Search for a motive

I kept walking in circles, not knowing what to do - all of this was a sudden change in my life that i was not ready to experience, i don't even know what to do.

I repeated in my head over and over What do i do? What do i do? What do i do? before sitting down in my bed and aswering myself.

I first need to find out what i want to do... what's my motive in here - i reflected a little bit but tried not to go to deep to fall in an existencial crisis again.

I began talking to myself about the goals and achievements in my life and what i wanted to be in life.

What do i want to be in life? What do i want to do? - i know that right now i just want to go to sleep but i need to form some sort of long term plan for my future

I always liked the idea of going to college, fall in love and start a family, have a really good job to keep my family satisfy and enjoy life but now that seemed like a complicated life. I basically had to start from zero in this new city, meet new people, get a job, form friendships and do all other things

I thought about some more and then grabbed a photo of my dad from my dresser at the side of my bed. What should i do dad? i asked him - i felt like he would have replied with something like Don't ask me, you need to do what you think is right... so what do YOU want son?

I felt motivated imagining my dad supporting me from heaven, looking down, making sure that i was safe and trusting that i would do the best for my future and well being.

So what do i want?... Hmmm interesting... well i want to first meet new people, explore the city even more to see all of the fun things that await me - i want to visit every location and live here for a long time, i want to meet a cute girl, make her my girlfriend, take her out on thousands of dates throughout the city and after spending months and months with her i will propose to her, maybe plant a baby in her womb, marry her, get a family and continue life raising my kids and maybe grandkids.

Well, i do want to meet new people, and fall in love, that's for sure... what now?

What about education? That school seems really cool, i would like to go there, hopefully i can pass all the years and graduate, i don't really know what carrer to pursue but after college i want to get a job, make millions of dollars, buy a car, a house, pay my mom for being an awesome mom and taking care of me for all these years.

So education and work are also my goals - going to school seems like a great idea now but maybe i need to focus on some other problems, for example my family...

I worry about mom, i know she is having a hard time, maybe is better to try to help her, i want to see her happy again - also it would be nice if i could be friends again with my sister, i know that seems impossible but i miss having fun with her, she was an amazing sister before turning into a bitch, hopefully i am able to talk to her and instead of making war we could start making love... I mean... not like that... i meant peace... m-make peace and stop fighting over dumb shit

I, for some reason got a little bit hard from thinking about my sister and the incident from yesterday, which reminded me of something...

This city is famous for the traditions and activities that take place in here, specially in August... right?

Maybe i can get lucky in here and fuck a couple of girls, i really need to get my dick wet... it's been so long - i want a cumslut to fuck everyday and hopefully i will find new people in here to enjoy the month of August... damn my lust is taking over me, i need to calm down a little and think.

But it is a great idea... i could take advantage of the school that i'm going to be in and meet some girls my age there, i have to work on my seducing tactics to get me a girlfriend or two... maybe i could even get every girl to have sex with me and be the new Jordan Pimpson of this city and get a thousand girls pregnant...

I'm getting way to into this sex thing, it's making me horny but i have to stop i noticed that i was still grabbing my dad's photo and relaxed a bit - i looked at it, feeling proud but at the same time sad about it.

I wish you could still be here dad... i miss you... i want to know what happpened to you, it was so unexpected...

Dad always drove normal, he never drank, he was very cautious and even at night he was able to keep great control on the wheel... still somehow he passed away from a car crash, it seemed kinda suspicious but i never brought that up to mom so she doesn't have another breakdown where she drowns herself in tears and gets depressed - i didn't want to see her like that but i wanted to know what happened with dad.