thought it was something to do with your weight, but upon further inspection and blood work, we came to the conclusion that you're an EDP. Are you familiar with the condition?" She asked.

Familiar with it? I've got at least two hard drives full of EDP porn and hentai. "I've heard of it, yeah." I tell her.

"Alright that saves me the time of explaining it. We theorize that a possible history of masturbation could be an explanation for why your condition has gone untreated this long."

I'm a 26 year old, overweight virgin loser who still lives with his mom and I've been blessed with what my Internet circles calls "The Harem Sickness". This is the best thing that could have every happened to me.