The Derp Chronicles Special: The Derp Sliders Part 3!

The two sat in their seats, spoke in hushed whispers, as to prevent any unwanted ears from hearing what was said. They did not know the rules of this world, what could be the same and what is different, so extra security would be best. A seat in the back, away from the rest of the bus’ occupants worked best for John and Idena.

“So, this barrier is in our universe as well?” asked Idena.

“I suppose so. The only real way to find out is to go check. Hell, we may be able to recruit them to help with our little Order problem,” pointed out John as the bus continued along its route. A quick glance out the window showed that the vehicle was nearing the edge of town. The buildings got smaller as more and more green showed up in his view.

“Well then, I do hope they exist in our universe,” Idena mentioned as she too watched out the window. “So, how much further?” she asked.

“It should probably be the next stop, so get ready to get off,” John informed the harpy, who nodded and prepared to leave the bus. A few minutes later the bus came to a stop. The two got up from their seats and made their way off the bus, everyone too caught up with whatever was on their phones to pay attention to the two as they left.

“Seems like nobody followed us. Maybe nobody knows we’re from an alternate universe?” conclude Idena as she followed John towards the forest.

“Yeah, looks like it. I’m not sure if anyone would be able to tell. Maybe Wentworth, but I doubt she’d even care, with her secrets and all,” John concluded as they made their way to the entrance. The two traveled in silence as they made their way deeper and deeper into the forest. After a good amount of time in the forest, John and Idena both felt a barrier nearby.

“Well, let’s go see if this is the place Gaia was talking about,” John said as the two changed direction to the barrier.

“Glad to see your training on sensing magic is working,” noted Idena, proud of her king.

“Yeah, that and I think this module has an innate ability to sense magic. Because of the whole paladin thing,” admitted John. The two suddenly felt a strange spike of magic and stopped in their tracks from the sudden surge that surrounded them.

“W-what is this?!” exclaimed Idena, not sure what was happening.

“Oh no…this can’t be…not again!” cried John as he realized where the magical build up was coming from.

“What is it, master?” asked Idena, who got her answer not from John, but rather from the creature that the magic emanated from.

**Trap Barrier Activated!

Owner: Ennard the Cuddle Dragon
Owner must be defeated to leave!**

“Oh no…” was all Idena could let out as she received the same pop up as John. “Not this guy again!”

“Huh? Wait a minute. I swore I had the right universe. This is the one where John’s with the hunters right?” mumbled the fire dragon that wasn’t quite a fire dragon anymore. Now the once fierce looking dragon was in the shape of a young, teenage boy. At least John was pretty sure Ennard was a teenage boy. The form was rather effeminate, with the clothing appearing to be something you’d see on a teenage girl, not boy. Ennard wore a long sleeve dress shirt that was covered with a button up vest with sleeves that hung midway down the arm. To top everything off, Ennard had a black bow tied around his neck, its endings hanging down a bit. Ennard’s lower half was covered in leggings and a fluffy skirt that he kept playing with. Ennard reached into his pocket and pulled out a map, which he glared at rather intensely. “Hmm. Yeah, this is definitely the one where John joins the hunters. So then why is Idena here? She’s only in the one where John’s magic manifest as video game modules? This is all so strange. But there is one solution! I take her home with me!” the ladyboy said as a smile spread across his face.

“Ugh. He’s gonna try to kidnap you again. And probably summon those shadow girls again. This dragon is the worst,” John told Idena, who nodded in agreement.
“I really don’t want him to take me, master,” pleaded Idena.

“Don’t worry, we’ll stop him. Just like we did last time,” he reassured his faithful companion as he drew his weapon. Idena, too, got ready for combat by summoning her gauntlets. The two entered a combative stance, ready to counter whatever the dragon had ready for them.

“Oh? You wish to fight me? Dear Idena, it would be far easier if you just came with me! Just look at your hair, it begs to be bradied by me! I do a fantastic job of it too! You can ask all the girls!” he said with a delightful glee to it. “But if you want to be mean about it, fine! Last time I was stuck in my dimensional portal when I fought you, so my power was severely reduced. But now, now I’m here fully, which means so is my power! Come earth, wind, water, and fire!”

Ennard raised his hands up above his head while four orbs swirled around him. The four orbs swirled faster and faster, each one becoming darker in certain color. The fastest one gained more green as it pivoted all around Ennard, never to stay on a single path. The orb that glowed redder and redder changed its path and diverted to chase after the green orb. The blue and brown orbs continued along their paths, not deterred by the two other orbs. Suddenly, all four orbs emanated a bright light, blinding John and Idena while Ennard just laughed.

“Yes, yes! Come to me, my lovelies! Come to your cuddlemaster!” he shouted as the light dimmed down and four figures were now visible.

“OHWOW!WHEREAREWE?OMGISTHISANEWWORLD?!ITDOESN’TFEELLIKEHOME!OHLOOKTHERE’SJOHNANDSOMEBODYIDON’TKNOW!HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHN!” The small fairy talked and moved too fast for John to fully comprehend.

