Laura Black, 26, VP of Sales, by Wrynn

“Oh fuck, it’s the cow guy!”

“Indeed, Gina. But this time he has submitted another story. A branch of Harem Hotel in fact.”

“Oh right, that one. Are you still pissed you got ghosted by Ruby and Al?”

“Not at all. Why would I by annoyed at the fact that they rudely dismissed my genius simply because I pointed out their blistering incompetence? I am not upset at all.”

“It was a trash story anyway. So, this time we are having a female master?”

“Indeed. Good for you.”

“Hold on, Marcie.”

“Yes, Gina?”

“If the master is female, does that mean this one will have a bunch of fuckbois? That’s how these shitty reality shows usually work, right?"

“I have no idea...now that I think about it, we probably need to explain the premise to our listeners.”

“Fuck that shit. The fuckers can just read the other HH story if they want the whole backstory.”

“Very well let us start then by reading Laura Black, 26, VP of Sales"

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

Laura Black sat behind her sleek ultra-modern glass and black metal desk going over the files in her hand for the upteenth time. At 26 she was the youngest executive at the Wagner Group and one of the youngest vice president of sales in the nation.

“That is a bit of an unfortunate name for a company, given recent events.”

“Yeah, yeah, who cares? Because this is harem hotel, the girl got quickly **** to some spooky castle.”

“This story does not waste any time and we are moving through the introduction of the contestants at a very brisk pace.”

Gabriella flinched at that, she hated people shortening her name like that but a calm came over her and she found herself talking against her will "My name is Gabriella Escarra, I am 46 years old and a Professor of Mathematics at Hollbrook University, I am not attracted to men or women, I am five foot ten and an A cup at best, I know the master from teaching her at University."

“What the fuck!”

“Gina.”

“FOURSIX YEARS!”

“It is slightly on the older side.”

“Slightly is putting it lightly! The old fuck from the other harem was 41! This is five years older! Who the fuck wants to see a granny fucking?“

“Look Gina, there is an audience for GILFS…”

“Which I am not part of!”

“I personally thought you would take more offense with the fact that the main characters twin sisters are part of the harem too.”

“...why?”

“...****?”

“Oh yeah, that’s bad. Sure, **** is bad. It’s not as bad as being fucking OLD, though.”

“...is it because they are girls?”

“Oh fuck off, Marcie. **** is wrong no matter what genders are involved.”

“…”

“…”

“But I mean technically it’s not even ****.

“...what?”

“Girls can’t get pregnant, so two sisters fucking each other can’t be ****.”

“You know, I will not even dignify that with a rebuttal, because if we go by that logic then “Sins of the Father...”

“NEVER bring that fucking abomination up ever again!”

“Alright, alright. What else do we have?”

“rich bitch, rock bitch, gypsy bitch, ex, one girl is literally called fucking candy.”

“Mhmmm...Did you notice anything, Gina?”

“That there are not one but two old hags in this story?

“Something else?”

“...”

“Wait…”

“Yes, Gina?”

“ARE THESE ALL GIRLS?”

“I am glad you noticed.”

“So, this is Harem Hotel: LESBIAN EDITION?”

“Well not all of them are lesbians.”

“Even better. It’s more hot when they are straight.”

“...yes, well someone is excited.

“...I-I’m not excited!”

“You are wagging your proverbial tail, Gina.”

“Shut up! This is the cow fucker. I’m sure he finds a way to fuck this up.”

It's a Trap- Some people think you can't be a true master without a penis so this transformation will give the master one.

“I KNEW HE FINDS A WAY TO FUCK IT UP!”

“We don’t even know if that transformation is getting voted in, Gina.”

“Good point. We need to kill them before they have a chance.”

“We are not killing the readers, Gina.”

“Why nooot?”

“Because having a criminal record does not look good on your resume unless you plan to become President. Anyways, the transformations here are quite nice.”

Why Buy the Cow- The master has called Susan a cow in the past so now she'll become more cow like to please her. She will gain floppy cow ears, a small cow tail, and an increase in breast size. She may also find herself Mooing at times.

“Good to see this fuckers cow fetish is still present! At least it’s Susan. Hope she get’s fucked.”

“Alright, we quickly proceed to the transformation vote.”

“Which is rigged as fuck! One girl has fucking lung cancer and the transformations is to get rid of that. I mean sure, you could vote for something else, if you’re a fucking monster!”

“Meanwhile, the old professor gets aged down.”

“I mean, ok. But that’s like a fucking cop out isn’t it?”

“To a certain degree, also the leash one was blatantly ripped of from DissonantSoundtrack.”

“Meh, no reason to fuck with something good.”

“And see, Gina? The readers did in fact not vote for the dick.”

“I am genuinely surprised, Marcie.”

“As for the rankings they are about as you expect, with the heels ranking lasts and the nice girls at the top.”

“Alright fine. The readers in the story are not fucked up in the head. Almost.”

“What are you referring, Gina?”

and finally we have Stacy Black who was in dead last place the entire time. Still you all earned at least a little BP to spend.

“This girl’s backstory is literally that she busts ****’s and they somehow vote her last?”

“I mean she did not really bust them, she blackmailed them for money.”

“I don’t see the problem, Marcie.”

“Ah, I will admit I do think it is interesting that she ranked behind Susan though.”

“Uhh...that’s the Prigoschin bitch, right? I’m already having trouble with that fucking gigantic cast.”

