Harem Hotel: Friendship is Magic

“Ugh, back to Harem Hotel, eh Marcie?”

“We had a Ted story last time, Gina. So it’s only fair.”

“Nothing about this is fair.”

“...do you wish to address the answer chapter first? We get so few of them as is.”

“Nah, I don’t want to give these fucks any more attention then they deserve. Which is none. And Al, you better pay me royalties for stealing my line you tophat wearing fat fuck!”

“Well, the two bozos completely misinterpreted your point about Ted, so they definitely wouldn’t understand my witty retort. Let’s just advance to the review.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Ugghhhhhh!!!!!”

“Gina, pleaaaase…”

“Marcie just furiously jilled herself through this entire fucking story! And I had to watch!”

“I did noooot.”

“No, seriously. I never saw her that horny, for anything besides torturing me, like what the fuck?”

“Ehem...In my defense, this was a rather...erotic set of chapters. I enjoyed the last batch as well, but this one was where Diss really ramped it up.”

“Oh please! This was just an everyone gets along and is nice with each other friendship pity party! Where’s the action? Where’s the drama?”

“There was a car crash and rock climbing.”

“Yeah, but nobody died.”

“So you didn’t masturbate to the hot bondage scene? Love the sentient ropes by the way, they are adorable.”

“Maybe I would, if any of the girls would have taken advantage of Sarah! But they didn’t!”

“I mean, that’s not exactly true, Gina. There was some lesbian action.”

“Too little and too old. If your over thirty, you belong in a retirement home, not a sex show. Maybe that’s what they should have called this Harem Hotel: Geriatrics ward.”

“Do you have any new complaints or is this just a rerun?”

“Oh, I haven’t even getting started, Marcie.”

“Oh?”

“No spoilers but just saying that I will absolutely DESTROY Diss at the end of this review. Like this will be the mother of all burns! Except younger and even hotter!”

“So...the daughter?”

“Shut up. And don’t touch that remote! You don’t want to miss out on the water cooler discussion at work tomorrow!”

“Nice to see you get into the spirit of things. But, I do believe we should start with the beginning. Or rather in the middle of the second challenge where the girls needed to go on a date with Michael. Things didn’t go that swell last time and they only got worse this time around.”

“I have to hand it to Diss, he really nails that reality trash TV feeling. Help! My step daughter is giving me a blowjob and I can’t get up!”

“Diss is still not too committed to sex scenes interestingly. They tend to end as abruptly as they began. Not that I am complaining.”

“Yeah, the only thing Marcie didn’t masturbate to where the actual fucking sex scenes. Good fucking job, Diss!”

“Well I take it back, shut up. I had you impersonate me because you’re a cheap knockoff. Go fuck yourself.” Mallory grabbed Janet’s hand and stormed off. Despite her powerful buzz, Janet had just enough presence of mind to grab Mallory’s remaining chips before she was dragged out of reach. Celene struggled to resist the power of the contestant commands, only holding out long enough for Mallory and Janet to disappear into the crowd. Without skipping a beat, she slipped her left hand down the front of her dealer’s uniform pants and began to stroke her clit. The rest of the ‘staff’ acting as players at her table gave her sympathetic looks, as she attempted to balance the competing commands from the Hotel and the contestant - Masturbating with one hand while attempting to deal with the other.

“Well, Gina, I find stuff like this simply way more appealing. There is a rather casual body control aspect in this story and I happen to quite like body control.”

“I noticed.”

“Hm, shall we talk about the second voting round? And the transformations?”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE VOTERS?”

“I am not sure why you are complaining, Gina. Your top girl made first place.”

“First, Marcie. My top pick was a tie between Luciana AND Sarah. Why is Sarah so low? And why is the stupid MILF so high? Fuck these voters! And their absolute shit taste!”

“I am not too pleased with Vivian scoring last either. I mean, I suppose it was expected but aren’t the voters just going for the “proper” order here? The good girls on top, the bad girls on bottom.”

“Yeah, I wish. That would actually be sexy.”

“...I suppose the only upset is Rhonda not scoring first place.”

