The Announcement

"Welcome to SWF Monday Night! Scott the midget tripod here, along with Debbie Dallas, and folks, we've been told there's going to be huge news about the Mixed Division! As you all may know Simone has been the Mixed Champion for over a year now and hasn't defended in months, and Tanya McVan has promised to shake the division up."

No Chance started playing, and Tanya wearing her business suit with the shortest skirt walked down the ramp. Following her was Simone, who was carrying her staff and had the Mixed Title around her waist.

"Before we get started, I want to make it clear that I only care what you all think insofar as I want you to continue giving me your money. This does not come from the goodness of my heart, because you all know very well that I don't have any." Tanya smirked as the fans booed her.

"However, I've heard what everyone has to say about the mixed division, and how they would like to see it become a genuine battle of the sexes again, so I'm making some changes to the way the division works. First of all, all men in the league are part of it, women who are not interested may opt out. And contendership will be determined by the 'three consecutive victories' policy that's popular these days, with one catch. Those victories must be over someone of the opposite gender. If a woman is champion, only a man may challenge her, and vice versa."

"Second, we're going to count the days that the Mixed Championship is held by both genders. At the end of a year, the side who held the title longer will get some kind of reward at the expense of the other side. Ah, and to be fair to all parties, Simone will remain the Mixed Champion, but the timer will not start until after her first defense, regardless of whether she wins or loses."

"And last, a lot of the men have complained that the women are allowed to do things that aren't generally permitted by the rules, so there's going to be three sets of rules. Hardcore, Toys, and Natural. You all know what a hardcore match is. Natural means nothing but what God gave you. Toys means, you know, sex toys are legal. Dildos, vibrators, and yes, of course, strapons. So just so we're clear Simone, you don't get to bring staff fighting into normal matches anymore."

It wasn't that the fans were cheering for Tanya, just that they liked the ideas.

Then Simone grabbed the microphone.

"So I am no allowed to use my staff in 'normal matches' anymore, yeah?"

"Did I stutter?" Tanya locked eyes with Simone.

"Nah fam, but this isn't a 'normal match.'"

"OH MY GOD!" Scott screamed. "Simone just attacked the boss!"

"I BEEN RUNNING THIS DIVISION SO HARD AIN'T NO ONE WILL STEP TO ME!" Simone screamed. "AND YOU NOT GONNA TAKE THAT FROM ME!" She sat down on Tanya McVan's back and put Tanya's arms over her knees for a camel clutch, then put her staff under Tanya's chin and started pulling back on it. "SAY IT AIN'T SO!"

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but someone has to help Miss McVan!" Debbie said.