A bad time at the bar with Kaito

To both his relief and anxiety, Shuichi didn’t hear from Reol again until late the next afternoon, when he received a text message from a number he didn’t recognize that simply read “Hey.” He didn’t have any proof that it was from the brunette escort, but considering he never got texts from anyone, it didn’t take much detective work for him to deduce who it was.

“Hey, Reol,” Shuichi typed back once he was sure none of his bosses were looking. “How’s it going?”

Shuichi waited several minutes for a reply from her, but none ever came.

“Did… did I say something wrong? Oh no, I should have tried to be smoother, shouldn’t I?” Shuichi clutched his forehead as his anxiety welled up inside him. “What if she never wants to speak to me again? What if she hates me! What if she hired one of her old assassin buddies to take me out, and one of them is pointing a sniper rifle at me right now and-“

“Good afternoon, Shuichi,” a voice suddenly said from behind Shuichi, causing him to jump in his office chair.

“Gah!” Shuichi dropped his phone onto his work desk and spun around to see one of his coworkers standing behind him; Korekiyo Shinguji from the human resources department. They had long, neatly combed black hair, pale skin, a modest tan suit with a brown tie, brown leather loafers, hands wrapped in bandages despite being uninjured, long eyelashes, and yellow eyes almost seemed to glow as they watched Shuichi gasp in fear. Their form was long and slender, giving the impression of being a boy despite their long hair and clearly feminine facial features.

“My apologies, Shuichi. I did not mean to startle you,” Korekiyo continued, placing one of their bandaged hands against their cheek apologetically.

“I-it’s fine, Korekiyo,” Shuichi stammered, calming himself down. Korekiyo was only person at the office Shuichi referred to by their first name, but it wasn’t out of familiarity; it was because he had no idea whether or not to call Korekiyo a ‘mister’ or a ‘miss’ and he was too embarrassed to ever ask. “Was there something that you needed?”

“Oh no, I was just coming by to let you know that you can head home early today,” Korekiyo explained. “Apparently, some big project is about to be finished and most of the office is taking the opportunity to start the weekend early. It would be pointless for you to stay in an empty office, so I’m extending the leave to everyone.”

“Including me?” Shuichi asked in surprise.

“Keheheh… indeed, ‘everyone’ does include you too, Shuichi,” Korekiyo replied somewhat playfully. “Yes, your work does not rely much on your fellow employees but working alone can hamper a person’s social skills. By letting you go home early, I’m giving you a chance to ‘hang out’ with your friends and form important social bonds.”

“Right… social bonds.” Shuichi glanced over towards Kaito’s desk a few cubicles away and saw a small crowd of men, including Kaito, standing around it. They were laughing, smiling, and patting each other on the back as Kaito submitted a design document on his computer.

“Woohoo! We did it!” Kaito shouted as the group around him broke out into a cheer. “The first round of drinks is on me tonight, boys! Weekend! Weekend! Weekend!” The crowd of men joined in on Kaito’s cheer as they all walked towards the exit together.

“Keheheh. Coworker bonding rituals… is there a more beautiful sight anywhere in the world?” Korekiyo asked as they watched the group leave too. “I hear they’re even going to a bar tonight, no doubt to indulge in some ****-fueled shenanigans that they can all laugh about later. Such is the way of Japanese office culture. Tell me, Shuichi, will you be joining them?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Shuichi replied with a sigh, not a drop of enthusiasm in his voice. “What about you? Were you invited?”

“I was, but I am afraid I cannot attend. I have my own plans involving my hobbies that cannot be postponed,” Korekiyo explained. “Besides, I can already tell that this event will be very ‘bro’ oriented, and a lady like myself may not be able to fit in.”

“Oh, so you are a woman!” Shuichi said right before he felt a sudden pit in his stomach. “N-not that I didn’t know that!”