“Also, I know I didn’t mention her last time but Mallory doesn’t deserve her low scoring either! Just because she is the only one who realizes that Michael is a useless bastard!”

“Speaking of our rambunctious little baby of the family. He he he…”

“Can you stop sounding like a perverted old man for one god damn second?”

“That perk that her mother purchased for her? That she would praise Michael every time she tried to insult him? That was incredibly arousing. I did something similar to you by forcing you to be polite. But I have to concede defeat here. This is way better. But that was only the appetizer of Mallory’s voral woes. The real main course is this:”

Scripted Reality - Fans can suggest lines for her to say, which she will be **** to say at some point that day, without warning or context. Others will be unaware of this compulsion and will react as if it were her own thought.

“Tasty.”

“You mean delicious! Mallory just jumped from a somewhat middling placement straight to the top for me. In fact, I liked it so much that I send in my very own submission. And I don’t usually tout my own horn, but it is absolutely genius. As a matter of fact, I am confident I just secured her teams victory. You are welcome, Al.”

“Personally, I just feel bad for the bitch. Like, do you even realize how fucked up this is?”

“Maybe. I do recall making you go through something similar, once. Was it during operation Downfall?”

“Yes. I still need therapy for that.”

“So in the end, I suppose Mallory does quite remind me of you.”

“That’s the real reason, huh?”

“I do hope of course that she gets reformed and turns into a respectable member of society. And there is no better way to accomplish this then via total humiliation.”

“Have I told you today that you are fucked up, Marcie?”

“Yes, two times. But to get back to Mallory. I guess, technically she already is reformed as of the latest chapter.”

“And that’s exactly why this story sucks, Marcie!”

“Gina please.”

“No, I’m serious. Mallory? Reformed. That whole Vivian subplot? Straight out of the window. Because the only way to win in this stupid game is to be a goodie two shoes! And because the voters are limp dicked virgin loser nerds the goal of these boy scouts is now to prevent anyone from getting eliminated, which is boring as fuck!”

“You know, Gina. I actually agree with you here.”

“Don’t try to deny...wait, what?”

“As much as I enjoy the erotic content, as a professional reviewer I would be remiss to not point out the tension issue that comes from having POV chapters for every contestant. See, because we are privy to their thoughts, there isn’t really any chance for them to trick or manipulate us. And because of that, the only winning move is to play nice.”

“Now, that you mention it, Marcie. I don’t think Janet had one of them POV thingies, at least not in this read.”

“Hm...true.”

“I bet it’s to set her up as the secret villain. Hah! Get fucked Dissonantsoundhack I just called your plot twist!”

“Huh...actually let me check something really quick.”

“Oh fuck, noooooo!”

FOUR HOURS LATER

Ruby: 16

Danica: 9

Mallory: 8

Luciana: 6

Vivian: 6

Michael: 6

Janet: 5

Sarah: 5

Ronnie: 3

“These are the number of POV’s per character from the start of the story. What do you think, Gina?”

“Ruby is a gloryhog and Diss has a MILF fetish.”

“As you can see, there is definitely somewhat of an imbalance but Janet is still inside that large 5-6 cluster. I am actually the most surprised that Ronnie got so few POV’s Fascinating really. These where four hours well spent.”

“Three of them where just you masturbating.”

“Getting back on topic, my point still stands. Perhaps, a third person perspective would have been more beneficial for the story. That way, the voters wouldn’t have such an easy time figuring out who’s genuine and who’s not. Imagine the mind games we could have! I mean, don’t get me wrong the story is still entertaining and very arousing to read. It is just a bit of a shame.”

“Told you Diss’s a hack.”

“I will say though, the fact that he still manages to create such an engaging tale, despite being **** to use inputs from the incompetent degenerates frequenting this site is a testament of his skill.”

“Bah, humbug! Time is ever moving forward to my reveal at the end. Then we will see who isn’t a hack!”

“Alright, alright. What’s up next?”

“hm...eh...favorite and least favorite girl?”

“As I have alluded to, I give the favorite role this time to Mallory. I just have a thing for unruly brats getting humiliated followed by redemption.”

