Take your time

You're in no hurry. Unless your villains start showing you some consideration in the future, there's gonna be a little more than material damage. Yes, you believe that this lair needs to be humbled.

You step very close to the massive doors and pull up your shirt, revealing a pair of melon-sized knockers.

Sophie: "Wakey wakey..."

You coo and gasp gently as you flick your gluestick-thick nipples, hardening them way past any materials concievable to humans. Then you lean forwards like a hooker into a car's window and draw both nips down the surface of the carbide. Heralded by detestable screeching, they leave behind wide furrows into the alledgedly solid metal.

Sophie: "Ooohhh... not so tough now, are you?"

The industrial-strength alloy groans and squeaks helplessly under your superpowered body. Your nipples gouge holes and lines onto it like ink on canvas, and your boobs leave large areas indented and hollowed out. Licking it feels no tougher than slathering your tongue over a half-molten sundae.

After a brisk 20-minute session of utterly devastating your chosen target, you fly out to admire your work: a 50-foot tall self-portait!

Sophie: "Hah. 'Title: Artist's self portrait. Medium: Front door of an incompetent villain. The work represents the futility of utilizing hardware to prevent heroic incursions.' If the villains can see me, then they must be shaking out of their pants right now. I-"

Just then you think to focus your super hearing inside of the lair. There are no sounds at all. No breach alarms, no henchmen running around panickingly. It's like there's nobody there.

Sophie: "Weird... Let's take a looksie."

Finally, you tear a hole through the door and enter. Very obviously this is a villain's lair: the walls are paved with maps and diagrams that indicate plots for world domination. Guns and visored black fullbody suits with devious insignia line the walls. But nobody's present.

Sophie: "The fuck?"

After scouring through a few rooms, you find a broken portal-like machine that must be a teleporter. There's a note attached on the rim saying: "Sorry bubs but a girl's gotta run. Thanks for being an idiot! - XXX"

Sophie: "GODDAM-"

Mission failed. Looks like you've found an arch enemy, though.

ENDING 34 -The Ruse-