Al and Ruby respond to Gina's malicious libel

Ruby

With the first challenge in the books, the first transformations distributed, and most (but sadly not all) of the contestants’ wills broken, Ruby was eager to take stock and see how her first shot at hosting was being received. Al was resting in his Airstream trailer near the rear of the hotel, so Ruby kicked at his door.

“Al, got your ass out here, we’ve gotten in the first batch of reviews for our season.” Ruby called into the window of his trailer. She dumped an armload of newspapers, magazines, and other detritus onto the picnic table outside.

The door slammed open and Al joined her. “Yeah, whatta we got, baby? Five-stars across the board?”

Ruby picked up the newspaper on top of the stack. “The New York Times called our show ‘insulting to the dignity of everyone who participates or consumes it.’“

“Good start.”

“Pitchfork said ‘Diss relies entirely on musical references in lieu of sensible plotting or character development.’”

“Still not bad.” Al sifted through the pile until he found a small printout near the bottom of the stack. “Woah, look at this, baby! We got a Marcie and Gina review?”

“Wow, really? You’re nobody until Gina hates you.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

READING

“Ok, Ruby, I knew it was coming and I still gotta ask: What the hell, Gina?”

“Ok, calling it now, this is the story of an old guy going to hotel full of young girls who he can fuck at his leisure. Can you tell how excited I am?”

“Shows what you know, dumbass! That story already exists and Diss even wrote a branch for it! And by total coincidence and not sheer uncreative hackery, that middle-aged male lead’s name is Miguel! Take that!”

“I’m not sure that makes the point you think it does, Al. But Gina does seem a bit confused in her complaints.”

“No, my description still applies. This is a **** device story. Only this time the **** device is a reality show!”

…

“Duh, but I also don’t think [Danica] is particularly appealing. She just bitches and whines all the time.”_

“What does Gina think she should be doing? Celebrating?” Ruby shrugged and shook her head. “If you’re gonna complain that the story is a **** device, why shouldn’t she be mad about it!?”

“I’m not sure Gina knows either, baby. She’s introduced as a 19 year old who still has almost a full year of high school left, so she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.”

“Not that Marcie is all that pulled together either.”

“I mean, yes Gina. But this is where this story really shines. A lesser narrative would have made the fact that Mallory is in here the main twist of the contestants. Here she gets introduced rather matter of factly.”

“Mallory is introduced butt naked, banging her best friend’s boyfriend, while high as a kite on cocaine and marijuana! Which apparently doesn’t rate a mention to these lunatics! Apparently that was so matter-of-fact that they didn’t even include it in their tally of sex scenes!” Ruby flailed her arms in exasperation.

“You know, if that’s the kind of shit that doesn’t even register on the radar at her school, I can forgive Gina for taking the slow path to graduation.”

“And just look at this!”

“Ted literally did the exact same fucking thing!”

“Well yeah, but you know, he is Ted.”

Now Al was just as mad. “He stole that idea from sho and Pixie but he put their names on the box! It ain’t plagiarism if you cite your sources, baby!”

“Too true, Al. What a wild accusation. Somehow they seem to think there’s a shortage of Dad Jokes even, insane! Still, I think we’ve found the smoking gun on these goofballs.”

“Hm, perhaps to close this review you care for a wager, Gina? Who do you think is going to win this? Weird Al or Ruby Rubacuori?”

“Ruby obviously, duh. Al is an evil, ugly, fat bastard with a top hat. Nobody wants that sick fuck to win.”

“Hm, very well then. I am on Team Al. Loser will get a Harem Hotel transformation put on them?”

“The winners of this game are determined by a reader vote. If there’s one group of degenerates that you never want to hold your fate - it’s CHYOA readers. Good luck, ladies.” Ruby smirked and blew a kiss to the camera.

“They’ll need it. Considering how much Gina complained about an old man’s dick, they’ll surely vote to give her one of her own.” Al shook his head, took the printout of the review, and used the lit end of his cigar to set it on fire. “And I’ve never once worn a top hat!”