Scheduling Error.

There should be some way to make a weapon out of obstructive bureaucracy. Just dump a bunch of paperwork before your opponent, and watch their soul bleed out.

No. Even by my standards that's not a very practical idea. I'd only ever be able to use it once before that thing would get banned by the Geneva Convention.

But come on! Am I supposed to believe someone goes about and actually read all that stuff? From every match? Clearly it's just some kind of not-so subtle ****.
Maybe Office Boy simply gets off of it or something. I mean, that guy's gotta get off of something, right?
Right?

Geez... Why am I the only one this bothered by this kinda thing? Take Katey for example. She won her second match too. The cow-girl, or maybe girl-cow, tripped on Katey's halo after it was knocked off her head. Just when she was going to filet the angel girl with her ax.
Now, Katey no doubt went through the same paperwork as I did, but did she let that bother her any? No! It's almost as if she's more bothered about the fact she almost found out whether she can reproduce by mitosis!

And... Yeah. She still was gonna face off against Hebi-san tomorrow. Gotta admire her moxxy at least, but is moxxy alone gonna save her from that Snake-girl's domination?
I mean... Maybe? Stranger things have happened. It could be that hypnosis can't change the minds of those who won't change their minds?
Who knows? But you wanna know what does work?
Not showing up at all!
That's right! You can't hypnotize what's not there!

10:30 AM

"S'cuse me! Pardon! Coming through! Toot! Move your butt away! Hey!" I shuffled myself alongside the crowded bleechers, holding on to my hot dog, popcorn box and soda cup for the love of my life. Finally I sat myself down at my reserved spot when I found it.
This time I actually managed to score myself a seat at the front rows! Right next to the Fake Assassin.
"Popcorn?" I offered him.
He simply shook his head and hushed me.
"All right, all right. Man! These are great seats! Who did you have to kill to come over your spot? I think mine was named Jimmy!"
"Sssssssh..."
"Okay okay. Just saying. I've got a feeling that maaaaybe these seats are wasted for this match. I mean, not to brag or anything, but I just so happen to know one of the contestants. The one called Uni? The Unicorn gal?"
"Good. Fine. Now please be quiet."
"Geez... No need to snap back at me! Not like I was the one who made your front-row seat useless. Oh wait... Yes, it was! Yeah... I maaaay have been the one who convinced Uni to drop out of the Tournament. Oops."
The Fake-Assassin glared back at me.
"Nothing personal, you know? Just looking out for my gal pals, that's all. It's gonna be a cold day in hell when I let that front-tail of hers anywhere near my friends."
The Fake Assassin groaned, "...Just keep it down."
"All right. All right."

So, yeah. Turns out that Uni could actually see reason. She might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, or the toughest, but she's got a big heart. She understood that if she does reckless and impulsive stuff all the time, that'll just make her friends worry about her.
Sure, this might be her one shot at fame and fortune. But it's hardly gonna be worth it, if she inevitably ends up a mindless ****.

From that up close I could smell the smoke surrounding the Arena as it lifted. It smelled like carrots.
Already the snake lady could be seen, her front-tail protruding from under the panties fashioned from belts strapped around her pelvis.
Ben's voice echoed through the arena, "Ladies and gentlemen! I have an announcement to make. We were expecting Uni the Unicorn to show up for the match scheduled right now..."
Oh yeah! That's one thing that's been going right today!
"...And so she has!"

The pearly white hair and fur of the unicorn centaur glimmered as she emerged from the smoke.
I bounced from the chair, "WHAT?!"
"Sssssh!"
"No! You don't understand!" I shrieked, pointing at the Arena, "She was gonna skip this fight! That's what she told me!"

"She will now be facing off against the magnificent Snake-Charmer Hebi-san!" Ben continued.

I clutched my head, running my fingers through the length of my hair, "No! No, no! This doesn't make sense at all! Why would she do this? She knows what she's up against! She knows what's at stake! What on Earth would possess her to go through with this? What is she thinking?"
The Fake Assassin groaned. At that point he must have realized I wasn't going to calm down and shut up until I had some kind of clarity over the situation, "She wouldn't have a choice if she was a Lucky Loser."
"WHAT!?"
"SSSSSSSHH!"

