Sam (♀) and Sam (♂) read "Subjugation Tournament" by Gambio: A New Hope

The rain poured down from the heavens. It dripped from the trees. The lake rippled as the wind blew the rain across the surface. Above the lake, next to the very soggy remains of a campfire, was a three-season tent. It was a pink tent, because it had been on deep discount. Within the tent, two freezing, naked alternate selves, soaked to the skin, were sharing a sleeping bag and trying very hard not to think about that. Their backs were to each other, and Sam (♀) and Sam (♂) each had their own tablet.

"I'm amazed we have service out here," Sam (♀) said.

"Interdimensional wifi," Sam (♂) told her. "Now, when last we left off on Subjugation Tournament by Gambio, we had come to the end of one branch. But there were other branches. Deeper branches. And we are going to read one of those. Specifically, we are going to take the right fork at Chapter 36. Protagonist Mari Beta is competing in the tournament, collecting a harem of waifus, and one of them has been kidnapped to **** him to lose the next round. But Miss Justice has a plan..."

“That’s a downright braw plan, Beatrice!”, the spunky martial artist gushed. “Yer a bonnie canny lassie!”

"This was at a point where Gambio's approach to spelling and punctuation was a bit scattershot," Sam (♀) said. "I don't even mind the Scottishisms as much as the commas outside the parentheses. Anyway, the brave plan is to get other people to rescue the waifu."

Your slaves, Mr. Beta, are idiots.

"It is far more difficult to write a genius character than a merely average character, but writing a convincing idiot is almost as difficult," Sam (♂) noted.

That is three for three slaves for our vicious little assassin! Keep up the good work!

"Tournaments offer a natural framework for a story," Sam (♀) observed. "Which is somewhat undermined when you have no interest in the fights themselves, and handle most of them in a paragraph."

"Well, it's not like this is a fucking tournament where the first to orgasm loses," Sam (♂) said. "And good action is harder to write than half-decent sexytimes, judging by some of what we're read."

That was only two days ago. Huh. Feels like a lifetime.

"Time dilation in writing stories is real," Sam (♂) said.

Sam (♀) and Sam (♂) stared at their screens in silence.

"Honestly, I'm not even mad," Sam (♂) said. "A picture is worth a thousand words."

"Pity we get a thousand words after that, then," Sam (♀) quipped. "But it's fairly coherent, and not AI generated."

My perfectly reasonable objection to staying with the registered sex offender was shut down with the argument that the enemy might attack at night and it was better to stay together.

"In Gambio's stories, the sex is better if the boy is crying," Sam (♂) observed. "And possibly made to perform against his will."

"This isn't Mari Beta, though," Sam (♀) pointed out. "We switched POV characters at some point. Straight girl having a moment of bisexual panic, really."

"Oh. I probably should have known by the shift in tone," Sam (♂) said. "But it would be nice if POV character changes were made a bit more...explicit. Especially when we're dealing with first person, so every other paragraph starts with 'I.' Have a couple of characters use the protagonist's name every now and again. Give us more of a hint."

"They do say 'Lady Sylphid' a lot, but because it's first person, it's easy to miss that they're talking about here instead of, you know, addressing here," Sam (♀) said. "Either that or we're way more tired doing the re-reading for the recap than we thought. Anyway, choice time: are we going to do the side story?"

Sam (♂) cheated and looked at the story index. "Sure, what the hell, it's only one chapter."

“HOLY FUCK!”

"Do Valkyries count as holy or unholy?" Sam (♀) asked.

"Depends. Are we Catholic?" Sam (♂) said.

"After that last review, pretty sure neither of us is seeing heaven," Sam (♀) said.

"Well, pray you die in glorious battle and Valkyrie takes you to Valhalla, where souls of dead vikings will probably dress you like a maid and bend you over a table for all eternity," Sam (♂) said. He thought about it. "Actually, Maid Boy Valhalla sounds like a concept that Gambio would come up with. Die as a sissy and be **** into an eternal afterlife of humiliation and subjugation to dominant women."

