She Gets It Out Of Me

"I'd like that," I smile, "I'd really like that."

Being her friend, that is. Being close to someone. No, scratch that.

Being close to her.

Because I'd had friends before but Rachel was different. I mean I'd had Eddie before, but Rachel was different.

Outgoing and charming and keen for the spotlight. Positive and optimistic and quick-witted in a manner that didn't necessitate putting other people down.

Rachel was happiness personified and she was delight given form. She was brightness and happiness and I'm sure she had her dark side, I wasn't about to paint a picture of perfection for her, but I knew that embracing her as a friend meant embracing a new perspective for myself.

Meant realizing that maybe I didn't need to be quite so down in the dumps all the time.

"So friends then," she says, "And well on our way to being besties and that sounds fantastic to me. That means you're with me today, kid. On our tour of campus clubs!"

She made it sound so grand that I was almost excited about it, even if I knew full well what I was about to walk into and just how much I shouldn't get my hopes up here.

There was nothing wrong, on the surface, with campus clubs. Hell, there were even a few that I might have been interested in myself given the right circumstances and inclinations.

But the whole endeavor had a **** tint to it, with each little booth feeling like it was hawking their wares and trying to get you to choose them above all the others. And this kind of awkwardness to it all as you wandered through the aisles doing your best not to make eye contact with people lest you be drawn in and signed up to something you'd never choose in the first place.

No, today was not going to be a pleasant experience. But hey at least I'd have a friend who would be able to find some bright spot in it and that was something. Something to look forward to.

"Try not to look quite so much like you're heading to the gallows," Rachel quipped next to me, "I mean it's just wandering around for an hour. What's the worst that could happen?"

I laughed, "I suppose that's true enough."

"There's a smile!" she beams at me, "That's what I'm looking for. I don't want to be all 'you're so pretty when you smile, you should smile more often' to you even if it is the truth. But you do look good when you smile. Brightens you up a bit. Gets you a little closer to when I saw you."

"When you saw me?" I ask her.

"Yeah," she says, "Today. Just outside of this bathroom. You were all wandering around like you had your head in the clouds and it was only a moment but there was this look on your face that I couldn't quite place. Almost like wistfulness or neediness but not in a bad way? I don't know. There was a brightness to you and when it faded I was worried a bit that it was me that made it slip away."

"Oh no," I reassure her quickly, turning to look at her as my eyes open wide and I try for all the sincerity I can muster up, "You didn't darken my day. Don't worry."

"So what was it then?" she asks.

"What made it slip away?" I reply.

She shakes her head, "No. No, I don't need the answer to that. I know what made it slip away. I know that time has an effect on that and when you're put on the backfoot it can make you forget and being surprised can bring other emotions to the surface and all that. I know what made it fade, but what I don't know is what put it there in the first place."

"I don't know what you're asking," I say, cautious and relatively certain that I do.

"I mean: what had you looking all dreamy? Because I've seen that look before on people and I know about a handful of things that can make a girl look like that and if I had to bet, well I'd bet on one standing out above all the others."

I shook my head, "I'm not sure-"

"We're friends right?" she asks.

I nod, "Yeah."

"So spill it, girl," she smiles, wicked and enticing in equal measures, "What's his name?"

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