“Keheheh,” Korekiyo laughed, laughing even harder than before. “Ah, it never ceases to amuse me how confused people get just because I lack most of the obvious female cultural signifiers. Yes, even though I wear pants and loafers a avoid wearing makeup in the office, I am in fact still a woman.”

“S-sorry, Ms. Shinguji,” Shuichi apologized with a bow, the weight of his embarrassment so heavy it felt like it was going to crush him to **** at any moment. “I didn’t mean to be so rude just now!”

“No need to apologize, my dear,” the taller woman said calmly. “Gender is just a small part of person’s identity, after all, and it far more arbitrary than many people believe.”

“Really? Is that why you don’t, uh… dress like the other women at the office?” Shuichi asked curiously.

“Yes, that is certainly part of the reason,” Korekiyo replied. “But I also prefer to dress up more like a woman for special occasions. It makes the events feel so much more… intense~”

Laughing to herself softly, Korekiyo rubbed her hands up and down her torso while Shuichi watched on awkwardly.

“Uh… thanks for letting me know I can leave,” Shuichi said as he gathered his things, hoping to escape this awkward situation. “I just finished the last of my work, so I think I’ll get going right now.”

“It was no trouble at all, Shuichi,” Korekiyo replied, finally removing her hands from her body. “I wish you luck on your social excursion tonight. May you get along swimmingly with your coworkers.” Korekiyo turned around to leave but glanced back at Shuichi one last time. “Or not. Sometimes it’s more fun to go against the grain, as it were~”

Despite the opportunity to leave work early, Shuichi didn’t do all that much when he returned to his apartment. He didn’t quite have the time or the nerve to hire another escort at the moment, he still didn’t have any hobbies, and Reol still didn’t reply to his earlier text. So, when the office boy returned home, he quietly ate his dinner alone before turning on his laptop and doing a little extra work. And then, when there was no more work left to do, Shuichi simply stared at his phone and wondered if he should try texting Reol an apology or not.

Ultimately, he couldn’t come to a decision before Katio’s meeting time of 7 PM rolled around, which finally snapped him out of his stupor when an alert he set on his phone for the occasion lit up his screen.

“I suppose it’s time I got going,” Shuichi said to himself as he put his shoes and cap back on. “I’ve never hung out with friends like this before… or hung out with friends that much at all. But, I’m sure it’ll still be fun, right? We’re going to get a few drinks, form some close social bonds, and have a wonderful time! I’m sure of it!”

Shuichi was not having a good time.

Once at the Bon Voyage, Shuichi found himself crammed between several of his coworkers at Kaito’s table as they all ordered drinks, laughing about jokes he didn’t understand while loud music blared over the bar’s sound system. Shuichi didn’t order anything himself, but Kaito shoved a glass into his hand anyways and insisted that he drink up to ‘unwind’. Shuichi wanted to say ‘no’ but Kaito’s smile was so bright and charming, his teeth shining on Shuichi like glittering stars. So, Shuichi lifted his glass up towards his lips and began drink.

The beer did not help the boy feel relaxed in the slightest. If anything, it made him even more nervous as the unfamiliar drink burned his throat and roiled his sensitive stomach. He would have stopped drinking immediately, but the rancorous cheers of his coworkers spurred him to finish the disgusting fluid anyways.

“Whoo hoo! You did it, Shuichi! I knew you had it in you!” Kaito cheered as she slapped Shuichi on the shoulder. “Hey, waiter! Get my friend over here another drink! He needs one!”

“Th-thanks, Kaito… you’re too kind…” Shuichi said with a burp, his eyes full of dread as the next glass of bear was slid across the table towards him.

“No problem, Shuichi! What are friends for!” Kaito replied before chugging before clanging his own glass of beer against Shuichi’s and chugging it down as fast as he could.

Shuichi continued to reluctantly drink with Kaito and his friends for roughly an hour, downing two more beers as he struggled to keep up with anyone’s conversation. By the end of his third drink, Shuichi was already starting to feel a little woozy.

