Who am I (to disagree?)

Chapter 61

A face peels out of the haze of your orgasm and the receding sleep. Bright blue eyes look at you, blink several times and as the veil of sleep recedes you see a mouth, the lips of which are twisted into a shy smile. You blink and only then recognize the horror that is revealed to you. As if stung by the tarantula, you jump out of the deck chair and stumble back a few steps, cursing, while shaking hands ensure that your pants are back in place. You almost fall over the railing of the terrace onto the lawn, but you can still hold on in time. Wood crunches and small pieces of paint peel off as you lean your full weight against the thin wooden struts.

"Denise?" you bark and try to pull your pants up in a panic. It looks like nothing important is hanging out and you still feel the warmth of her hand in your crotch. The girl looks as if you just slapped her on the face and squats on the couch and looks stunned at you.

"Finn, I just wanted..."

"What the hell did you do?!" you screech in a suppressed voice. You look around the property hectically, but no one is in sight. Only you and the girl are present, but that doesn't make it any better. "Denise, dear God!" You tie your pants and pull your shirt, which has slipped up half your upper body.

"But you said it was okay if I slept with you," she whines. "I just wanted to make it more pleasant for you."

"I didn't say anything like that!" you hiss in panic. You almost expect Millie to come around the corner and look at you reproachfully. Denise gets up and comes running towards you. She wants to throw herself around your neck and her eyes drill into your soul. You keep her away from you but the girl keeps trying to get closer to you. You manage to turn away and escape onto the lawn of the house. There you turn back to her and just see how she wants to follow you. With a hand gesture, you stop her briefly, one foot on the bottom step of the terrace, another on the grass.

"You said you'd sleep with me," Denise repeats, bringing you back to the lake for the last evening. Yes, you said it. Damn idiot!

"Denise, that doesn't work that way. I have girlfriennnnn... a girlfriend!” You almost reveal yourself. "I'm not going to just screw you now." It's like telling her the world is going to end and there is nothing that can stop it. She wants to say something, but just doesn't get anything out. Then she thinks of something

"What if we do it without anyone knowing? Emma doesn't need to know about it.” Hope is what you hear from her question. This girl really wants to sleep with you.

"I would know if I cheated on Emma. And Emma too. I wouldn't hide anything from her.” Maybe that will calm her down. Yes okay, you said 'not yet'. That was stupid. But you also couldn't know how deep this girl's despair reached. Right?

"But you promised." Now it's just a whimper, an admission that she's lost.

"I promised to help you, yes." It is not the complete truth and you both know that. But what do you want to do? "And I keep my word."

"But how are you going to help me if we don't have sex with each other?" Now Denise gets loud and you take an impending step towards the frightened girl. But instead of dodging you, she falls towards you. With full **** she throws herself around your neck and a shaky hand wanders between your legs again. What she didn't dare to do on the first evening at the lake, she is now catching up with panic. You turn away from the house and grab her hand. You pull her firmly away from you but she doesn't give up.

"Let me show you that I'm a good fuck, please. I can stay with you. I do everything you want. You can have me as you want.” You hear Emma in her voice but Denise gives you a sight that will make you sick if you don't do anything. There are worlds between the playful, feverish lovingly submission of Emma and the panicked behavior of Denise.

"We will not have sex Denise" you squeeze out of your mouth and immediately regret it.

"No!" she shrieks. "I have to..." You quickly put your hand on her mouth to somehow silence her. You have never shifted from sleep to complete hectic so quickly and your body notices this and tries to pump enough oxygen into your organism with a pounding heart to be able to process everything that pours on you. You see eyes that stare over your palm into your gaze. Tears run down your hand and form a greasy film between your skin. Her breathing penetrates quickly and damply between your fingers. But her body is limp and her arms are uselessly attached to her body. You simply drag her away from the house, away from possible dangers to the boat shed. You almost push her through the door and she lands weakly on her knees in the middle of the room. It's strangely empty without the hammocks. Only the carpet is forgotten on the floor. You close the door behind you and turn to the pile of misery, which comes to her feet with shaky legs.

"Denise I just can't be what you need. I just can't sleep with you” you hiss and feel helpless.

"But I need it!" She shrieks again and tries to pounce on you. But she is too weak. Her legs give way under her and instead of conquering you she hangs weak and sobbing in your arms again.

