Leliana, Dagna and Sera!

You summon the arcane specialist Dagna, the rogue Sera, and your spymaster Leliana into your War Room to plan the mission to acquire the Staff of the Old Gods from this old cult leader.

It’s midnight and everyone is quite tired, desperately trying not to fall asleep.

Leliana points to the map of the Frostback Mountains.

"We’ve been able to pinpoint the camp’s location. My spies discovered several elven corpses in the snow on the outskirts of the camp. It looks like this cult leader is something of a racist maniac.

Sera stares angrily at the council desk and begins slams her fist on it.

"Friggin’ wrinkly bag of shite!” she yells. “Dickhead thinks he can just do whatever he wants?!

“It’s time to kick some noble tits ass again!"

You look at Sera with an annoyed expression.

“Will you be able hold your rage in until you’ve gotten the staff, or do I have to leave you here because you can’t control yourself?”

Sera looks up at you, takes a few deep breaths and sits back in her chair. "Alright..but I’m fillin’ his ass with arrows after. A friggin’ promise, that is.”

Dagna, who’s been relatively quiet until now approaches you with a worried expression.

"We have to find where this old man hid the staff. If we search for it, it would only make him suspicious".

She scratches her chin as she continues "We cannot negotiate with such a maniac, that much is clear, so how can we get that staff?

"Simple! Sera answers with a devilish grin on her lips. “We tie him to a tree and beat the shite out of him until he tells us."

Leliana calmly turns to Sera and Dagna.

“Obviously, I will be in command during this mission so you’ll both follow my lead.”

“We will claim that we are deserting the Inquisition just like Cullen’s soldiers did, and then we improvise. It seems like he only responds to sexual pleasure. We could use that to our advantage."

Sera looks at Leliana, her mouth gaping open in disbelief.

"Am I hearing right?” she yells. “You’d rather suck his dick or whatever other nasty shite he likes instead of just plugging him full of arrows?”! No way! No friggin’ way! This guy can kiss my ass!"

Leliana responds with a smile. "One arrow from you and his guards would slaughter us.”

“In all my years as a bard, the best way to get information is to appeal to a target’s biggest weakness. For him, that’s sex. Once we lower his guard, we take the staff and afterwards we kill him in manner that doesn’t incriminate us or the Inquisitor."

Leliana smiles at you with an approving nod. "Maybe it doesn't come to that and we don't have to....pleasure him".

By this point, Dagna’s cheeks have turned beet red from listening to this entire conversation.

"I...I...uhh...I would prefer not to have to do anything to a racist elf killer, but I'll go with you... my arcane knowledge is too valuable .

"Then it's settled, we set out immediately" Leliana says confidently.

......

After hours of wandering through the icy desert, your group finally arrived at the cultist camp, but no guard or soldier is posted at the entrance.

"Don’t friggin like this shite." Sera whispers while looking around.

Dagna leans in to whisper to Leliana.

"According to my equipment, there’s powerful magic source nearby... I think it's in that cave over there."

Your team moves to investigate the cave. Near the end of the cavern, sat what appears to be a throne room. At the end of the rocky hall was a makeshift wooden throne with a skinny old man on a wooden Throne.

“That must be the leader.” Dagna whispers to her other two mates.

“Bleh, just lookin’ at the wrinkly bastard makes me wanna barf” Sera choked.

Believing him to be alone and open to attack, Leliana improvises and begins to silently approach his throne. Suddenly, out of nowhere, hordes of skelatal ghosts appeared from the ground each with a dark sword in their hands. With the element of surprise, they immediately capture Leliana.

Dagna steps forward, raising her hands in the air, nervously approaching the Old Man.

"We are unarmed and come in peace....we....we want to join your powerful legion.”

"The fuck we will...cut ya stinky balls off if you're lucky" Sera grumbled..

Leliana looks back at Sera with a angry glare and then back to the Old Man but to their luck, in his advanced age, couldn’t hear a word of Sera's cursing.

The old man waves his hand and the ghosts disappear as fast as they came.

"Well well well...more **** souls who search for purpose and eternal life?” he wheezes.

“My soldiers were once like you but I gave them purpose. Now they answer to my call.”

Sera tried to look relaxed as she responds.

"Turned your own men in...these creepy things?! Some sick fuck you are…”

“Your elf **** has quite a mouth on her, doesn’t she?” the old man complained.

In an attempt to save the mission, Leliana gave Sera a hard slap on the cheek.

"Excuse me, sir, my elf was just triyng to show impressed we are by your stronghold and your forces and how eager we are to prove our loyalty to you” Leliana states confidently, looking the wrinkled pervert directly in the eyes.

"I have no doubt you will…” he grins. “A beautiful woman like you could pleasure me greatly.”

Leliana pulls her hood back and smiles.

"Well, Herald” she swallows, despising the words coming from her own mouth.

“I am Leliana, the former spymaster of the Inquisition. Once, my lips could seal the fate of my enemies but now, I only wish my use them to serve you. My tongue is ready to provide pleasure" she cooed, licking her finger winking towards the skinny old man.

Dagna knew what game Leliana was playing and decided to play along as she stepped forward as well.

"I am Dagna, your Highness and I offer my skills in anyway you want.” she announced.

“As you see I am a dwarf but I hope you can still find use for me."

“No problem, sweety.” he cackled.“It’s good actually, now I have someone who can suck me without kneeling

Dagna’s face started to give him a disgusted glare but she quickly reverted back to a smile.

The old man looked at Leliana one last time with his hand stroking himself over his trousers.

"And who about your knife eared cunt there?” he spat.

Both Leliana and Dagna gave Sera looks, pleading with her not to mess things up.

Sera stood there, gathering every ounce of mental strength she had, before smiling back.

"Ya know I’m yours too sexy.... pull those trousers down and show us that dragon.”

The old man replied amused.

"Oh I will knife ear...I will... but first i want to test the three of you.”

“I’m going to my private chambers to prepare. Each of you will brought to me for a private session to see what skills you have to offer me.I don't care which of you goes first, just hurry up and you’d better give it your all.”

With that he rose from this throne and walked, bones creaking, to the massive iron chamber door.

A few seconds of silence pass before Dagna responds sarcastically.

"I think he likes you spymaster. He was already hard the moment he saw you"

Sera giggled nervously before breaking into laughter at Dagna’s comment.

“Well if that's the case you should be the first candidate for this "private session" Sera replies with a smug expression.

"That’s fine” Leliana says calmly. “I’ve done things like this countless times before.”

“I should be back with the location of the staff in no time". She states.

“Hopefully he lets the information slip easily.”