Intermission: Girl Talk

Tomorrow she will regret it, Emma knows that. She will regret many things. The first thing - and maybe most - she'll regret drinking so much. Well, it was the idea of Carrie and she is almost never wrong, and Emma got into it. She will also regret putting the burden of looking after her on Carrie. Yes, she's enjoying it - at the moment Carrie is sitting next to her on the bed and holding her cub with honey and milk. But she doesn't deserve it. Carrie could always handle more than Emma. She always admired that about the future politician. She has already told her that and gets the answer that she always gets from the blonde, self-confident girl.

"Politicians who can't drink are prone to manipulation and cheating." Carrie smiles and holds the cup out to Emma. Yes, she will regret that Carrie has to spend the night with her and is not downstairs with Karen and Rachel, who are watching horror films with Maureen and the circle of friends of Millie. But Carrie seems to like doing her thing and so Emma allows her to spend the evening in bed with her. She wouldn't have much to say anyway and Carrie would nip any resistance in the bud. The honey milk tastes very tasty, but she can't drink much from it. It was definitely too much ****.

“What did you actually give me?” asks Emma, remembering her friend's cheeky smile.

"My special mix" grins Carrie and then becomes very friendly. "I'm sorry about it. I keep forgetting how little you can handle."

“Never mind,” says Emma and lies down on her side. She rests her head on her arm and looks at her friend with satisfaction. She wants to enjoy the time until her head bursts. Carrie pulls the covers over her body, but Emma kicks herself free again, giggling. Maybe she won't regret that Carrie is with her after all.

"Thank you for taking care of me," she may say a little too softly. The **** is on her mind and is messing her up a little. Or maybe a little more.

"It goes without saying," grins Carrie and drinks some milk from the mug.

"Hey this is mine," laughs Emma.

"Then get it," the blonde demands scornfully and lets the cup dance up and down in front of the face of the... yes, definitely drunken Emma. The dark-haired girl snaps it and takes a long sip. Then she realizes what Carrie was up to.

"You mean snake," she grins crookedly. "Hehe. You wanted that."

"That's right," admits Carrie evenly. “You can't be fooled. You're too intelligent.” She taps her friend's forehead with the mug and Emma wipes her face clumsily.

"Whatever. I'm not that intelligent."

"What?" Carrie is outraged. "Don't say that, honey. You are very intelligent."

"Yes you may be right" grins Emma. "Finn always says that too." Finn. Something else she'll blame herself for tomorrow. And this time it hurts her a little, because it doesn't affect only her and her childlike behavior. Finn likes that about her. And that she is so intelligent. If he tells her that, she'll believe it immediately. But would he approve of her behavior? Her face and mood darken a little. Emma should have supported him tonight. She does the same with Millie. So what went wrong? He was so sad when he talked to Emma. He didn't want to go at all. She really had to convince him. Finn. Emma grins with zeal and Carrie watches her. He is always worried about her. She loves him so much. Sometimes she doesn't know why she deserves it. Especially tonight, Emma Jackson finds it difficult to gauge how lucky she is with him. It is difficult for her because she misses him so much and makes it so difficult for him to follow his goal. Emma is not alone. She has other girls next to her. And she doesn't want to be the one who makes the situation so difficult for him. She has to do something about it. Emma becomes more determined. Yes, she will show Finn that she deserves it.

"You miss Finn, don't you?" Carrie asks and unintentionally brings Emma back to the darker thoughts. Love shouldn't be dark, but greed is. Yet, Finn is the love of her life and Emma Jackson cannot hide her feelings. Especially not when she's drunk and when Carrie is sitting next to her. Carrie. She is so good to Emma. Another case that she is so lucky. It must be very difficult for Carrie too. Finn recognized it. He is smart. And even though Carrie has feelings for her and even though Emma has rejected her, she is still there for her friend. Maybe Finn effects her too. There's something like that about him. Finn.

