The AXE Effect

"Welcome to your first day of employment at Biogenetech," the old man told you in a very unenthusiastic voice. "My name's Scruffy, and I'm your new boss."

"Hi," you say as you hold out your hand to shake his, "I'm John. I'm very excited to start here." You weren't really excited to work here, but a position on the janitorial staff here was the only job you could find after being fired from your last job.

Scruffy looked at your hand, but didn't shake yours. "Heh, nobody's excited to be a janitor. No need to suck up to me, kid. As long as you do your half of the work, I don't care what you think of the job." The old man handed you a pair of overalls with the name Darnell stitched across the name tag. "Here's your uniform, and the supplies are in that closet at the end of the hall marked Janitor. Here's the key to the closet. I'm assuming that you know how to run a broom and mop?"

"Yes, Sir."

Just then a tall woman with dark hair in a bun and glasses walked past the two of you. She was wearing a lab coat, but you could still tell that she had a banging body under it.

"Don't bother even thinking about that one," Scruffy said as the two of you watched her walk down the hall. "That one's an ice queen, she is. That's Dr. McKenzie and if Scruffy can't get her to warm up then you certainly aren't going to get anywhere with her." The old man followed up this comment by coughing a wad of phlegm into his hanky. As he tucked the hanky back into his pocket, he told you your first assignment. "This is a new building for Biogenetech and the last company that was here left a bunch of crap in the back storerooms. I need you to haul it all out to the dumpsters. If you find anything toxic, y'know chemicals, make sure that you get rid of it the right way."

"All right," you say. After getting directions from Scruffy, you head back to the storerooms and get to work hauling lots of old files and damaged equipment out to the dumpster area. It's almost time for your lunch break when you pull a box out of the corner. The lid says "Not for mass production. Failed pretesting." It makes a clanking noise and you open it up to see what's inside.

It's a case of little deodorant cans. Picking one up you read, "AXE: IRRESISTIBLE BODY SPRAY". You count thirty two cans in the box and wonder what is wrong with it that it was getting tossed in the trash. You use AXE spray at home (although not this scent) and a case like this would probably last you a couple years. You test one of the cans, spraying it and then sniffing the mist. "Smell's great," you think to yourself.