“DAMMIT SYLPH, CALM DOWN!” shouted the red skinned girl as she chased this apparent Sylph. Slyph seemed to be slightly faster, however, and the red skinned girl was unable to catch her.

“HAHAYOUCAN’TCATCH ME SALLY!” taunted Sylph as she zoomed around the two other girls that formed from the blue and brown orbs.

“Eep! He’s looking at me!” cried out the short girl with long twintails and a cute face. “Save me Undine!” she pleaded as she hid behind the girl that appeared to be made out of water.

“Gnome…” was all Undine said, her tone a sad one, as the earthen girl hid behind her but still clearly visible through Undine’s liquid body.

“Girls, listen up! That meany face over there has sweet, innocent waifus over there that he wants to do bad things to! We must stop him, together!” Ennard tried his best to give a rousing speech, but none of the girls seemed particularly interested in what he said. John used this confusion to his advantage and decided to use the same strategy that stopped Ennard last time.

“Well, not sure if this’ll work in another universe, but we’re outnumbered and those four do look strong,” noted John to Idena as he cast Summon Dragon, not sure if it’d even work between the different universe and derp energy that probably surrounded Yatina from Mimi’s earlier explosion.

“Mlem, mlem, mlem,”John watched as Mimi, Yatina, another Mimi, and Yatina when she was a whelp all stood in a circle licking each other. John and Idena stood there, completely flabbergasted at what they saw.

“You just had to say that there would be two Mimis, didn’t you?” an annoyed John told Idena.

“To be fair, I didn’t actually expect it to be true!” confessed Idena, now aware she probably jinxed them by saying that earlier. The girls, however, had stopped licking each other as three of the four girls lifted their heads at the sound of a familiar voice.

“Master!” cried Yatina as she flew over and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I’m happy to see you!” she said, a giant smile on her face. “Oh! Look who me and Mimi found! Us!” she said happily as Mimi dragged Mimi and whelp Yatina over to where John and Idena was.

“Oh, this is my big bro John! He has a big castle instead of tents! Yaya and I destroyed it one time!” Mimi said proudly. Her doppelganger just stared in amazement.

“He really does look like big bro John! But this one has neater armor! I can see myself in it!” exclaimed Mimi as she and her sneks made faces in John’s armor.

“Yep, definitely Mimi alright,” John said as he sighed and proceeded to pat all four of the little girls in front of him.

“Um, master, what are we gonna do about Ennard?” asked Idena, worried that the two Mimis may get hurt in the battle.

“Actually, I have an idea about that,” John said as his eyes flickered between the girls and Ennard. “Hey girls, you see that boy over there?” asked John as he pointed towards Ennard. All four girls nodded. “Well, he licks to play derp derp pat. Why don’t you go play with him?” suggested John, who knew full well Ennard would not be able to stand the cuteness of the four girls patting him.

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! DERP DERP PAT!” yelled the three girls as the whelp let out a happy little roar. All four made a beeline for Ennard, who watched with eyes so wide John swore they had turned into those strange anime eyes people would make using contacts, his arms wide open as if to hug the girls. The girls, however, had different plans as they separated right before they got to Ennard and began poking him from every direction while yelling “Derp!” Ennard, who spun on his feet in an attempt to catch one of the girls, failed to grab or even touch one of these masters of derp games. The constant spins that Ennard performed in his attempts to get one of the girls quickly caused him to get dizzy, the girls giggled as they saw him sway from side to side as his movements slowed down until he eventually collapsed, a smile on his face.

“Yay! We winned!” said one Mimi, while the other hugged the two dragons.

“We’re the bestest!” said Yatina as they ran back to John and Idena, who rewarded the girls with lots of pats. The two watched as the four elementals slowly disappeared as Ennard’s barrier slowly faded away, him being considered beaten.

Trap Barrier destroyed. Ennard has been defeated!

Achievement Unlocked: Thinking Outside the Box
You just beat a very powerful, multidimensional being using two derpy gorgons and two derpy dragons. I must admit, I am surprised. I’m sure your Gaia would reward you with stats for your strength or endurance, but sadly all I have is a whole lot of agility lying around for my John. So you get some of that!
Reward(s): +5 AGI, Pat in a Box

Pat in a Box
Epic
This wind-up toy has a big, soft hand in it that, when sprung, will give pats to anybody nearby.

“Well, I definitely know what we are doing with this,” John said as he held up the Pat in a Box for everyone to see. The four young derps just stood in awe at the item, mesmerized that such a small thing could give them unlimited pats.

“WE WANT IT! WE WANT IT!” yelled the three girls as jumped up and down, trying to grab the box from John, who put it in his inventory.

“Let’s go to the hunter camp and you four can play with it there, ok?” said John as he began to walk towards the barrier he sensed nearby. Idena rounded up the pouting girls and escorted them behind John, towards the camp where they all hoped they could finally go home.