Roxanne the Punk Princess (ENF), by Nathaniel Keam

“Marcie, what the fuck!”

“What is it, Gina?”

“Why are there suddenly so many submissions! Were did these gnats all crawl out from?”

“I have no idea, Gina. But I am quite glad we are finally properly back.”

“Well, I sure as fuck am not! What the hell! Fuck off, you fucks!”

“Gina please. Even Ted has posted a submission. You like Ted.”

“Oh, are we reading the pirate story?”

“Not today.”

“UUUUGGGGHHH!!!”

“But you might enjoy this one too. We are reading Roxanne the Punk Princess (ENF), by Nathaniel Keam.”

“A Punk Princess? Eh, I’m more into rock.”

“I do not think it is music related, Gina. This is a Home Alone inspired story.”

“Waaaaait.”

“Yes?”

“This turbonerd watched Home Alone and thought fuck yeah, that’s hot?”

“...maybe?”

“Alright fine, I’m giving this a try.”

“Very generous of you, Gina. Let us start then.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

Roxanne was never physically strong, but what she lacked in muscle, she made it up by being much smarter than practically everyone who came through her doors. Plus, she’s always got the advantage of preparation. She’s arrogant and a little crazy like any good genius should be.

“So, this is basically Allison at home.”

“Don’t speak her name in vain, Gina, lest she shows up.”

“Crap, you got a point. Anyways, this is a story about some punk princess who likes to humiliate the shit out of her babysitters. Weird hobby, but ok.”

“A bit of a curious choice to call her the punk princess when she is really more of a mad scientist.”

“We get a bunch of choices right off the bat. And that means we get to choose the girl who ends up getting stripped by the psycho bitch.”

“Well, yeah...technically but…”

“Ugh, what now Marcie?”

“While we do have a bunch of choices. This story actually goes in chronological order. And I mislike not starting at the beginning of a story. It is like watching A new hope before **** of the Sith.”

“Fine, we start with Katie, as long as it gets you to shut up.”

“Looks like Mr. Burn’s mansion from the Simpsons,” Katie muttered to herself.

“One day, Gina, I will own a mansion like this.”

“Ok, Marcie.”

“It will have peacocks.”

“Ok.”

“...you can be Smithers.”

“GET ON WITH IT!”

“Our deuteragonist of the story is a girl named Katie, who’s most striking quality is that she is completely average.”

“Guess you have to start with the most basic bitch, because we just haaad to start from the beginning. Literally every other girl sounded more interesting!”

“The author employs AI generated images for portraits and I must admit, they don’t look completely awful.”

“I don’t know Marcie, she looks like a hipster. I hate hipsters.”

“Yes, but you hate many things, Gina.”

She pulled at the door and saw a glimpse of a spotless, gleaming white kitchen. But she didn’t get a chance to see it for long as a bulky punching bag piece of leather came flying up from the floor, clocking her in the jaw.

Katie moved out of the kitchen, and her sneakers instantly caught the extended threshold. She screamed as she tumbled down the four steps leading onto the garage floor. The **** of the fall made her roll forward a few feet, leaving her crumpled in a heap.

“Ok, that’s hilarious, but this bitch seems to be more interested in injuring Katie then stripping her.”

“The Home Alone influence is very obvious. Also, I do have to point out: Falling down four steps on what I assume is concrete is no joke. This could lead to some serious injury.”

“Eh, stop being such a stick in the mud, Marcie.”

But this slapstick comedy was only her entrée. It amused her, but this wasn’t why she was here. She was here to embarrass Katie. The whole point of these harmless pranks was to keep her victims off-guard. No, what really turned her on was seeing some skin. Not her own, of course, never. She was a voyeur, not an exhibitionist.

“Harmless? These contraptions are deathtraps! How would this keep anyone off guard? The fact that Katie is not calling the police immediately makes it rather hard for me to suspend my sense of disbelief.”

“Marcie you literally have hundreds of people locked up in a private prison you carved out of a hollow mountain. You have no right to complain about a lack of police.”

“That “prison” is the Pasdenom College special rehabilitation dormitory, Gina. And perfectly realistic.”

“Whatever, so the first few chapters are just about Roxy fucking with Katie and I don’t mean in a sexy way. The chapters are also very short, which makes the whole thing really obnoxious to go through.”

“Let me go, you fucking bitch. You’re going to ruin my coat.”

“You swore again. That means you have to be punished.”

“God damn it, my coat.”

“Don’t worry about your coat.”

“Did the author suddenly forget that exclamation marks are a thing? He used them before, so this is particularly jarring.”