All that matters now is that you somehow save this girl. Your girlfriends will understand that. You can't just leave this poor thing to her fate. Without further ado, you put one hand under her thigh, pull it up and hold her in your arms. She immediately wraps her arms around you and clings to you. She is a little taller and therefore a little heavier than Millie, but it is still easy to sink to the ground with her in your arms and let her rest on your lap. You still feel the moisture of your orgasm in your pants and it won't be long before it becomes... uncomfortable. But the moisture that is now getting on your skin is caused by thick tears that drench your shirt. Denise crouches down on you again, rolls into a ball on your lap and holds your hands tightly.

"I need that" she sobs again and again and rubs her tear-wet face against your forearm. It does not help. You were hoping to sail around it somehow, but your ship hit the rocks. Now you have to free it somehow.

"Why do you think you should have to sleep with me Denise?" You do not know what tone to use on her and that deeply unsettles you. With Millie and Megan it is clear. And Emma even helps you with that. But Denise has so far not responded well to the tender number and only heard orders and a rough voice. But are you supposed to do that now? "Talk to me." This time you sound a bit more demanding and in fact Denise starts to react to you. "I can only help you if you talk to me. Come on. Talk." Oh god, I'm going to hell.

"Isn't that, what men want from women?" comes the slow response. The girl on her lap keeps **** on her grief. "I...I'd thought Nate would be different. I… I trusted him.” For a few minutes there is nothing you can do but caress Denise as she overcomes the grief. My god this girl has been destroyed. "I...I did e-everything he asked me to do. Everything. I thought he would like me. I thought... I thought we would love each other." She raises her head and looks at you with puffy eyes seeking help. Her nostrils flutter. "The way Millie loves you... and Megan too..." You get sick shortly when you realize that you must have spoken in your sleep. But it is, as you have correctly recognized. This girl is only a danger to herself. A deadly one.

"Yes, I'm with Millie and Megan. And with Emma too“ you say monotonously because you know what has to come now.

"Then what difference makes a cunt more?" Now Denise is lively, stretching in your lap and lifting up imploringly. "I do not get it. I do everything you say. I bang everyone you want. I'm not going to betray you. I promise.” My God, just like Emma. Your heart freezes at the thought that your newest girlfriend might have the same feelings or act for the same reasons. No this can not be. She is so happy. But still you will have to make sure that Emma is fine. "You can do whatever you want with me" Denise repeats her offer. She apparently knows no other way out of her misery. And somehow you can understand it. She must have thought all her life that her brother would like her. And now she realizes - through me - that he's a monster while I have everything she wants. You instinctively take her closer in your arms while you think about your part in her life. Are you really as far from her as you always tell yourself? Or has your behavior already linked her to you and your friends? Do I have a responsibility towards her? And if so, where does it end? You do not know. Not yet. But maybe you can explain to Denise what it is about her and you.

"Denise, it's not about sex."

"Not?" She murmurs, and it would be like speaking to her in Chinese. Your pitch isn't helpful either. No matter how much you know that she responds to authorities, you can only be loving to her.

"No." You shake your head almost amused. And then you tell Denise your whole life. From the day you saw your sisters for the first time until today. It's the second time you do this. The first time was with Melina and you had to do it to help yourself. Now maybe you can help someone else by telling them why you like Millie, Megan, and now Emma too. "... That's why I would never **** Millie to do anything. She does these things because she loves me. The fact that we sleep with each other hardly plays a role." In the end it seems to have calmed Denise down a bit, but still she asks: "But how can I be with you then?" She looks down at herself. "I only have this." She points to her body and you detest her brother more than ever.

"No, you have more. Much more."

"You mean my personality?" she asks almost mockingly. "Nobody likes my personality. I'm just the school manga bunny. No one cares. At least I had something with my brother that connects me.”

“Your submission to him didn't connect you to him. It destroyed you.” You try not to show your sheer anger.

