The Portal Ring

"Congratulations lucky recipient on being the 7th caller to FM 106.66 the late night hour!" You read.

To be honest you can't even remember calling them, last night was a complete blur as you partied harder then you ever had before. Which to be honest wasn't that hard seeing as you were a CS student in college. But it was halloween and you were a freshmen, go hard or go home. You were trying to jog your memory desperately, was there a woman dressed with red horns? Ugh your head. Anyways you continue reading the invoice from the box.

"You have won the portal ring of lust." you snort loudly as you reach in and feel cool metal and pull out an aluminum ring, what catches your eye is the blue anodization of the metal and the weight. It's fairly light and it looks like scales had been carved into it. You slip it on your index finger and it fits perfectly. Then you feel an electric shock and yelp "fuck!" and throw it to the ground.

You hear a friendly little chime and a buzz from it and you look back at the invoice. Wait, the invoice was suddenly dozens of pages of legalize. "This is freaky" you mutter to yourself as you leaf through it. The last page says:

"Tl;dr because we all know you didn't read the rest so here's the skinny:

The ring is fitted to you alone, you can pull and adjust it to any size up to two feet. You may place a corresponding portal on any flat surface just by willing it so."

_Wait, what? you think to yourself and you look up at the wall and concentrate. Suddenly a shining orange ring appears but inside of the ring is just the wall. When you look through the blue ring you can see out like a one way...well...not mirror exactly but one way...wall? You pick up the other half of the ring and feel the scales. _it says you are adjustable_ and you grip the two edges of the ring and pull, you realize what the scales are for! As the ring expands they slot into the space just vacated, _brilliant!\ you think to yourself until finally the last scale settles seamlessly until the ring reaches a little over two feet in diameter and is seamlessly smooth.

You restrain the urge to start sticking body parts through and so you set the blue ring on the floor. _hmmm_ and you see your textbook and pick it up. _If light goes through maybe mass will too?_ you reason as you drop the book. It goes straight through the blue portal, then out the orange and wacks you in the side of the head.

"Ow!" you shout as the book leaves a dent on your ego. "Fuck that hurt" as you pick up the instructions and the next like reads:

User Warning: Conservation of Energy including Momentum Turned on by Default. "Speedy thing go in, speedy thing go out."

Whoever wrote this thing has a sick sense of humor

It's not our fault you don't read the directions

You fall backwards as you hit the floor. "What the fuck?!" After a few minutes of ducking behind cover and looking at the instructions like a snake your curiosity gets the better of you and you finally read them.

Ring Settings:

Settings may be adjusted by depressing symbols on back of the ring.

As you look at the back of the ring you see numerous symbols that somehow all click for you. Even though you don't know the language you somehow understand it

Reactionary

1. Non - Reaction: Target will not sense any object sent through the ring.

2. Reactionary - Ignored: Target will sense the object but ignore it

3. Targeted Interaction - The target will fully sense the object, anyone else will experience Non-Reaction

4. Public: Anyone that is not the target will act as though whatever the target is doing with the object is normal. This will not stop the target from feeling otherwise and may cause it to feel embarrassment, humiliation, etc...

5. Custom: User may whisper a desired reaction from the target

Desire

1. Undesired: The target will act as though the object is unwanted or undesirable

2. Friendly: The Target will act as though the object is familiar to them

3. Amorous: The target will be drawn to please whatever object is put through the ring.

4. Lust: The target's libido will be multiplied by a factor specified by the user from between 1.0x being regular to 11.0x being maximum. Use with caution.

Lubrication

1 - Yes

2 - No

Safe-Sex

1 - No sexual fluids will be left with either participants

2 - Sperm will be sterilized but left as deposited

3 - Sperm will not be modified

4 - If available the target shall ovulate

5 - The target shall do whatever is possible to be inseminated

Incremental Motion

1 - None

2 - The portal shall be moved up and down out of plane for an amount set between 1 and 10 inches at a rate between once every ten seconds to five times a second. If lubrication set to <1> enough shall be provided to ensure

Transparency

1 - None

2 - Opaque: Objects through the portal shall appear opaque

3 - Opaque and Ethereal: Objects through the portal shall appear opaque and only affect those parts of the target that the user specifies.

Custom

1 - While depressing the symbol the user whispers their desire and the portal shall either blink blue if the change is accepted or orange if not

2 - Bluetooth: Nearest pair of user headphones are automatically connected to audio from the other portal when in use.

You cannot believe this. It has to be a joke. But then you see the textbook sitting flopped on the floor and gulp. Just then you hear the bells ring and realize you are late to class. You see one last instruction.

Once bound to the user, the ring and what the user does with it shall be ignored and unbelieved. Enjoy your prize from 106.66 :)