"Yes," Emma mumbles and looks at Carrie. She is a bit startled and raises her perfectly trimmed eyebrows.

“Is that something bad?” she asks in surprise.

“No!” Shouts Emma a little too loud. Yes, she is drunk. “So… yes… maybe."

“There's nothing wrong with missing your boyfriend,” Carrie says lightly and rubs her shoulder. “Especially when you've been together for such a short time and are about to be separated."

"Do you think so?" Emma things, but it is empty and dark in her head. The **** is having an effect. "Yes, you are right." She nods and looks at her friend. "I miss him. Really bad.” She pouts and Carrie hands her the mug of milk.

"Don't worry," she tries to comfort Emma. "Finn won't be mad at you because you don't obey him right away." She sounds a little pissed off at the words, but Emma can understand her. "He knows that you are an intelligent, beautiful and independent girl and that you also have your own head."

"Yes. I know he understands me.” Emma groans, romps around and looks at the ceiling. “He supports me in this too. Damn it. It's my fault."

"Weren't you listening to me?" Carrie wants to know.

“No, it is not that. He wants everything for me, whatever you want too. But… But I just miss him.” Carrie ponders shortly. She sits on the edge of the bed and looks stunning in her evening dress while Emma is already in her sleeping clothes. They are in the friends' room so that Finn can either spend time undisturbed with his sisters or interact with Denise. Emma had the idea and after a bit of back and forth Carrie supported her. The others won't come up for a while anyway, so the two friends have time undisturbed. Emma knows that Carrie needs this time too. Just for other reasons. But Finn trusts her and thus Emma too. She keeps thinking about her boyfriend. She doesn't mind that he's with another girl - or several - now. Only… “He is so focused on his job to make his environment happy. That's why I love him so much. He always thinks of others first and of himself last.” Emma puts her arm over her eyes. “And I blame myself for missing him. I should help him and not languish after him. I should support him."

“But you do,” Carrie says encouragingly. "You are lying here alone - I mean with me - and you are waiting faithfully for him." She bites her lip. “That will surely make him proud. Besides, it's normal. You've only been with him for a few days. Normally, you wouldn't get out of your room at all. In a normal relationship..."

“But we don't have a normal relationship,” Emma notices and the realization weighs more heavily than usual. Carrie lets her think in peace and shape her thoughts into words. “That… that makes it difficult sometimes. For me,” says Emma quickly. "Not for him." She smiles satisfied and in love. “Everything is always so easy for him. Yes, he is often worried and we always have to assure him that it is okay, that he is having fun too."

“But that's how it is. What's the problem?” Carrie doesn't seem to understand yet, and Emma knows it's up to her. She has never been able to express her feelings well in words. Only when she can feel Finn on her does she know what she really wants. And now that he's not there, she knows she needs him. “I just want to be with him. But at the same time, I blame myself for expecting something from him.” Carrie slowly nods her head.

"So you're torn between desire and loyalty?" she asks and Emma nods vigorously. Her brain seems to hit the top of her head with full **** and gives her a foretaste of what is to come. "I see," says Carrie and pats her friend's arm that is sticking out from under the covers. “But don't worry too much. Finn doesn't do this on purpose and as you say there is a lot for him to do. He doesn't just have to look after his sisters now, he also has to look after Denise. And I bet the two other little ones will soon follow him too.” She giggles a bit, but rolls her eyes at the same time. “He's really lucky to have you as a girlfriend. Well, as a first friend. He'd have a lot more difficult without you.” Emma ponders the words. Of course Carrie is right and Emma is happy to be able to help her boyfriend. She also knows that he gives her credit for it and cares about the well-being of all girls equally. "You gave up a lot to be with him and I know he loves you as much as he can." That is almost exactly what Finn said to her and Emma only respects Carrie even more for her intelligence and the way she is around her with her girlfriend.

