Subtly Chic

As you walk into your apartment, exhausted from another long shift at the office, your mind still buzzing with lines of code and neural nets, you spot a package at the door addressed to you. Curious, you open it up. Inside is a letter: "Congratulations for the UR NU Monthly Shampoo Subscription Service. Each month you will receive a month’s supply of UR NU Shampoo. This month enjoy our UR NU Subtly Chic Brand. Please let us know what you think. Thanks, UR NU Team" You excitedly go shower and wash your hair with the new shampoo, knowing how awesome last month's formula was. The scent seems much less noticeable and manly this time around. You wash up and head to bed, eager to put the day behind you. The next morning, you wake up but don't notice anything different about your hair. Throughout the day, you don't really get any compliments from anyone and generally feel a normal, average level of confidence. That evening, while washing your hair in the shower, you use the shampoo to help take care of some pent-up "business", fantasizing about the wild month of sex that awaits you. You drift off to sleep, having erotic dreams where women make odd comments about your rather lackluster sense of style and modestly-sized manhood. When you wake, you discover that all of your body hair has regrown and the hair on your head has transformed into a fiery strawberry blonde hue. That afternoon, you run into a hot blonde you met briefly early last month at a coffee shop. Working up the nerve to talk to her, you manage to land a date for Saturday night. Each time you use the shampoo, your confidence seems to shrink a little more - and so does your hair color, transitioning from blonde to bright ginger. On Saturday, you go on your date and things are...fine. At her place later, she suggests moving things to the bedroom. The sex, however, is lackluster and quick for both of you. She doesn't even cum, and you barely last more than a minute before finishing in a whimper. In the afterglow, you can't help but wonder if you're capable of truly satisfying a woman with your less-than-impressive equipment. The thought haunts your dreams that night, as the shampoo seems to whisper to you. Determined to prove yourself, you take to the dating apps and start lining up date after date. But regardless of your conquests - a hot, big-titted 40-something redhead named Suzan, a small-breasted 25 year old Asian girl named Kim, a busty Latina - each time the sex is a letdown as they mock your continuously shrinking package. Suzan snickers that it's the smallest she's seen since her teens. Kim wonders aloud if white guys are really that poorly endowed compared to Asian men. As the month comes to a close and you've failed to give any of them a penetration-based orgasm, you wash up one last time, staring at your reflection in the mirror. Not only is your hair a vibrant fire engine red now, but you look so different, more meek and unsure of yourself. The shampoo almost seems to laugh as you try desperately to will your dicklet to grow back to its former size. Filling with shame at your inadequacies, you message the UR NU team, begging them for help and a better formula. They simply respond: "UR NU is all about natural confidence. Don't be afraid of your true self. Thanks for the feedback!"