“Hey… Hey, Shuichi…” Kaito leaned against Shuichi’s shoulder and pointed across the room. “Do you see what I’m seeing?”

Shuichi looked where Kaito was pointing and saw a woman sitting on a stool at the main bar, sipping a pink piña colada. She had long black hair tied into pigtails with purple highlights on the ends, a white dress that was made to look like straight jacket, a small but noticeable bust, a checkered black and white bandana tied around her neck, white stockings, and white boots with fuzzy white trim around the top. At the moment, her grey eyes were looking somewhat bored at the fruity drink she was holding in her hand.

“I, uh… see a woman?” Shuichi replied to Kaito.

“No, what you see… is a babe!” Kaito counted. “A hot babe sitting all alone. She must be so lonely. Now’s your perfect chance to get a date!”

“Wuh!?” Shuichi gasped. “B-but… I don’t know what to do! I don’t know if we like the same things, or if she’s into guys like me, or what her name is!”

“Don’t worry, man! The best way to find those things out, after all, is to go over and ask her!” Kaito winked at Shuichi and helped him get out of his seat. “Just go over there, let her know you’re interested, and wing it!” Kaito pointed Shuichi towards the woman at the bar and shoved him forward. “And don’t come back until you’ve got her number!”

“Ah!” Shuichi gasped as he stumbled forward, his **** state making it incredibly difficult to regain his balance. He ended up having to catch himself on the bar, landing him right next to the black-haired woman and earning a side-eye from her in the process. “Uh… hello there.”

“Don’t bother me right now, bitch,” the woman in the white dress replied before taking another sip from her drink. “I’m off-duty, so go bug someone else.”

“Uh, okay.” Shuichi turned around to leave, but the expectant looks on Kaito and his friends’ faces sent him back to the bar. “Er, I mean… but I want to get to know you.”

“You do, eh?” The woman glanced back and saw the table full of Shuichi’s drunken coworkers as well.

“Yeah, I was hoping we could hang out a little and maybe… have some fun?” Shuichi suggested. “Oh, and you do own a cell phone I can call, right?”

“Fun, huh?” Shuichi couldn’t tell if it was his anxiety or something else, but he felt himself growing even more scared as a smile appeared on the woman’s face. “Well, why didn’t you just say so? Have a seat, pal! What’s your name?”

“S-shuichi Saihara,” the office boy stammered as he pulled himself up onto the barstool, shocked that this woman was giving him a chance. “And you are…?”

“Haiku Moicok, at your service~” the woman in white replied, crossing her legs and turning to face Shuichi. “So, you said you were curious about me, right? What an adorable little scamp you are! I don’t normally answer questions, but since you’re so cute, I’ll make an exception just this once. What do you want to know?”

“Well…. What do you do for a living?” Shuichi asked, deciding to start simple.

“Oh, you know, I’m just a humble master thief,” the girl replied casually as she looked at her black fingernails. “Breaking into museums, stealing diamonds and artifacts, you know, that kind of thing.”

“Y-you steal!?” Shuichi nearly fell off his stool in shock.

“Yeah, but that’s what I do on the side. It’s more of a hobby than anything else.” Haiku lowered her hand, looked Shuichi in the eye, and smiled. “My main job is actually leading my gang.”

“You… can’t be serious,” Shuichi said, trying his best to laugh it off.

“Oh, I’m completely serious,” Haiku replied, still smiling happily. “I’ve broken fingers, arms, hands, blown up buildings, dealt ****, sold people into slavery, the works. Oh, and of course I have an army of loyal minions who answer to my beck and call. So, don’t make any sudden movements or my bodyguard behind you might freak out and break your neck.”

“Wha!?” Shuichi moved to turn around, but the proclaimed gang leader in front of him held him in place.