She suddenly feels guilty about how she treated Carrie. After all, she is now sitting by her bed and taking care of her while Finn is somewhere and makes Denise happy. Emma shakes her head - more carefully than before. Poor Denise has also been through a lot more than me and Finn gives everything for her: But I still miss him. She rolls over again and looks at Carrie, who has put on an understanding smile.

"Thanks for being there for me, Carrie," Emma says wistfully and bares her teeth in an apologetic grin. “I always only talk about myself and Finn. You could be downstairs and watch horror films."

"Oh nonsense. Just listen to someone talk,” Carrie grins and puts her hand over the bedspread on the hip of the laying girl. "I like to take care of you and I have promised Finn not to leave you alone as soon as he can't be there for you." Carrie even looks a little happy but Emma feels guilty. She was wrong. She already regrets it. Regrets of having treated Carrie so brusquely, regrets troubling Finn so much with her behavior and... well, what exactly? Does she doubt him? That can not be. No. She is just lonely, nothing more. And Finn doesn't want her to feel lonely.

"Did I say the wrong thing?" asks Carrie and Emma realizes that her mood or her expression must have changed.

"No," she says quickly and forces a smile on herself. It is difficult for her to keep up with Carrie and her thoughts. The ****... and Carrie is so smart anyway.

"Phew. Luckily. Finn wouldn't like it if he came home and I didn't keep my end of our bargain."

“Are you really worried about that? I thought you and Finn... well..." Carrie just waves the argument off with her hand.

“Yeah, I know we're not quite on the same level at the moment. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I can no longer count his girlfriends on one hand.” She grins crookedly and assures Emma that it wasn't meant that bad. "But we both agree that we want to see you happy." Then Carrie falls silent and looks into the abyss for a while. Emma feels more guilty but is unable to express it. “As I said, if he's the one who makes you happy, then that's okay with me. The main thing is that you are happy.” But she doesn't look very satisfied. "Believe me, I'd rather be the one who makes you happy, but I care more about you," says Carrie after seeing the worried looks of Emma. She only says this to help her, but unfortunately achieves the opposite. The guilt gets worse and worse.

Finn is with Denise right now so that she is better soon. She will fall for him and want to please him. Just like all girls seem to want at some point. But he won't let Denise harm herself. And at some point, she will find that she likes Finn best when she makes herself happy. Like Millie, who is like a little sister to Emma. Again, she feels guilty about Megan, who is still her friend and lover, and Finn, who she hopes won't be angry with her because of her feelings for Millie. It was his youngest sister who made her stand in Josh's way. And then there's Carrie. She is very similar to Finn. Smart, cunning, powerful. Maybe that's why Emma treated her so briskly when Finn analyzed her feelings. Did she think Carrie could endanger her luck with Finn? He doesn't seem to see it that way and even relies on the protection of Carrie when he can't be there for Emma. If that's true, Emma would have made a mistake. Then she would have wronged Carrie. Emma looks at her friend, who in turn looks at her with a friendly smile. No sign of anger, sadness or remorse on her face. It is true. Emma misjudged Carrie. Even if the **** in her blood slows her thinking and Finn is not there to help, Emma Jackson realizes that she misjudged her. One of her oldest friends. Emma has Finn who takes care of her. And Megan and Millie. And maybe soon Denise and the McKinleys. But Carrie? She has a similar fate and life is not easy either.

“I have completely forgotten to ask you how you are.” Carrie looks surprised.

"Me? How am I supposed to be?” She grins. "I get along. I always do.” Of course she blocks. Emma did the same when she wasn't with Finn yet but already loved him. She gently places a hand on the soft leg of her smart friend. The two girls look at each other.

“Sorry I can't reciprocate your feelings. And that I shot you down so hard That was stupid of me." Emma speaks the truth. She may recognize it right now, but that doesn't make it any better. Carrie loves her and she did her wrong.