“Roxie uses a drone(yes really) to steal Katie’s coat and puts it on top of a giant bookshelf. Katie really wants this coat so she climbs upwards, but Roxanne is some kinda fucking gremlin that crawls through the vents or some shit because she awaits Katie at the top of the bookshelf.”

“Fucking hell, Roxanne, I’m going to hurt myself. Help me.”

“Just how absurdly high is that bookshelf that she is in fear of hurting herself while dangling from the top of it?”

“Don’t all rich people have comically large bookshelf's, Marcie?”

“To be honest, I always found that rather pretentious, Gina.”

Then she heard heavy boots from her left. She got her head up in time to see Roxanne running toward her in her helpless state. A glint of something metallic in her hand caught the light as she moved from shadow to light.

“Holy fuck, that’s actually scary! Never mind Home Alone, this is the premise of a horror movie!”

“Roxanne does somewhat resemble that one mohawk gremlin. Ah, a pity we already used that BGM.”

Katie’s mouth gaped open. The stylish teen had now been stripped down to a matching pair of powder blue bra and panties by the kid she was supposed to be babysitting.

She wondered whether to cry, but she was frozen in shock. Here she was, sitting on the ground in her socks and underwear, having been embarrassed multiple times in less than an hour.

Her mind raced. She had to think of a new plan. She had to try a different approach, or… she wouldn’t think about that.

“This is what counts as a chapter for this absolute dweeb, like what the fuck? Write more, you indolent sloth!”

“Oh, nice one, Gina.”

“Why thank you, Marcie. I am endeavoring to brush up on my verbiage.”

“In the end, Roxanne manages to handcuff Katie to a stairway railing and...oh my.”

“Holy fuck, Marcie. Is this actually hot?”

“I am as confused as you are, Gina. But yes, that scene were Katie is at Roxanna’s mercy is admittedly pretty erotic.”

“Fuck, after all that non-erotic trash we had to wade through I forgot how this feels.”

Like the rest, she turned toward the front door and closed it behind her. A woman of her word, Roxanne, dropped Katie’s hat out of the window.

She never said how many of her clothes she’d give back, after all.

“Well, yes, but her words were, and I quote, “I’ll give you your clothes” As in plural. I don’t think that excuse will hold up in court.”

“Oh, shut up, Marcie.”

“And this is were the Katie saga comes to a close. There is a loop back to the next saga, but doing so is somewhat against the rules, so I believe this is a good stopping point.”

“Marcie?”

“Yes, Gina?”

“This wasn’t shit.”

“Oh my, that is high praise coming from you, Gina.”

“Fuck off. I read much better stuff. It barely qualifies as being slightly above mediocre. That’s it.”

“It is a decently written ENF story with somewhat lower stakes, which I can appreciate. Roxanne, despite the spoiled brat she is, isn’t a complete monster. She wants to humiliate her victims, not mentally scar them for life.”

“She does want to physically scar them though. Given the amount of murderous traps.”

“Hm...yes. This one is a bit strange. There is some focus on ****, but not enough that I think the author gets off on it.”

“Uhh...wouldn’t it be weird, if he would get off on it, Marcie?”

“Well, I find the absence of sexual undertones much weirder. I don’t think these scenes of Katie getting punched in the face or stepping on Lego’s are intended as erotic. Isn’t that weird?”

“No, you mentally defective lunatic!”

“Well, anyways. I take it this made you wetter then the wet bandits?”

“Refer to my last statement.”

“I mean, did you masturbate to it?”

“Hmmmmmrrrggglll...”

“That is a yes, I take?”

“Let me be very clear. I only did so to the last scene. And I only did so because it has been too long since I got to read some decent female domination. There’s just something very sexy about Katie being **** to kiss Roxanne’s boot’s while naked. I have to remember that for engin!”

“hmm...I am afraid my tastes are a tad more sophisticated, Gina. The scene was simply too short. The author should have dragged out that final humiliation for longer. Make Katie really earn her freedom.”

“Or, maybe Marcie, that’s because the author wants to escalate this with the other girls? Which we aren’t reading? Have you thought about that?”

“Perhaps. But there is also a bit of an issue with Roxanne. Do we really want to see her win? She is a spoiled, rich girl who bullies others.”

“I mean, nobody wanted to see you win, Marcie. And yet here we are.”

“But then again, I will concede that this is more then likely just the setup. The fact that Roxanne will eventually get her comeuppance was heavily teased.”

“Which we aren’t reading.”

“Oh well, we can always return to this one. After all there are many Home Alone Movies. Actually, were you aware that Home Alone 2 starred former president...”

“SHUT UP!”