To you

Philia: "Sophie. You probably understand that it's not lightly that I've come here."

Sophie: "Yeah, I understand the feeling. It was super hard for me to even get out of bed today. So wha-"

*ZZzzZPOW!*

At this point you see that Philia has shot you with a laser rifle in your stomach. Your genetic super-engineering has however made you near-invulnerable, and even that overcharged laser shot couldn't pierce your exposed abs. Instead it leaves merely an aching scratch.

Sophie: "Ow! That's not nice, now."

Philia: "What on... That shot could've bust through a Terasteel wall!"

Sophie: "You guyses are really behind on the tech, aren't you? No wonder you're losing the war. GUARDS!"

The door to the dimly lit office slams open; two burly, heavily armored felines burst in. You standing there with a blackened smudge on your stomach and Philia wielding a smoking laser gun, assessing the situation isn't too difficult. Philia is constrained.

Philia: "You are a monster, you know that? You lounge around here all day, painfully unaware of all the horrors which you've imparted with my people."

Sophie: "Look, I know what my army is about. And I know it's not pretty, but there's only so much resources that a growing kingdom can attain from their own planet."

Philia strains against the two guards.

Philia: "That's just what the Ministry wants you to think, isn't it?"

The ministers at present seem shocked at these accusations.

Prime minister: "That's it. Get her out of here!"

The guards begin to drag her away, but you stop them.

Sophie: "Hold up now, buds. I'm the highest authority present, and I'd like to grill our prisoner for a bit more. I trust there's no objection?"

Prime minister: "Hm. As you wish, Your Highness."

Sophie: "Who do you think you are, accusing my ministers of lying to me? I've seen first hand the impact of tremendous population growth and the recession which has plagued us for years."

Philia: "First hand? Or second hand?"

Sophie: "Okay fair enough, my ministers do keep me up to date, mostly. But to suppose that they've fabricated everything I know about my own Kingdom... That's a bit of a rough patch."

Philia: "Tell me this then, Sophie. Did you ever read those trade deals we sent you before hostilities began? Did you even know we sent them?"

Sophie: "I did, and they were outrageous. I'm sorry, but if you wanted to end this you could've maybe first tried giving me a call? I've got your number but you never seem to answer me."

Philia is silent for a moment and looks dumbfounded.

Philia: "...I've spoken to you on the phone twice this week."

Now you don't know what to say. Not sure what to believe in, either. You look back at your ministers inquisitively. They look around at one another.

Prime Minister: "She's clearly lying, Your Highness."

Sophie: "Show me your phone, Philia."

Prime Minister: "Oh come now, what cou-"

Sophie: "Silence! Philia, your phone please."

Philia: "It's in my bag over by that chair."

You retrieve the phone. By now you're certain that something is definitely up. Your foreign minister looks like he's about to ****, and the minister of communications is breaking a sweat just standing around.

You let Philia unlock the phone, and scroll around to find your own name from the contact list. 'Her Highness Queen Sophie: of Kpau' is pretty self-explanitory in your opinion. As you press call, the room is quiet save for a light melodious beeping of the dial tone. Your own phone in turn stays completely silent.

You turn to face your Prime Minister, lips puckered in anger.

Prime Minister: "It- it must be a connection issue, just wait of a few momen- GET HER!"

Two or three of the ministers jump on top of you, trying to pin you down. At the same time the Prime Minister points the previously-confiscated laser rifle at your face. While you certainly are strong enough to throw around even the heaviest of your ministers with ease, they've got you at a very awkward angle, and just keep piling on.

Prime Minister: "I don't know how the rifle failed on the first try, but I assure 'Your Highness' that at point blank this will be lethal for even you."

Sophie: "Eugh! Don't you fucking dare!"

Philia: "NO!"

The Prime Minister presses the gun barrel against your forehead and takes the shot. However, as before, this barely even injures you.

Prime Minister: "Oh no. No, no no no!"

The rifle takes about ten seconds to recharge. This has bought you enough time to wrestle yourself out from underneath half a dozen or so ministers. You manage to stand up and grab hold of your Prime Minister, unceremoniously crushing his rifle with your bare hands. The room is in disarray.

Sophie: "Guards! The entire Ministry is corrupt, jail them! And release Philia, her communications with me have clearly been compromised."

Guards are unsure of where exactly they stand in this. On the other hand the ministers have bribed them to the moon and back for their own purposes, on the other hand the coup has clearly failed, and trying to interfere with the Queen would likely result in their execution at this point. Better to just pretend they never knew about this.

Guard: "Yes, Your Highness."

The guards ask for backup to take every Minister present for interrogation. As it turns out, most of the Ministry was profiting from the war efforts, and thus tried to gaslight you into believing that Philia was being unreasonable and that war was the only suitable course of action to begin with.

When the war was about to turn in your favor, the Ministry managed to convince Philia to try and **** you under the guise of peace negotiations. After this, the Ministry would've killed Philia as well and assumed direct control of the two empires.

Your Minister of Economy was a wild card in all of this. He saboteured the coup attempt by supplying Philia's laser rifle with a much less powerful variation to ensure that you wouldn't die. For this, he is the only person in your Ministry to be spared of imprisonment.

A few days after the hubbub of the attempted coup has died down, you and Philia announce on a live stream that the peace negotiations were successful and that the war is over.

You and Philia both delete your old message history and start anew as friends. This later progresses into a full-fledged partnership, and after a long while, marriage.

ENDING 9 -I thought this was a porno-