Sumnabitch, scourge of the erotic wastelands.

You were Hiro. The infamous driver of the renowned Sumnabitch Truck-kun, who accidentally mowed down more pedestrians than a herd of stampeding wildebeests. The guilt weighed on you like a ton of bricks—well, more like a ton of squished pedestrians. You’d squashed old ladies, young children, and even the occasional heroic firefighter. But mostly overworked Japanese computer programmers that work to **** and heroically push aside a young child and in their dying breath you asked your best friend to delete your stash of porn. It was a tragic ballet of carnage, and you were the lead dancer.

But fate had a wicked sense of humor. One day, a colossal eighteen-wheeler blindsided your truck out of nowhere! Your last thought before the darkness claimed you was, “Well, at least I won’t have to pay for the damages.”

Except, instead of oblivion, you found yourself in limbo—a place where the air smelled like freshly baked cookies and the walls were painted in pastel hues. And there, standing before you, was a goddess. She looked remarkably normal, except for the neon-pink hair and the oversized lollipop wand she twirled.

“Hey there,” she said, popping the lollipop into her mouth. “You’re Hiro, driver of Truck-kun, right? The one with the impressive pedestrian body count? Sumnobitch?

“Sumnubitchen.” You nodded, feeling oddly self-conscious. “Guilty as charged.”

The goddess grinned. “I’m Seraphina, Keeper of Souls. You’ve been doing me a solid, you know. All those souls you sent my way—they were supposed to have longer lives, but accidents happen. So, thanks for the business.”

You blinked. “Business?”

“Yep,” Seraphina said, leaning against a cloud. “I’m a goddess of reincarnation. See, I owe you a favor. You’ve been my unofficial courier service, and now it’s time to cash in. You’re getting a second chance.”

“A second chance?” You glanced around. Limbo wasn’t so bad, but you preferred a more exciting non afterlife life. “What’s the catch?”

“You’re being reincarnated,” Seraphina said. “In a world that’s part Mad Max, part Hogwarts, and entirely post-apocalyptic. Magic roams the wastelands, and mutant muscle cars rule the highways. Oh, and you get to keep your trusty truck. With upgrades of course!”

“But why?” you asked. “Why me?”

Seraphina shrugged. “Karma, I guess. Plus, I’ve always wanted to see a truck drifting through a magical desert. It’s like on my personal bucket list.”

Before you could protest, she snapped her fingers, and you felt the ground shift beneath your feet. Reality twisted, and suddenly, you were hurtling through a vortex of colors. When the chaos settled, you found yourself standing next to your beloved truck, now adorned with runes and glowing exhaust pipes.

-Welcome to the Wasteland- your status screen read. -You’re now Princess Hikari, the Truck Mage. Your mission: Save this world from chaos, find the lost Engine Crystals, and—

“—wait,” you interrupted looking down at your new body. You were a woman!? “Princess? I was hoping for a cool warrior name, like Skid Marx - socialist smear - or Nitro Nomad.”

-Fine, Princess Nitro Nomad it is. Now go forth gender-swapped hero! Drive your truck, cast spells, and remember: don’t run over any more pedestrians. They’re in short supply here.-

And so, you revved the engine, flames erupting from the exhaust. As Princess Nitro Nomad, you sped across the desolate landscape, your truck’s tires leaving trails of magic in their wake.

And hey, being a princess wasn’t so bad. At least the tiara matched your truck’s flames. -Running low on Engine Crystals- your status screen warns.