Putting Myself Out There A Little Bit More

The fair was bright and bustling, the sun overhead so strong that it was on the bleeding edge of opressive and too much but at the same time it was lovely, though maybe that had more to do with the fact that I was definitely dressed for the occassion.

But the bag I was carrying was working against me. The heavy books from the library were weighing me down and it was making me stop every once and awhile to adjust for it, to compensate.

Rachel had no baggage with her, both literally and seemingly figuratively. She was bouncing right along beside me, making her way without a care in the world and with her arm loped into mine it had the effect of her dragging me along beside her as I struggled to keep up.

"So I've got plans," she said to me, "Scouted out ahead of time before I had that fortunate run in with you in the bathroom. But the point is I know at least a few stops that I'd like to make and a few clubs I'm going to sign up for but you? What are we going to do about you?"

That sounded ominous to me and my eyes widened, a thousand and one ideas running through my head of exactly what she meant by that.

"I mean ideally we'd stick together. I don't know if you've figured this out yet but I think you've got real potential sweet cheeks, so I'd love to tag you along and make you my own little personal pet project.

"At the same time I think a part of spreading your wings and learning to fly is making choices for yourself so I guess I'll let you make some decisions for yourself. So what are you thinking? Which way are you leaning?"

I shrugged. Truly I didn't know.

The last time I'd been to the fair I'd been strong armed into signing up for a few options by boy-Kim who had caught me and tried to do just what Rachel was doing. Well maybe not exactly what Rachel was doing but still the point stands.

Signing up was almost mandatory but following through was something else. When the clubs had reached out to me I hadn't followed through on a single invitation.

And I guess the same choice could be made right now, but that was hardly in the spirit of things. I couldn't draw a line between forgoing this experience and winding up where I was in the end, in the unsatisfying life that I'd lived. But I couldn't not draw that line either.

So maybe, just maybe, I should try something else. Maybe I should put myself out there.

Maybe I should take a chance.

"I'm really not leaning in any direction," I said, shrugging again, "I mean it's all a little overwhelming to me. How did you choose?"

Rachel laughs, a sound that is high and light and bemused. It's like the tinkling of wind chimes and it is entirely without malice and I'm not used to that. Normally I'm the butt of the joke, but with her it's clearly just a friendly affectation.

"I went with my natural interests," she explained, "Just picked out the things that I liked, that I was interested in. Hobbies I had back before college and new experiences I'd like to try out. Plus things that I figured were probably good for my future, you know? Get yourself out there and make connections.

"I had a really good guidance counsellor back in my town and she had really good advice for me and basically she told me something and I think it's probably true. I've got no reason to doubt her, at least.

"And what she said was college isn't like the school that came before it. Up until now it's been all about learning facts and memorizing and repetition. The tests and everything, it's all about proving that you were paying attention.

"But college is about learning how to think and learning the kind of skills that really make you well rounded in life. It's about learning how to think and learning how to learn as much as anything else, especially if you're not getting a practical degree like math or some crap like that.

"And beyond that college is about making connections, it's about finding like minded people. It's about making friends for life who will help bring you up and who will motivate you to be better."

She bumped shoulders with me affectionately.

"I'd like to be that for you and I'd like you to be that for me, but also I think we both ought to go ahead and try to find more people. Get our own little group. Find friends who will stick with us through thick and thin.

"So I guess right now the only thing I'm wondering is what type of woman you'd like to be. And what people you need to have around you to get you there."

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