Godly Intervention

Eros sighed. Today was turning out like every other day he'd suffered for aeons. Stuck on Mount Olympus, occasionally shooting an arrow at a nymph for target practice, the minor God was getting sick of the routine.

"Mother, can you please tell me why I'm not allowed out in the human world?" Eros asked Aphrodite, a question she'd grown accustomed to hearing.

"Because," the goddess of love began, "you can't be trusted out there. Every time we let you out, you mess with natural law and people end up getting hurt. Do you remember what happened with Cleopatra and Mark Antony?"

"In my defence, that was doomed before I even picked up my bow." Eros reasoned, "But I'm serious! How fair is it that Zeus can go out and knock some poor, mortal woman up every two years and Hera can kill said woman, yet I can't play matchmaker?"

"For one, you're not the King or Queen of Mount Olympus." Aphrodite retorted, "Secondly, your matchmaking always goes the same way. You shoot girl, girl falls in love with boy, boy falls in love with girl, boy goes to war, boy dies and girl kills herself out of grief."

"True..." Eros conceded, "But mortals are different now! They choose if they want to go to war! Anyways, after that last disaster, I've spent my time making some new products. Not only are they less dangerous than archery, but they're purely sexual. One engagement, and the humans will return to however they were before. I'm not just a bow and arrow baby, as humans depict me. I'll even promise to use some of my magic to cloak myself and ensure not a single mortal eye falls on me!"

Aphrodite pursed her lips, eyeing the mischievous God. She had good reason not to believe him, he always ruined the lives of innocent mortals. Especially beautiful, young maidens.

"I suppose it has been a long time." Aphrodite relented, "Fine. You can go. On two conditions!"

"Anything!" Eros grinned.

"First, I do not want to see any young women hurt. You can only use men! Homosexuality is being accepted again, so it shouldn't be too bad."

"Hey, just like the old Greek way!" Eros laughed, already slinging his fletcher over his shoulder and grabbing a satchel full of an assortment of bags. "What's the second thing?"

"You can only take one 'product'." Aphrodite levelled.

"What!" Eros cried. "But I've made several!"

"Well if you don't mess up too badly, you may get to frequent a bit more." Aphrodite said.

"Fine!" Eros grumbled, taking his satchel and fletcher off. "But what do I take?"