Check the Mirror and stay Humble

You grabbed your smartphone that you were idly surfing on just before your divine revelation and hurried into your bathroom. What greeted your eyes in the mirror was an average face, messy brown hair, brown eyes, slightly slumping shoulders on a short 5’8” frame, and a bit of chub at a slender 140 lbs. That was you, Michael Hazelton.

Nothing about you was remarkable and you lacked social skills in general, which had resulted in the prime years of your life, the teens and twenties, passing you by without a single girlfriend. The fact that you lived in your parents’ house and worked a boring remote job meant you weren’t struggling for money, but it didn’t particularly bode well for your social life.

The only people you knew in the area of the suburbs you lived in were your high school bullies. Everyone else moved to greener pastures. All you had were online friends and you weren’t too close to any of them. You would probably be seriously depressed if it weren’t for your loving family and extended family that you hung out with often.

“Here goes nothing.” you said to yourself, not really expecting anything to happen, but taking off your shirt and pants regardless. You typed out in your smartphone’s Notes app, ‘I wish I had the body of an American football running back.’ You then saved the note.

All of a sudden, your body rippled and expanded unnaturally. You were awestruck looking at the mirror when the transformation finished. “Holy shit! I really did meet God and he gave me powers!” you screamed in shock. Your entire body was now made of solid muscle and you stood at 6’ tall, probably clocking in at monstrous 230 lbs.

The change was a bit too jarring for you. In fact, you hardly recognized yourself. Not wanting your family to lose their shit, you quickly went back on your phone and added, ‘My body keeps this approximate muscle to fat ratio, but I want my height to be the same as before.’ Then you saved.

Your body returned to its former height, but now, despite your ripped musculature, you appeared much less intimidating. You were probably around 160 lbs. This size meant if you wore clothes to cover up your body, you could probably still vanish into the crowd. And you felt like you could still recognize yourself. Overall, you still were not sure what you were going to do with all this power, so you wanted to start with small changes. “Humility is a virtue, right?”

Okay, maybe you could indulge a little bit in the perverted impulses rushing to the forefront of your mind. You save another few changes to the Notes app. Some are for your perverted pleasure and some are quality of life adjustments.

‘My touch turns women on.’

‘Make all female bodies sexier by 20%.’

‘Women never grow hair below their eyebrows.’

‘On that note, get rid of all the hair under my neck and give me some permanent Chad stubble.’

‘Fix my hairdo and make it something casually attractive. ’

‘For the sake of myself and the rest of humanity, get rid of balding altogether.’

A series of ripples passed through your eyes. You made several worldwide changes and you were curious if they actually worked. You no longer had the beginnings of a bald patch encroaching on your scalp, thinning away your thick brown locks, so it probably did work globally. Wonderful! God really didn’t put any limits on your powers, did he? What a madlad! Alright then, moving on to serious business. Time to satisfy your fetish.