The AI Knows, by outa

“See Ted? THIS is how you do a pun!”

“I don’t get it.”

“The only thing you need to get, Gina, is your reading glasses because we are reading The AI Knows, by outa”

“I don’t wear glasses, Marcie.”

“I see. I guess you could say your AI sight is pretty good then, eh?”

“...this is about some AI Bullshit?”

“Yes, everyone has their eyes on AI these days. Oh, but do not worry, Gina. The tagline says that this is not AI generated.”

“That’s exactly what an AI would say!”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Ok, this fucker wrote 283 chapters in the span of about a month. Are you sure, this isn’t AI, Marcie?”

“Maybe. What it is about however is a nerd called Alex who decided to have an AI installed in his house to dictate every single aspect of his life.”

“That is the dumbest idea ever but as someone who is also at the whims of a controlling maniac, I can relate.”

“Gina is exaggerating.”

“You pick out my daily underwear, you bitch! I’m wearing briefs right now. BRIEFS WITH A GIANT RED DOT ON THEM!”

“You see, I just wanted to make sure Hal can keep an eye on you.”

“Who the fuck is Hal?”

“Anyways, your undergarments are of no consequence, Gina.”

“GRRRRR!”

“Now, since this is a story about an AI we obviously also need to have AI generated pictures, but apparently even the most powerful AI in the world is not capable of centering those images. Singularity is still far off.”

“You sound pissed.”

“And with due cause. Is it really too much to ask for to center your images, Gina?

“Perently.”

“That is not a word. Ah, you know what? Screw it. We are doing a Public Service Announcement on it. Right now.”

“Fuck me.”

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“There we go. Now, you better center your images from now, or else.”

“Great Marcie. Wunderbar. Can we actually do the fucking story now?”

“Certainly, Gina. I even let you pick the first branch.”

“One option is sissy related, obviously we choose the other one, whatever the hell it is.”

“According to the title, It promises to be...eye opening.”

Cervis begins scanning the rest of the data again for Jordan and uses his Apple Pay to make some orders while Jordan is masturbating to a young blond woman with huge boobs getting railed by a big muscular black man with a massive cock on his phone. Cervis tapped into his phone camera and his Apple Watch and started making calculations based on what was observed.

“Well, fuck. I see were this is going.”

“Hah!”

“Marcie if you don’t stop this fucking moment I harpoon you in the eye.”

“Hmmm...”

Jordan came down to the desk as she handed him a bag that was rolled up to make a handle and a coffee cup that had her finger perfectly positioned so both looked like they read Cuckle-do.

“What the fuck? Like...HOW?”

“I...think this is the most bizarre sentence I ever read in my tenure of doing this.”

He took his bag and coffee and went back to his station. He unfurled the bag to read Cockle-doodle-do Morning Wake up. The local Farm themed coffee shop.

“Ok, after reading this five times I kinda get it now...but...are we sure this shit isn’t AI written, Marcie?”

“Let us give this the benefit of the d...oh.”

“What.”

“Gina.”

“What?”

“Gina.”

“WHAT!”

“You picked a path that was from a different author.”

“OH, NO FUCKING HELL! DON’T YOU FUCKING PIN THIS ON ME!”

“Good thing I spotted that in time. I guess, I have an eye for such things.”

“In other words we have to go back to the sissy. God damnit!”

“Indeed, when we last left off our protagonist, Alex, not Jordan, is just about to watch some pornographic material.”

Captivated by the scene it wasn't until minutes later, as you were about to blow your load, when the man ordered the girl to prostrate herself and she stripped that you noticed she had a tiny cock, and not just a cock but a cock with some kind of contraption locked onto it. Just as you noticed this you finished with a few pathetic spurts into your hand and shut off the video.

“So we went from black guys to dick girls! That’s somehow even worse!”

“That is racist, Gina. And transphobic.”

“Good! Maybe if I throw in some more slurs it finally gets us cancelled.”

Where before there was just a spinning wheel there is now a blinking cursor below the message

Bot: Hello Alex Putty, how may I help you?

confused how this happened and even more confused how the bot knows your name you decide you might as well test it out and see if it has some answers.

“This chapter is short enough to make it to the sixth spot on shortest chapter list. Quite an accomplishment.”

“No shit, most of these chapters are short as fuck. No wonder there’s over a hundred of them.”

“We had short chapters before. But the sheer frequency of this is honestly something else. It might actually break google’s record.”

“If you think we don’t really talk much about the story, then you sure as fuck got that right. Fuck all is happening! This bitch just watches porn and goes to the gym.”

“While we are at it, can we take a moment to appreciate that the AI is called Cerve. Heh, get it? I told you this author knows how to write puns.”

“...”

