Janet's reflection

Getting out of the cold shower Janet felt a little better physically, the blast of cold water sure as hell took her mind off the idea of sex for the duration at least. Wrapping a towel around her hair she looked into the mirror at her dripping body. Jordan had just rejected her and Jordan said it was because of commitment, but that did not sound like the Jordan she knew. Her hands, one of the few things dry on her, rested on the counter as she examined her body, her face as she wondered why it happened. This was a man who once slept with any girl that would have him. A drunk girl from the bar, some groupie, someone he shared his weed or pill with, anyone with low enough self esteem to put up with him, like her…

Janet thought back to the first day she had met Jordan. It was the first time she was out on her own, school was tough and she wanted to take a break, but her parents never being ones to accept anything that could look like failure would not hear of it. They once grounded her for a week because she got a B in a class, saying “Getting a B is like getting a silver medal. It reminds you that you failed.” For once in her life she went against their wishes and dropped out of college, got a few roommates and moved out. The later part being because they insisted she make it on her own if she wanted to defy them. So she got a job through a temp agency as a receptionist. The job was not difficult, though one of her bosses would tell her to smile, she is the face of the area and needs to set the mood, or to wear higher heels because everyone loves to see a dame in heels. She hated that old coot, but she complied, she needed the job. The one thing she could say about him was that he never tried to touch her. It seemed like every time a package came in or had to go out it was Jordan who showed up near her desk. She could remember him sitting in one of the waiting chairs, brushing some of his hair that was just below his ears out of his eyes, saying. “I just have to make sure this gets out, do you mind if I wait up here with you?”

Over time they got talking about how they were going to be bigger than this, he was on the way already to being a rock star. It was when he invited her to a show that they first hooked up, and the first time Janet had ever done ****. It seemed like the more shows the band got the less Jordan would show up to his day job. He would call into work because he was hung over or skipping because he wanted to get in some extra practice and get high. He had even convinced her to skip a few days here and there to join him. It was at one of those practices she learned what some of the band mates really thought of him. Janet had been laying on an old beat up couch as Xander nursed the last of his beer, while everyone waited on Jordan to return with another case. When Xander finished what remained of his drink he moved with a cocky walk up to where she lay. She could easily picture the smirk on his face when he tried to pick her up. “Say if you want to ditch little Jordan and get with the real talent you just let me know.” Janet remembered getting angry at him and defending her then boyfriend, but her words didn’t matter. More than one of them laughed, not Xander though. He only shook his head like he had pity for her. “Jordan is great at buying hash, buying pills, his eager attitude to run out for us and he is okay on the keyboard. Did you know I had to teach him to read sheet music? What kind of dweeb plays the keyboard without learning how to read sheet music?” She recalled getting to her feet and being more angry at them and this man. He was looking down on her and Jordan, they didn’t need them, and she thought it was more impressive Jordan learned to play by ear, but the asshole in front of her only waved his hand in the air as if to brush away the words and said. “What does some junkie bitch know about music anyhow.”

When Jordan returned she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him outside to tell him what they said. She remembered Jordan biting his lip and looking to the ground, she saw how uncomfortable it made him, but then he laughed like it was no big deal. “Xander is just giving you a hard time, he does that to me all the time. It’s a joke, we all do it. Trust me I give as good as I get.” He didn’t see it, Jordan just couldn’t or wouldn’t believe his friends were really anything but that and when she insisted they leave he told her no. When she pushed harder, she wanted him to see, to protect him. But instead that night was the first time they broke up. After that point they got back together again and broke up again a few more times, the relationship never being what it once was. Sometimes Jordan would miss a date and she would find out he slept with some girl from a current job and he would say it wasn’t his fault. The list of excuses never ended, no matter what tragedy or mishap it was never Jordan’s fault. Though somewhere along the way Janet got to see, and spend time with Eric. That was a man… that was the man she wished she met first, but he had Rebecca. The pretty little sexy girl that she wished she could be like. Becky dressed and moved with a confidence she never thought she could have at the time. The four of them would talk sometimes, she liked it better when Becky was off at work or wherever and it was just the three of them, even if secretly she wished Jordan would go into his room to smoke up. The relationship was not real at that point and by the time Jordan got himself fired she knew that life was not going to get any better if things were left as they were.

Smoking up a few times a week became almost daily, she never got into the pills like Jordan, but they sure did make a bad day seem bearable. Slowly, she was able to help herself with therapy. Her parents never would have approved of sharing her inner thoughts and weaknesses with another like that, but it helped. It allowed her enough confidence to go back to school and eventually earn her CPA. The company where she landed when finishing up school was Mega Corp and the tuition reimbursement was it’s biggest selling point. She saw more than a few girls earn their keep on their knees, that wasn’t the way for her. Long hours to prove herself had earned her the position she had now. In the mirror Janet didn’t see the timid girl she was when she first met Jordan, she was proud of herself, she had even made up with her parents and she was confident… most of the time. Right now she felt her anxiety rising, and ugly. Jordan, Jodie had rejected her. Jordan who slept with every girl he had a chance with… Jodie who gave a blow job to her boss on the first day. She didn’t know if Jodie just preferred guys now, or if it was something all along and he lied to himself, she didn’t know if it was because she was trying to be loyal, but if that was the case why would she be sleeping with two men. All she really knew was that she felt like it was her, regardless if that was the truth or not.