“Hey, what did I just say?” Haiku scolded. “Don’t worry, Gunther, I’m letting this one live! For now…”

Shuichi began to sweat bullets and felt even more dizzy than before. Part of him knew that the woman was likely lying, but that was hard to believe when the rational part of his brain was currently drowning in ****.

“So, what else would you like to know?” the self-professed gang leader asked.

“Uh… are… are you single?” Shuichi asked next, hoping to **** the last question from his mind.

“No,” Haiku replied curtly. “No, wait, my last boyfriend got run over by car. Wait, never mind, that was my boyfriend before my last boyfriend. My last boyfriend bored me, so I locked him in a cage with some wild dogs. Or, did I just burry that one alive? Ha, I go through so many boyfriends that it’s hard to keep track!”

Shuichi was sweating even more now and desperately fighting the urge to run, but an encouraging thumbs-up from Kaito nearby kept him from fleeing.

“Man, do my boyfriends have bad luck… but maybe you’d be different. After all, you were lucky enough to catch me when I’m single~” Haiku continued. “I’ll tell you what; if you prove that you can be good boyfriend material, then I’ll give you my number and a kiss for the road. How does that sound?”

“R-really?” Shuichi gasped, perking up at the mention of her number.

“Yep! All you have to do to get it… is kiss my boot,” Haiku said as she wiggled her right foot. “Don’t worry, I probably haven’t stepped in anything nasty today. And, if you kiss it good enough, I might be motivated to give you something more than just a kiss~”

Shuichi trembled but the expectant looks of his coworkers drove him onwards. So, he got off his bar stool, onto his knees, closed his eyes and slowly brought his mouth towards the woman’s boot. But, just before his lips pressed against her rubber soul, Shuichi felt his hair suddenly become drenched by a cold, fruity fluid.

“Ahahah! Oh my god, I can’t believe you actually went that far! God, you really are pathetic!” Haiku laughed maniacally as the last of her piña colada dripped out of her glass onto Shuichi’s scalp. “I wouldn’t even give you my number if you paid me! Now run back home with your tail between your legs, you limp-dick loser, before I call the bartender over and have him kick your ass! Toodles~”

Shuichi, shaking even more now, slowly stood up from his spot as Haiku kept laughing and made his way back towards Kaito’s table.

“Aw, shit, man… I’m sorry that didn’t work out,” Kaito said apologetically. “I should have known she was trouble just by looking at her.”

“It… it’s fine,” Shuichi insisted, still dripping **** onto the floor. “Y-you win some… you l-lose some, right?”

“Dude, are you… crying?” Kaito asked, concerned.

“I-it’s just juice in my eyes.” Shuichi hastily turned around and began wiping his face with his arm. “I-I just remembered th-that I… have an appointment! S-see you next w-week!”

“Shuichi!” Kaito extended a comforting hand towards Shuichi’s shoulder but the soaking boy ran outside before his hand could touch. Kaito ran out after Shuichi, but he was nowhere to be found on the dark city streets. “Dammit!”

Shuichi was definitely not having a good time.

After stumbling his way through the city, Shuichi was eventually able to find his convertible a few streets away, where he crawled into the back, curled up into a ball, and sobbed softly to himself. He was tired, cold, drunk, confused, humiliated, and feelt like absolute garbage. He felt like such an idiot for ever trusting such a suspicious girl, but he hated himself even more for letting his colleagues down like that.

“Will they still talk to me after that? Will they even let me stay in the same office after that?” Shuichi wondered deliriously to himself as all his confidence seemed to drain from his body. “I… I should get out of here… before I bother them some more.”

Shuichi slowly pulled himself into the front seat of his car and reached for his keys, slotting them into the car and turning it on. He would have driven home right then and there to sleep his sadness away, but for some reason he couldn’t get his vision to focus, not even on the steering wheel right in front of him.

“D-darn it… I’m too drunk to drive… and I can’t risk my coworkers seeing me on the bus.” Shuichi swore under his breath. “I need to sober up somehow. Maybe coffee? But… what café is even open this late?”