Identity Crisis

“I’m never letting you go.” You tell Becca, as you wrap her in your arms tightly.

Becca surrenders herself to the embrace. Her head rests on your chest, her shoulders slump, and her crying breaths come much more consistently. You allow yourself some time to catch your own breath and calm yourself down a bit too. The thought of Becca leaving you was a gut punch you still need to recover from — but also something that you can’t really blame her for.

You understand why she thought it was what she needed to do. She’d rather make the sacrifice than place everyone in danger. It’s a plan of action that maybe a version of you in the past would have made. But not anymore.

You are not giving up on this without a fight.

‘I’m ready to fight’

As soon as you make this mental decision, Becca pushes you off of her, taking you by surprise. The Becca you see now isn’t the same Becca that you wrapped inside your embrace just a moment ago. Her eyes are still red from crying, but they emit a coldness now. Her lips are no longer curled into a frown either, but rather form a thin line. Becca then fixes her hair, quickly twists it and turns it into a high ponytail. She then straightens her blazer, dusts it off with her hands, while maintaining eye contact with you.

“I have allowed myself to be weak for far too long.” Becca says, in the cold and calculated tone you’re much more familiar with. You can’t help but smile, now that you’re seeing Becca return to her old self. But your smile quickly fades as Becca utters her next words.

“As long as I am with you, I will have too many weaknesses.” Becca tells you, putting you back into shock. “My decision stands. This is goodbye.” Becca says with finality, before quickly turning around and making her way towards the door.

Time stands still as she walks away, and it’s as if you’re watching her in slow motion. Your brain is working on overdrive, all your neurons are firing, all to ask you one simple question — ‘How could you be so blind?’

Cold and calculated isn’t who Becca is. It’s just a facade. The same kind of facade that Viv puts up daily to hide how she truly is inside. This isn’t the Becca you’ve come to know walking away. It’s the Hoffman in her. The same Hoffman facade that she’s put up all her life to try and make her father proud and meet her mother’s expectations. That's who is walking away right now. While the little child that was raised by Marybeth, the one who was just crying in your arms from being disappointed by her family just a moment ago, is being dragged along with it.

‘You have to fight for her’

‘It’s time to fight’

*SLAM!*

You slam the door back shut with your hand after Becca’s attempt to leave. Becca turns back around to look at you. She has a smug look on her face, but it’s betrayed by the redness of her eyes.

“A show of ****? Really?” Becca asks you unimpressed, while both your arms now hover over her shoulders, cornering her into place. “It just shows how little you know about me if you think this will work.” Becca adds, trying to insult you into letting her go, before scoffing as she looks at your arms that are blocking her exit.

You move your hand towards her chin, directing her to look back at you. You look deep into her eyes, trying to find and coax the **** little girl that’s trapped inside it to come out once more. Becca grips your hand that’s on her chin by the wrist and forces it away, before giving you another smug look.

“So easily made to do things.” Becca continues to goad. “I could have had fun with that, but you were so stubborn not to submit… when it mattered” Becca adds.

“This isn’t you, Becca.” You say, finally seeing through the facade.

“No? But this is all I’ve ever been? How can you even believe to know who I truly am? You’ve only known me for less than a month.” Becca counters. “And in that time, at least one thing was for certain…” She adds ominously.

“You and I aren’t compatible.” Becca adds hurtfully.

“Just a couple of nights ago you didn’t seem to think that.” You counter, not wavering in your show of authority.

“That was… pretend.” Becca replies, gulping her saliva down before saying the last word, as your lips are dangerously approaching hers.

Becca turns her head away from you, before trying to push you away from her. Her push gives her some space to turn around towards the door once more, but this time, you don’t stop her from opening the door anymore. You don’t slam it back shut like you did earlier. But that doesn’t mean you’ve given up fighting for her.

Instead, you hug her around the waist from behind, just like she did when you were having your panic attack. You don’t embrace her as tightly as you did earlier, but you make sure that this one is much warmer and more reassuring.

“I know you don’t see us as weaknesses, Becca. That’s not you talking.” You tell her softly.

“If today wasn’t enough indication, we all give each other the strength we lack when we need it… and I’ll give you all of mine if I have to.” You add, and Becca seemingly has her knees buckle upon hearing it, and inadvertently pushes the door back closed. You’re not sure why it’s this particular sentiment that makes her resolve go weak, but you’re thankful that the reminder had such an effect.

“You don’t need to pretend with me.” You whisper into her ear. “You don’t need to be strong for me.” You continue, and Becca’s grip on the door knob becomes looser and looser.

“You can just be… you.” You tell her sweetly, before lowering your head and resting it on her shoulder.

“And who am I?” Becca asks, her voice on the verge of tears once more. “If not for my name, my resources, my connections… what am I even good for?” Becca continues.

“You… are someone I love.” You tell her sincerely. “And that’s all that matters to me.” You add.

Becca turns her head towards you, looking up at you. Her eyes’ coldness have thawed to reveal the vulnerability it showed previously. More than that, they’re showing a longing now that Becca has tried hard to cover with her steely facade. Becca’s eyes drop towards your lips, and it’s all you need to kiss her on the spot. Unlike before, Becca allows herself to return this kiss, and the hand that was on the door knob instead moves towards your cheek to encourage you to make out with her further.

“ᵀʰᵉⁿ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵐᵉ” Becca tries to say in the middle of your kiss, causing you to break away from her.

“What?” You ask.

“I said ‘take me’.” Becca whisperingly commands you. “Make me yours.” Becca adds.

“Becca, I don’t—” You try to say, but Becca interrupts you.

“If you want me to stay…” Becca prefaces, as she stares deep into your eyes.

“Make me.”