Depends

Monica sips her bourbon. Her playful brown eyes stare at my friend over the glass. When she lowers it, she says “Depends how big it is. Will I be able to see it from here?”

Before Joey can respond, Phoebe laughs and says, “That gives me a great idea! Let’s have a dick-measuring contest!”

Ross asks, “What does the winner get?”

Monica says, “The winner can fuck whomever they want tonight.”

Shockingly none of the women protest at this suggestion. They must be as horny as me. I start thinking about who I’ll choose if I win. But I might come in last. Joey is always bragging about “his hog”, and Ross looks pretty confident eyeing the ladies up and down imagining what he is going to do to them.

I say “What we need is a ruler and some inspiration for growth.”