Laura Black

Tracy Black

Stacy Black

Candy Henderson

Misty Dawn

Anna Rodriguez

Gabriella Escarra

Carla Wright

Kim Baker

Susan Wagner

“And with good cause. Look at these names! LOOK AT THEM!”

“...I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Out of ten characters, four end on Y, four on A and EIGHT have between five or four letters! This is preposterous!”

“Uhu.”

“And what is this Stacy and Tracy travesty? How is anybody supposed to tell these two teenage trollops apart?”

“That’s the thing. They’re twins.”

“Total tommyrot. They both have a unique look and personality. There was absolutely no reason to give them such similar sounding syllables!”

“Marcie for fucks sake, we aren’t even a fifth into this review and we are on page seven!”

“That is not a problem, because for the next 30 chapters of this story we are purely in slice of life territory.”

“Yeah...these bitches sure got settled in in this life altering event awfully quickly.”

“I will not mince any words here, the pacing is bad. It is not the worst I ever read, but keep in mind that the worst we ever read was the reason we reduced our review to a maximum of fifty chapters.”

“Marcie, stop exaggerating. Laura fucks around in her tower suite with one girl per day, while the rest of them explore the castle and get into trouble. It’s the exact same fucking setup that happened with Diss’s story and you sure as fuck did not complain there!”

“Because Gina, Dissonant’s tale had drama, intrigue, mystery! This in comparison is nothing more then a bunch of raunchy girls having wanton sex with each other.”

“IT’S A FUCKING PORN STORY!”

“And not even that did they accomplish. More often then not, the story just tells us that two characters had sex without actually showing it.”

“Maybe I don’t want to see sex between two or more hot girls. Have you ever considered that?”

“Gina…”

“Alright fine! I fucking hate it, but I have to agree with you. There’s a lot of fucking happening but we are only seeing a fraction of it.”

“Aside from that, characterization is...lacking. For some characters at least. They all start out strong, but virtually all of them devolve into, for a lack of a better term, nice girls. Susan probably being the worst example.”

“Susaaaaan!”

“Susan’s introduction very much portrays here as an incredibly spoiled, rich girl that sees her workers as little more then slaves to exploit but all it takes is one cow transformation to turn her...pffft docile.”

“Har Har.”

“And she is not the only one. Take our protagonist Laura for another example. She is the cutthroat vice president of a large company. And she is good at her job. So why does this ice queen melt away the moment she becomes the master? If anything, she should excel at this role!”

“What, Marcie, you just want her to be evil?”

“No, I want her to be more assertive and take charge. In the beginning she holds a grudge against multiple contestants. Heck, the majority of them even! That could have been an interesting facet to explore but instead she makes up with them basically right away. It leaves a lot to be desired.”

“Ok, correction, you want her to be you, Marcie.”

“...I didn’t say that.”

“Uhu.”

“Besides, I’m not settling to become a mere VP.”

“Ok.”

“Hmm…the slice of life section also suffers from a few too many typo’s for my liking, in particular the authors perverse craving to spell “College” as “Collage”.

“Right, can we move on please?”

“Very well, I do have some more grievances, but...after chapter after chapter of this utterly tedious tomfoolery, we finally reach the first challenge: Strip Tag.”

“Ok, that was awesome!”

“It was certainly the most entertaining chapter so far but…”

“What?”

“It was too long.”

“Oh, fuck off!”

“All I am saying, Gina, is that there was no reason to have this challenge be one single chapter. But I will concede that was fun and exciting to read through. Something sorely missing from the rest of this story.”

“And then we get another bunch of transformations. Meh, can’t say I care about these one very much. Mostly just boobs and boob adjacent stuff, because that’s the authors fetish. I like that the twins turned into a dog and a cat girl, though.”

“And the poor professor ended up in last place, simply by virtue of being boring.”

“Yeah, she kinda isn’t that interesting, huh?”

“I blame the author, Gina. Gabriella started out strong as that unflappable authority figure. But as the rest of the girls, she quickly lost that aspect of her personality.”

“Alright, so the transformation’s are done Next…”

“There is no need, Gina.”

“What?”

“We have reached fifty chapters and I think this is a good stopping point.”

“WHAT!”

“What is the matter? You usually can not wait for these reviews to be over.”

“But...but...I enjoyed this one!”

“Really now? Did I not very clearly demonstrate why this is a pretty poorly written story?”

“Fuck you! I still liked it! It’s like Ted, but unlike with Ted this bitch actually writes a lot!”

“Hmph, I will certainly concede that this story shares many similarities with...that individual. Regardless even you can’t deny that it is considerably inferior to what DissonantSoundtrack produces.”

“No, it’s not! Fuck you!”

“Haa...well I suppose if Wrynn demands a follow up, we will have **** but to oblige him”.

“Yeah! I-I mean...it’s not that I want to read more...but I guess we have to oblige if he asks for a follow up!”

“And I suppose, as is tradition, we should now note our favorite and least favorite contestant.”

“Favorite uhh...the knives **** dog girl twin! Least favorite...fucking Susan!”

“You really do not let that one go, huh? My least favorite would go to the professor. And favorite, the other twin.”

“WHAT?”

“I think her hacking skills are most impressive. It would not surprise me if she wins this season.”

“No fucking way, Marcie. **** twin has far better skills.”

“Please stop calling her that.”

“Whatever, I liked this story, it’s much better then the last one cow guy supplied.”

“Hm, I thought that one was much better paced.”

“I don’t care, I like that there is no giant dick monster in this one.”

“Not yet...Gina. Not yet.”

“Fuck.”