“…”

“Your turn, Gina.”

“Hmm...ehh...Sarah, I guess…”

“You don’t sound very convinced.”

“I don’t like how she continues to turn less of a lesbian so I have to dock her points. But that car scene was pretty great and the bondage was even greater!”

“That sounds an awfully lot like praise, Gina.”

“Shut up! Story still sucks! Just wait for my bombshell at the end!”

“You are hyping this up way too much, Gina.”

“No, I’m not!”

“Alright, alright, least favorite?”

“Still the MILF.”

“Sheesh. For me it’s Janet, simply because I think she was the most underutilized character of the bunch. I would have liked to see more of her dealing with the change of her sexual orientation. And her transformation choices this time around were rather uninspired as well.

“As I was saying, fuck Diss.”

“On the positive side, Michael was a lot more active in this batch. Diss clearly took my advice to heart. A wise choice as I am an expert when it comes to writing.”

“You have never written a single thing in your life, Marcie.”

“Gentle maledom is not something that we encountered often here. And it is not exactly on my top kink shelf but I can definitely see the appeal.”

“Which is good, because I don’t.”

“Well then, I think we can wrap this follow up “up” now. Heh. That said, our bet has still not concluded so I suppose we will unfortunately have to do another follow up on this story. How tragic.”

“Not very likely, Marcie. Because my bombshell will explode so hard it will cause Diss to delete this crap faster then Sarah does cars. When I am done with him, even you will have **** but to admit that this story is absolute dogshit.”

“All I can say is that this will better be worth it, Gina. Just remember that when I last did this the author actually stopped writing.”

“Fuck you, Marcie. I liked that story! Now you will see how it feels! Get ready to never masturbate again!”

“Do your worst.”

“Alright, listen up, you fucks. In the second transformation round Vivian ended up with the following.”

She’ll Always Have a Place to Sit - If someone else is seated in her presence, she cannot sit anywhere but in their lap or have them sit in hers. She will feel most comfortable and content if sitting in the Master’s lap, with his erection pressing against her ass.

“Yes. I thought that was actually quite erotic. Although I definitely prefer the Heel one.”

“Nobody cares. Shut up.”

“Alright, Alright.”

“So! In the description it clearly states that if anybody else is seated, she has to sit in their lap.”

“Well, technically...”

“Zip it. But then during the third challenge everyone is clearly depicted sitting and Vivian gets her own chair! Why is she getting her own chair, Marcie?”

“Well, I mean, isn’t it to be expected that this would be canceled during a challenge?”

“I KNEW YOU WOULD BE SAYING THAT!”

“Ok, geez. You don’t have to shout.”

“EXHIBIT B!”

‘Lucky’ be a Lady Tonight - Luciana is blessed with fortune based upon her position on the leaderboard. The higher she ranks, the luckier she will be. Lower rankings will make her unlucky. Does not apply while gambling or during challenges.

“Hm.”

“Pay attention to the last line! It clearly states that her luck wont work during challenges! So why does it say it here but not in Vivian description! Huh, Marcie? Care to explain?”

“Umm...”

“You can’t! Because Diss fucked up! This is without a doubt a plothole! Get fucked, you stupid hack! I WON! THIS IS MY VICTORY! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“…”

“AHAHAHAHAHA...HA...why be so calm? Don’t even try to retort! There is nothing there!”

“Don’t worry, Gina. I won’t.”

“Marcie...what the fuck are you planning?”

“Because I feel nice I let you have this one. For now. I leave the rebuttal up to our relatively lovely hosts.”

“Grrr, your bluffing. There is absolutely nothing there to explain this! I checked. I even double checked!”

“We will see, won’t we? Of course, if Al and Ruby can’t explain this...”minor issue”-which I already figured out- it would be pretty embarrassing for them.”

“Marcie, you fence sitting bitch. You don’t get to act smug about not knowing something!”

“But I do. Know something After all, Gina, don’t you remember the first rule of this show?”

“...”

“Nobody outranks the audience.”

“THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE!”