"Yes, it was" grins the blonde. "But I forgive you." The conversation takes place in the strange intermediate state of amusement, desire and embarrassment and Carrie is much better at moving in it than Emma. Her feelings always wander between the three states of mind while Carrie seems to switch between them easily. “Of course I would like to be with you and Michael. But I can see that you are totally addicted to Finn.” She takes the hand of Emma and the friends look at each other. Carrie looks really pretty, Emma notices and doesn't find anything wrong with the statement, Megan looks very pretty too. "I admire your strength."

"What strength?" Emma has a hard time concentrating. But Carrie helps her.

“That you wait for Finn. That you trust him even when the situation is difficult. That you stay loyal to him even though I can be just as good a friend as he is.” Carrie winks. She doesn't want to hurt Emma. Just a little banter between two friends.

“Not as good as him, believe me,” laughs Emma. Then her face falls down. Did she just say that out loud? My God what a bitch I am. She looks at Carrie, but her face hasn't broken.

"Well if you say that" she laughs unmoved. “But it's an unequal competition, I have to admit. Even if I'm not afraid of such challenges, I have to say that Finn has an unfair advantage."

"His cock..." Emma dreams and looks past Carrie into her thoughts, but is fetched back by her friend.

"Hey, I'm sitting right in front of you," she grins and pinches Emma firmly on the arm. The two laugh wildly. "But yes," Carrie continues seriously and maybe also a little dreamy. “He's already slept with you. Something that has so far been denied to me."

"So far?" Emma is not that drunk after all and is not tired enough to ignore the hope in her friends' voice. She is really shocked.

“Oh Emma honey, I'm so sorry. That just slipped out of my mind. Sorry.” She lets go of the brown-haired girl and puts her hands in front of her chest soothingly. “I promise you that Finn and I have come to an agreement. I don't hunt in his - pretty large - territory. That would only hurt you in the end anyway.” Emma is impressed with the strength of will. If she didn't have Finn, she wouldn't know if she could resist Carrie. Being with women has never been a problem for Emma Jackson. Maybe she's bi like Carrie too. Inwardly she grins. Even if Carrie doesn't really know yet, Emma is one step ahead of her. She is definitely not a lesbian. She has too much desire for Finn and his... thing. Outwardly, however, she continues to watch the girl in front of her. Her friend. "Finn might have other girls." Normally this saying would make Emma angry. It was like that when Finn was there. But she owes it to Carrie to worry about her too. Especially now that she has no one here by the lake. "But you can see that he likes you as much as you and that he tries to be with you." That helps and Emma quickly forgets the danger that these words harbor. Instead, she focuses on Carrie.

"Tell me, I wanted to ask you that anyway..." Emma starts but doesn't know how to continue. The question about the love life of Carrie seems strangely inappropriate this evening. But the promising politician knows exactly what is going on in her friend's head.

"Because of Michael?" She shrugs and actually looks a little sad. “To be honest: I don't know. I like him and he likes me.” She looks at Emma a little pityingly. “He doesn't deserve what I do to him. Honestly. He is a nice guy. But I don't know how far I want to go with him.” She smiles sadly. “He just can't stand up to you. He's super nice, accommodating, takes care of me and all that. But you're just different.” Again she raises her hands. “But you're off the table, no question. I don't want to lose you, Emma. Not as my friend. What would I do then?"

“You would surely come up with something. I have not met anyone who is as intelligent as you."

"I'm leaving Finn out of the game for now and I'm happy to accept the thanks," Carrie grins and Emma is embarrassingly aware of what she has said. But Carrie helps. "We're very similar." She shrugs. “Maybe we understand each other and that's why we both get along so well with you. He can count himself lucky to have you and your patience with him."