I slumped back into my seat dumbfounded.
Oh....
Oh no.
No no no no!
That made way too much sense.
Uni wasn't a fighter! There's no way she would've made it past the qualifiers! Why would I think she had? She was a Lucky Loser. Obviously!
It's not that I didn't convince her that she should skip the match. She didn't have a choice!

But... Why wouldn't she tell me the truth? Why lie to me? To her friend? If I had known, then...
...Then I'd come up with some hair-brained scheme to get her out of the Tournament anyhow.
...Boy. This just makes more sense the more I think about it.

Uni...

"Fight!"

...So, that just happened.
Sheesh. Looks like now there's nothing left to do but cheer her on! That's what I should've done that to begin with. My friends need me to have faith in me. They deserve for me to believe in them!
What? You think I'm gonna keep mommying her around cause she's in trouble? No! If this is what she's gotta do, then there's nothing left except doing it!
She has nothing to be afraid of!

"Uni!" I stood up and shouted, "That slimey snake's got nothing on you! You've got this! You got it wrapped up with a tidy bow on top! Give her hell! "
The uni-taur rushed forward with relentless fury!

Maybe this will work...
I mean, was Snake Lady supposed to bark out her orders against that locomotive while rampaging towards her? Was she supposed to look her in the eyes when her feet was what's coming crashing towards her?

The tip of the horn pointed straight at the Snake Girl's throat! Uni lunged towards her...
And the Snake Lady disappeared.

"Why hello there~! My little thrall~"
SHE WAS ON UNI'S BACK!
That snake actually mounted my friend!
Like a horse! Just cause she's got a horseback!

Poor Uni jumped and kicked and thrashed around. As long as Hebi stayed mounted, there was no way for the unicorn to reach her with her horn.
"AHHH!" Uni shrieked, turning around, "EHHHH! GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! UAAAAHH!"
Alas, there was no use. Hebi's front-tail wound around the horse-like abdomen. She wasn't going anywhere. And that suited the Snake Lady just fine.
Locking her arms around the shapely upper body of the centaur, the Snake Lady pressed her bosom against her back. She rubbed herself sensually against Uni's skin, her reptilian hand reaching into Uni's robes. Her fingers traced the curve of the unicorn's breast, slowing down to play with her nipple. Closing her head against Uni's, Hebi-san's forked tongue reached out from between her lips, tickling the back of her ear.
"YYYYYUAUAUAUAWWWWHH!"
...That sound is way too familiar. If it meant the same thing when it comes from girls as it does from guys, then Uni was in big trouble!

It didn't take long before her knees failed, and her heavy equine body slammed against the ground. The Snake Lady had jumped off right before impact, rolling safe and sound in the sand.
I winced back, the tips of my hands covering my mouth. At that point I found my jaws hurting from clenching my teeth so hard.
The unicorn desperately scrambled to get back on her hooves. Her anatomy clearly disagreed with this position though.
A playful yet cruel grin donned Hebi-san's face. Sauntering towards her prey, her hips swayed with each step.
"No! No, no! Stop! Get away from me!" Uni yelled, but to no avail. Kicking her feet as if galloping in the air only amounted to spraying sand into heaps in front of her.

"Oh, what an inthetchant little thrall~" She coiled her front-tail around Uni's neck, holding her in place and making her look into the depth of her reptillian eyes, "Tho mutchh will~ Tho mutch want~ And yet, you will realithe now you belong with your Queen~ That you belong at her feet~ Do not rethitht your Queen any longer~ Thubmit to her~ Let go of any illuthion of dethire... Beyond pleathing her~"
From my front row seat I could see Uni's eyes turn empty of fear, anger and defiance.
"Yes... My Queen... I surrender..."

"No!" I slumped back into my seat, "No..."

"Uni the Unicorn has surrendered! The winner is Snake-Charmer Hebi-san!"
I could hardly even register when the audience around me boomed in a thunderous cheer. My surroundings melted away, until I was left completely on my own. My only company was the dreadful realization that one of my friends had been enslaved.
Why didnt' she let me help her? I would've done anything to keep this from happening.
Anything but this.

I buried my face in my palms.
The Fake Assassin rose from his seat, patting me on my shoulder as he passed, "I'm terribly sorry. Your friend fought bravely."
Then he left.

The crowd shifted away as they made themselves ready for the next fight. I just stayed in my seat, staring at the empty arena until I was completely alone.
The first fight of the D-bracket was about to begin. But I didn't care.
I didn't care about anything.