"Speculations aside, this wasn't a bad action chapter. I mean, it was entirely an excuse for a girl-on-girl spanking scene, but at least Gambio took their time to try and make the action interesting," Sam (♀) said. "And now, back to the main branch."

A quick but nourishing breakfast followed before it was time to prepare for my match.

"Wheaties, breakfast of champions?" Sam (♂) wondered.

"Should be eating a bag of dicks," Sam (♀) said. "I think we're back to Mari Beta as POV character. Is it wrong that I care more about what he's eating for breakfast than the tournament shenanigans?"

"It's a very kitchen sink fantasy world," Sam (♂) said. "Wouldn't be surprised if he had a big bowl of Assassin-O's, and the surprise was the antidote."

the final gaggle of goons

"Gaggle of geese," Sam (♀) said. "What's the plural of goons?"

"A mafia," Sam (♂) quipped. "You know all that shit was made up by some random woman, right? This would be easier to track if Gambio put the POV character name in the title of the chapter. Like: Sylphid: Confronting Ojou-Sama."

I am willing to dishonor myself as much as is required

" . . . " the Sams went.

"In other circumstances," Sam (♂) admitted. "I would very much like to see a character dishonor herself to save her mistress."

"Ditto," Sam (♀) replied.

Back to the guy who is kinda the actual protagonist

"See? Relevant chapter titles! Indicate who the POV character is! Not so fucking hard!" Sam (♂) said.

These fucking, insane bitches.

"You could drop this line into any Gambio story, hell almost any chapter, and no one would blink," Sam (♀) said. "I think it's just part of their style."

Look’ like our princess has finally awoken from her beauty sleep

"Harem Hotel idea," Sam (♂) said. "The harem-keeper is Sleeping Beauty, and the contestants have to find out how to become her One True Love to wake her up. And they're all straight, they have to learn to be lesbians."

"That sounds sexist and also probably not enough transformations to satisfy that crowd," Sam (♀) said. "Anyway, back to this story, Gambio has carried Mari Beta on to the finals, and he has an already vast harem, except for the one (Sanakia) who accidentally killed herself? Which makes me sad."

"She was never going to give Beta a wingjob," Sam (♂) said. He knew her too well.

“Losing one arm means nothing to my Lord!”

"Tis but a scratch!" the Sams shouted together.

I punched him.

"Kick him in the balls!" Sam (♀) said.

"I will admit, on rare occasion, Gambio actually manages to write a character doing the correct thing for the correct reason and it is very satisfying," Sam (♂) said.

Maybe I should ask one of the girls?

"Not saying we need one of those every chapter, but it would help keep characters straight," Sam (♀) mused.

I...did not expect the fight to go in that direction.

"Tactical error," Sam (♂) said. "But isn't it nice when Gambio focuses on a match at some length?"

“Iamterriblysorrypleaseforgiveme!”

"Never let your power as mystical **** owner go to your head, I guess," Sam (♀) said. "Or you turn into an anime protagonist."

I also decided that “properly dressed” meant completely and utterly naked for Cassandra and Beatrice.

"Has Gambio ever done an ENF story?" Sam (♂) said.

"I think that might be a little too vanilla for their tastes," Sam (♀) replied. "Like, it's good for a chapter, but I doubt Gambio would spend several chapters describing the naked bodies, the embarrassment, the shame, the arousal, the moments of trying to hide and the moments of discovery, the insults, the jeers, the quietly intense people who drink in the sight of their exposed, unprotected bodies..."

"They do tend to like their drama with a dash of zaniness," Sam (♂) acknowledged. "Anyway, that's twenty chapters, and there's a lot more to go. So we'll pick this up...next time."

Rain fell. Animals stayed in their burrows, dry and warm. Two naked Sams felt the heat begin to increase in their pink tent. They were already warm and wet...and things were only going to get warmer and wetter from here.