"Thank you for understanding so much." The two girls hug. A fleeting touch becomes an intimate hug. Emma feels good around Carrie. She is not a bad person. Finn is just... better. But still, she doesn't want to let go of the body that is pressing against her. And even Carrie shows no signs of letting go. She rubs her back and Emma does the same. They have known each other for a long time and have experienced a lot together. The first kiss Emma had ever received was from Carrie. And it was good. Carrie has always been more grown-up and tougher than her friends and Emma has always admired that. Now she understands why Carrie is so strong. She has to lift a lot. Often she is alone. And she wanted to rely on Emma, confided in her and finally fell in love with her. And Emma didn't notice the whole time what was going on in front of her nose.

She hugs Carrie tighter. She doesn't react but realizes what's going on in her. Finally, she responds to her rapprochement. Emma feels very guilty. And yes, she's also a little intoxicated from the situation and the **** that Carrie gave her at the club. The show is really tough. But most of all, she feels sorry for her friend. Always alone. Always fighting. Emma must be able to do something to help Carrie. She knows that she can't go as far as Carrie deserves. Here she is, lonely and in love. Finn is not there. Emma is not a fool. She knows she has sworn allegiance to him. She wants to marry him someday. Have children with him. Start a family. A big family with many girlfriends for him. He deserves it.

But wouldn't he want Carrie to be happy too? He always wants to make everyone happy. He definitely wants Emma to be happy. And how is that going right now? Emma is happy when she can make Carrie happy. That is the framework on which her relationship with Finn is built. But how far can she go to do the same? She has always felt a bit guilty when Finn pulles a leg out to help her and she could just enjoy him. Would he be proud of her if she made Carrie happy? Everything is spinning in her head. Question after question. And Carrie smells so good. And feels so good. How far can Emma go with her best friend to heal her from the injuries she inflicted on her? Because of Finn. And how far can she go without betraying him and her oath of loyalty? Emma Jackson has no answer to these questions. While she hugs her friend and knows how bad that must feel for her for sure, she also wonders if she wants it herself. How far does she want to go herself? The answer scares her so much that Carrie realizes.

"Sorry," she says again and breaks the physical connection between the two. She clears her throat and looks to the side. "I shouldn't have done that." So she noticed it too. Carrie wants to get up and leave the room. Both girls are surprised when Emma stops her with her body. With the necessary strength, she pulls her friend back down onto the bed. Then they stare each other in the eye, both unsure of the next step. Just like teenagers. Just like the evening so many moons in the past. But Emma can feel Carrie on her lips like it was only minutes ago. It was very different from the way Finn kisses her. Was it better? Alone the realization that Emma doesn't know the answer scares her.

“Don't go,” Emma simply says and very quietly. Carrie just nods slowly and waits until the other one can no longer take it. “I want to help you, Carrie. Honestly. I... I just don't know how and... how far I can go."

"How far do you want to go?" Emma presses her lips together because Carrie is suddenly not that cool and distant anymore. Suddenly she is very close to her.

“You deserve more,” she says after a long silence. “You're a good person and it's unfair that… I don't know either. That there aren't two of me."

“That wouldn't matter either. It might work with Finn, but he and I are just in love with the same person.” Carrie sounds sad. "We just don't want to share you both."

“That's not true,” says Emma and is startled by the volume of her voice. And is she right at all? She doesn't know what Carrie thinks about the matter and Finn would surely let herself be persuaded to... What am I thinking here? Emma is shocked at herself. As if by herself, she wondered how far she would go. Yes, she would go very far. The question is not whether she wants to, but whether Finn allows it. And Carrie is probably right. Emma crosses a line in her head without even realizing it. She sits up and takes Carrie by the hand. “You deserve better. I…” She sums up her courage. She certainly doesn't want to hurt Finn. But Carrie is also right about what she says. That means she didn't actually say anything. Emma came up with the idea on her own. And at that moment she doesn't get frightened of it. She doesn't even notice. "I want to help you... thank you," she mumbles and can't look at her friend.