"But I had a purpose in life. When I thought he would love me, I knew what I had to do." She looks at you questioningly and tears roll again. "What should I do now?" Then she recognizes something and her eyes widen again. She slips towards you on her knees. "You said you could get me through this. You said you help me. Help me. Please.” You and your big mouth. Should you tell her that you have no idea yourself? You feel cold when you realize that you are headed for a disaster. You can see it in her eyes: Denise has already fallen. And only you hold her back from the abyss. But how do you pull her back? She doesn't respect herself. It won't work the way which I attempt with Millie. She needs my guidance. She wants my leadership. But what can I give her? You think feverishly as a few tear-stained eyes chase you and plead for your help. Okay Lynchwood. Quiet. The energy must come from you. But without using her. She needs a sense in life. I have to give it to her. If I don't tell her what to do, no one will direct her and she'll get off the train. She needs a... No, it's too perverted. You shake your head. There has to be another solution. But there are none. If I have to control her, that's the only way. She's like a sad... No, you can't do that.

"What is it?" Denise sniffs and looks at you questioningly. The sheer sight of you was enough to make her forget her grief for a brief moment and look at you questioningly. You look her in the eye and that's the moment you decide. It is her eyes that make you decide.

"I maybe know a way."

"Which way then?" Hope resonates in her voice and a small piece of life returns to her eyes.

"I don't know if you will like it. And if not, you can always go back.” You try to explain to Denise what you're going to do. But at the same time you also try to perfect your plan in your head.

"Where are I going back to? I have nothing.” Damn, she's right.

"It's risky, but it could pay off." You still hesitate. It is difficult and dangerous and you will definitely need to have a few more conversations with your girlfriends. But now it's the only thing you can do. Hell it's the only thing you can think of. You take a deep breath. "I could do the thinking for you." You say that in an uncertain voice because you yourself don't know what you're saying. Denise seems to share your lack of understanding, just looks at you blankly. "I could make the decisions for you. Look. You need all the strength to heal yourself. Maybe I can help give it to you.” Your fingers are intertwined. There is no way back. "It's just an idea." You fall silent. My God, that sounds disgusting. Carrie was right. You've become a damn chauvinist. Leave Emma **** to pay for her own food, fuck your sisters without giving them the opportunity to be able to find another friend. And now you want to subject a girl to what's on the ground. That is disgusting. You…

"Keep talking" comes from your lap and a not so sad voice brings you back to reality. Yes, she no longer sounds too bad, rather... curious. You wonder about yourself, because the words are not so difficult for you anymore.

"It is clear that you are currently unable to decide anything. And I honestly don't know how to deal with the challenges in your life alone. It's selfish, but there's no other way to say it. I am just there and I am happy to be there for you. I imagine a way that you can end up being as happy as Millie after her crisis. And to be honest, I think I can help you with that." It is also the most heroic and disgusting thing you have ever done in your life.

"Everything. I'll do anything" Denise says, pressing her face to your stomach. You grimace painfully.

"Yes I know. But that also worries me. I don't know if I can do you justice."

"But you have a plan. I will follow that. Everything as you say it. I promise.” It is as you feared. Denise is completely dependent on you. And she knows that. But like with her pig from brother, she rushes at you in the hope that you are the solution to the problem and not another complication. Ask Millie. Ask Megan. Ask your sisters if you are a good person, you think to yourself and know the answer. And that gives you the strength to continue speaking in a tone that will help Denise.

"Yes, I have a plan. It is not yet perfect, but if you promise me that you will respect me as Millie did in her situation, I can help you."

"Yes, I promise." You **** yourself to keep talking.

"But if this is just a phase of you and should you soon start to undress in front of me or dig at me, then I cannot help you." Now the girl shakes her head violently.

"No! Under no circumstance. I obey. I promise.” She sounds so determined… and happy… if she thinks I would lead her. You get the fear at this thought. "I would have full control over you and your life, to make this clear. Let me make it even clearer: You are giving up many of your freedoms so that I can guide you through your crisis. You admit yourself… hey!” When you were talking, she curled up on your lap and leaned her head on your arm. "Don't fall asleep, that's important," you laugh and are happy to find the situation easier. She lifts her head and the smile you see penetrates brightly through the layer of tears. "You admit to yourself that you can't do it alone and therefore need my help. In return for your obedience and guidance over your life, I assure you that you always have someone to stand by you. No matter what you do. If you agree, I'll take care of you. Better than Nate.” Denise goes pale at the mention of his name. Only now does she seem to understand the differences between you and him as brothers.

"Okay," she breathes and you press your lips together silently. You honestly don't know if you wanted to hear that. But it's still the only way you can think of.