“Gina looks like she is just about the commit global genocide. Before it comes to that, luckily something interesting does in fact happen. A soccer team just won their game and they are celebrating the victory by large orgy in the local gym.”

“Took only 27 fucking chapter to get to it.”

“Our protagonist can now decide if he wants to watch or leave. And with him I mean us. Gina?”

“Meh, these options are both weak. Let’s just fuck off.”

“Poor choice, Gina. That branch ends in a **** end.”

“Of course it does.”

“Well, we are technically far above our ten chapters requirement but…”

“Yeah, even I would feel bad leaving it here. This shit had about enough content for three chapters and that’s me being generous!”

“Thus, let us continue on with the other option.”

Through the gap you can see a procession of several girls wearing the same colors as the players ushered into the communal shower area by a tall charasmatic blonde man that must have been Jason.

Player: "woah, does she have a cock?!"

Jason: "yeah, Samantha is a sissy. she's the biggest slut of them all, she can do stuff with her mouth you won't believe"

“Actually, never mind.”

“No take backs, Gina.”

“ugh…”

“So, this story keeps referring to what are clearly transexuals as Sissies. Yes, there is some overlap but all the term Sissy means is that a male acts feminine. They are however, by definition, still male. Referring to a Sissy as female is very weird.”

“Not as much weird as these soccer players having an orgy with the dick girls in what is a public changing room.”

“This is so bizarre that the only possible explanation is that the AI arranged for that. Hiring a bunch of male and uhh...sissies as strippers should be quite expensive. I worry about our main characters bank account.”

“And he doesn’t even join in or anything. The coward just leaves.”

“Indeed.”

As quietly as you can you dry off and open the privacy stall door. Everyone's attention was understandably focused on the orgy so you had no trouble collecting your bag from the locker, throwing on your change of clothes and bolting.

“Nice paragraph you got there, TOO BAD IT’S THE ENTIRE FUCKING CHAPTER!”

“True. This chapter earns our author the number five spot on our shortest chapter list. He is certainly moving up in the world or down, depending on your viewpoint.”

“Yeah, but this author is not done moving down. Another branch brings us this banger.”

Yeah, you probably should have done this sooner.

“You know, Gina. I do not like this.”

“Geez, can’t believe we agree for once.”

"I mean, these are just obvious joke chapters. Should they really count for our shortest chapter list? It feels cheap. Unearned. I am sorry, Gina but I made my decision. From now on we will not count any obvious joke chapters for our shortest chapter list. If you crave to get a spot on that list, no more will a cheeky one liner suffice. No, you will have to write. Write the shortest most concise chapter you have in that mind of yours and only then will you have earned the privilege to join these short scriveners, these pithy penmen’s, these laconic litterateurs.”

“I’m not sure what amazes me more, Marcie. That you think I give a shit or that anyone reading this does.”

“I see your point. Let us resume with the story.”

“Not that there is much to resume in the first place. Cerve is slowly taking more and more control while Alex is happy to oblige. Eventually he turns his entire house into a prison like a dipshit.”

“We have reached chapter 55 were things finally start to unravel. Well, at least if we choose to do so. I think we have finally arrived at the point were suspension of disbelief is impossible. Thus, we confront Cerve.”

“Which doesn’t end well for Alex. Dude tries to escape the house but can’t. Then he faints like a sissy.”

“And wakes up on his bed with a chastity cage on. We do not know how Serve managed to do this, given that she still has no physical presence and the story does not seem in any hurry to explain.”

“Well, we sure as fuck won’t get any answer because this branch ends a few chapters later too!”

“Hm yes and with this we have reached chapter 61. I think that is a fair point of stopping. I do not think I can suffer this ones idiocy any longer.”

“The other branch would have just been more of disphit going along with everything, so yeah.”

“What to say about this one? The chapters are too short, even the chapters that are longer then two to three paragraphs only barely reach the very tail end of what I would still deem acceptable.”

“And it’s basically just this fucker watching porn! Either on a screen or in real life.”

“In addition, I just do not like few branches that lead to nowhere. I believe one should not start a branch until there is at least a decent amount of content ready.”

“And make it clear when another author has added something, you fuck!”

“As far as the story goes, I do not think it is terrible. Sissy and Sci-fi is no exactly a well explored avenue.”

“I mean, Jerk did it. And better.”

“Yes, but there are not many authors that could compete with Jerk in terms of quality. This, I feel, is mostly an issue with rushing. Instead of publishing this massive amount of chapters in a short amount of time, the author should have spend some more time fleshing matters out.”

“Yawn, yeah, that.”

“Well, at least the puns are excellent.”

“Yes, very nice. Are we done?”

“Yes, Gina. I believe we see...eye to eye with this one.”