"How are you going to do that?" asks Carrie, just as flatly as Emma. Both girls hold their breath. How did this situation come about? Emma doesn't know. But she knows that she loves Finn, he loves her, Carrie is lonely and Finn wouldn't want that. She is not wearing a bra. Her breasts move freely under her long shirt. She raises her friends' hands and tries to lead her to her destination. No sex, Finn wouldn't like that. But she can thank Carrie. Show her that she knows what sacrifices she is making. And if she has to undress for it, Finn will understand, right? He does the same with other girls. Determined, Emma lifts her friend's hand and pulls her close. She stretches her back and presents her breasts to her friend. The young politician's eyes go wide.

"Wait," she says quietly but firmly. But Emma doesn't wait. “Stop!” That makes the situation die out. Emma is speechless.

"What...?" Carrie pulls her hand loose and holds it to one side protectively. Her look is hurt and sad.

"I... I can't let that happen," she stammers and stands up. Emma can't believe it. But still, Carrie moves away from her. "Listen. I... I would enjoy being around you. Honestly. But we both know that it can't go well."

"But I just want to..."

"Help me. I know. I know that you feel guilty. But I do not want that. You were right when you said you belonged to Finn. I don't want to stand in the way.” Nevertheless, she comes close to Emma again. “Don't get too troubled. I know I'm a hot piece of meat.” She winks at the confused Emma and pats her cheek. “But that's not how it works. You belong to Finn and can only go to a certain point."

“But which one is it?” asks Emma, confused and also a little angry. She's mad that she can't help Carrie. Angry with herself that she doesn't understand why everything can't be as easy as it was with Finn.

“You will find out later. First, enjoy the time with him. I'm not running away from you. And we'll have the next conversation if we're both not too drunk.” With that, she gets up and leaves the room. She wishes Emma a good night, who is too lost in thought to notice.

And now Emma Jackson lies awake on the bed, listening to the friends downstairs watching some horror movie. Something gross, sure. For them, the coming night is exactly like the horror film shown below. She lies awake, rolling from side to side, racking her mind over what just happened. She would never have thought that she would stand between two people and bring happiness to only one. Otherwise, she was always the one who stepped aside. Karen intercepted most of her potential boyfriends and Emma was always pleased when she saw how they fell. Karen can handle such people, Emma less so. Then Finn came along and everything changed. Suddenly she is in the middle of the world, his world. And yes, there are some other people standing there too, but Emma still doesn't mind. Because Finn floods the middle of his world with so much love that they all get enough.

But now? Now Carrie is out of this world and Emma is confused. She loves Finn, no question about it. It's more that the behavior of Carrie has confirmed her affection for him. Yes, it hurts her, but yes, Emma and Finn belong together. But Carrie doesn't know that this is exactly what weighs Emma down. If her boyfriend only had her as a friend, things would be clear to everyone involved. Then Emma wouldn't have to worry about her guilt because that's life. She's not that naive either. She moans and rolls over, kicks the blanket and swears softly as the first pain flashes through her head like lightning. With Finn, everything is better... but also different. Maybe there is a way Emma can get Carrie and Finn together. Maybe then Emma won't feel so guilty anymore. The temptation is simply too great to change something that Finn can change so easily. Would Carrie get involved with Finn like Maureen did? Could she be included in the group? Then Finn could take charge of everyone's problems and simply order that Emma sleeps with Carrie and kisses her and is there for her. And Carrie wouldn't have to worry about her affection.

But does Finn want that? One of her greatest fears is losing him. And yes, she meant what she said to Carrie. Finn is her boyfriend and she has a responsibility to him. But not being able to do anything is difficult for her. She wants to help Carrie and please Finn. If he can do that, there has to be a way for Emma.

Today she won't get any answers to her questions. Even if Carrie didn't want to, even tried to dissuade her, Emma goes to sleep with a heavy head and an even heavier heart. Something is different in her world. Something changed with the words of Carrie. Maybe Finn can help her when he's back. But maybe he has other responsibilities and Emma doesn't want to stand in his way. She doesn't want to be the one causing the group trouble.