"One more thing." Denise seems to be responding well to you. She breathes more easily, is no longer cramped and her fingernails no longer pierce your flesh so painfully. That alone lets you breathe a sigh of relief, but there is still one thing to clarify. The girl may not do it on purpose, but she can still be a danger to your loved ones.

“Millie and Megan and Emma are very important to me. You saw it yourself. I love them." So in front of Denise, you can confess your feelings for Emma? "And they also have the say in the relationship. If they don't agree with something I do, I won't do it, understand?” Denise nods. "I don't think they'll treat you badly or keep me away from you." You have to smile at the thought. "But that also means we're not going to have sex and you keep your hands off me and Millie, right?" Denise wants to say something, but you're not done yet. "I will take care of you and I will make sure that you are well in life. But you don't have to sleep with me for that.” She doesn't seem to understand. "You don't have to use your body for me to stay with you." You look at her with a smile and imagine that you take away her fear with it. "It comes all by itself."

"Okay" says little Van Buren again, and again you think that it was a little too fast.

"No, not yet. You think about it very, very carefully and then tell me as soon as you are finished. Take your time, I don't run away. Remember, you should only do what I tell you to do. Always."

"I want that. I need that." Damn it. That little thing.

"Then my first order to you is that you take your time and tell me later what you decided. It must be for your own good Denise” you grin and stroke her head. And then, without thinking about it, you quickly kiss her on the forehead. It has become something very natural for you over the past few days. And Denise takes it very well, giggles a little and hugs you even tighter.

Her hair somehow feels different from that of your sisters or the ones of Emma. Or you just imagine it. You shake your head. Slowly you come down and calm down a little. What have I done? Your hand stops briefly and stops caressing Denise. You can only concentrate again when she raises her arms and encourages you to continue. It is damn risky to burden Denise with this. But still, it can lead to her being able to gather the strength to face her demons. She has been abused for years. Didn't anyone notice that? And with that come so many other questions. You yourself still have your doubts as to whether you will be the one who will save Denise - why the one with three girlfriends of all people? - but it is also clear that this girl chose you as her savior. With the **** attempt to get in your pants, she wanted to tie a bond between you. You have to show her a way that doesn't **** her to do things so that you stay with her. Stay with her? What are you for her? You clench your teeth so tight that your jaw muscles hurt. But now it is too late. The little human on your lap is calm and relaxed and that's just as much a fact as the love of your sisters and Emma for you. At least you managed not to jump into bed with her right away. Maybe that will help you in the future. You may have already averted this crisis. A thousand more are coming.

But strangely, you don't care in the least. You think without stopping to caress Denise over her head, shoulders and back and come to a satisfactory result. It were your girlfriends. They saved you - and with it, Denise, too. Not you or your strong, manly perseverance. If Millie and Megan were not your girlfriends and wouldn't give you the affection and trust that Denise needs, you would not have the strength to let her get so close to you, even to live her life for her without knowing what the future brings. And if Emma didn't show you what a real relationship would look like with such a high level of seriousness and determination, you wouldn't know how to subjugate a girl for her own good.

You bite your lip at the thought that these could only be awesome fantasies, controlled by your cock, which, like every other cock, only wants one from Denise. Then why are you so happy not sleeping with her? And you also know that you are still unsure about this girl. You made it easier for both of you when you took control of her life. Law the case, she'll agree. But something tells you that she will do it.

"Thank you," she murmurs in a low voice, causing a hoarse laugh from you.

"Thank me not too soon dear." Her doggy eyes look at you faithfully and do not understand. "We still have a lot ahead of us." That makes her look more concerned again. Another challenge. To get a person to face the darkest and most dangerous thought. "But from now on I'm by your side." Her face brightens up again immediately. "And you don't have to do anything about it, okay?"

"I'll give you everything I can Finn." With that she hugs you again and maybe - just maybe you did a little better for her.

You stay like this for a while, no one says anything and waits for the tears to dry. Then you get up and want to leave the room. But you turn around and look at Denise. She stands with her hands folded in front of her lap and looks at you with faithful eyes. She has already made up her mind.

"Come on. Get out of here and have a nice day."

"Okay" she mumbles and walks past you to the door. In the passage she stops again and turns to face you, one hand still on the doorknob. "Thank you." Then she walks across the lawn and leaves you with a new task, a new challenge and a new fear in the room. But somehow you're also happy because you now know Denise will enjoy the day that you told her.

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