Morning after blues.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” the cry of a vaguely Australian sounding girl stirred John from his sleep.

John’s eyes flickered open to see a caramel haired fairy standing over him, wearing an expression of utter disbelief. “Do the two of you lovebirds really think now is the time to be rutting about like pigs in a goddamn pen?” Saccharine continued, gesturing around the shabby watchtower bedroom.

Beside him, Red stirred from her slumber, opening one eye and smiling at John before turning to Saccharine. “What time is it?” she asked groggily.

“Five in the mother fucking morning,” Saccharine replied. “So, what the fucking balls are you both still doing in this goddamn barrier?”

“Does Pa know?” Red asked as she sat up and leaned against John, the crimson cloak that had covered them both falling to her lap and revealing a body marked with several bites and scratches of their passion.

Saccharine raised her brow at the blemishes but otherwise said nothing on the subject. “He will once you fail to make an appearance for breakfast. So come on, we still have time to get you back and cleaned up.”

“I’m not going back,” Red said firmly wrapping her arms around John and kissing his neck to show exactly where she wanted to be.

“Well, look at the two of you: all fucking smiles. Young love is cute and all, but you’re insane. Both of you. Fucked. Do you have any idea how deep in shit you’ll both be in? Balls fucking deep in a pool of diarrhetic orc shit. You,” Saccharine pointed at John, “will be wanted dead with a side of ****, and you,” her finger moved to Red, “the first thing daddy’s gonna do when he gets his claws back in you is to beat and fuck you into submission.”

John clenched his fist, the thought of such a thing happening causing a bitter bile to bubble up in the back of his throat. “I won’t let that happen,”

Saccharine snorted as she stifled a laugh. “As you are now? There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell you’ll beat Vulpis.”

“I’ll get stronger.”

“You don’t have the goddamn time to! So you better think of a god tier plan or you are Fucked.”

John buried his face in his hands, knowing very well the predicament he’d fucked himself into. His only solace was that he’d done it by choice… and with someone that had come to be dear to him. Saccharine was right, however: he needed to think of a plan. John thought back to when Frank was the biggest problem he faced. ‘Man, those were the days,’ reflecting wryly on how the Saturday detention had become the least of his concerns.

“John…” Red voiced softly, searching for comfort in his eyes. “Do you regret what we did?”

“Not in the slightest,” he replied, proving it with a tender kiss.

Saccharine rolled her eyes and huffed loudly after mumbling some profanities about John along the lines of him being a cumstain and such.

Eventually, Red stood up and stretched in the early morning light that filtered through the watchtower window. “How were you even allowed to come looking for us?” she asked the fairy.

“Gran,” Saccharine replied, sitting on the bedside table and swinging her tiny legs in the air. “She asked me to watch over you if you went after John, so it looks like I’m coming along for the ride.”

“What about Gran, somebody needs to look after her!” Red insisted. “You owe it to her, remember?”

“I know,” Saccharine replied easily. “But she explicitly ordered me to look after you. Besides, Vulpis might be a massive cunt, but he loves his mommy and wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. She’ll be looked after just fine.”

Red seemed to accept this as fact, and so she turned her attention to locating her underwear which had been strewn across the floor the night before. John, for his part, just equipped his clothes before helping her collate a few missing articles. As Red was clipping on her bra, a wide smile spread across her face, paired with an amused grin. “I guess this means you’re gonna have to join the party, Saccha!” she proclaimed.

“The what?” Saccharine eyed them both warily.

John answered by way of sending the party invite, amused that the window was as big as the dessert fairy. “What the blimey fuck?!”

“Not far off my reaction…” Red giggled. “It’s okay, just accept it.”

Saccharine wavered momentarily before clicking yes, and moments later, John saw her name appear in the field of his vision underneath Red’s.

“Why am I now seeing a game-junkie’s goddamn wet dream?” Saccharine asked, glaring at the hp and mana bars.

“I guess that would be my influence,” John replied. “To put it simply, I have video game powers. Since you joined the party, you’re able to see the party’s condition.”

Saccharine seemed to ponder this for a long moment. “I’ll admit, it seems… practical. I can look after Red better this way,” Saccharine relented before mumbling about how the stupidest people always seem to get the coolest powers.

Now fully dressed, Red waltzed over to John and sat on his lap, looking for some affection. John obliged, of course, but curious to see where they now stood, he also cast Observe on her.

John felt his heart skip a few beats as a giddy feeling began to bloom in his chest. What they had was real, and the joy that reassurance brought him couldn’t be understated. It was as he closed the window that he noticed that he’d earned a few more achievements after their wild night together.

Achievement Unlocked: “How would you like me?”
Sleep with a shapeshifting creature.
+1 Charisma
+1 Libido

Achievement Unlocked: Sowing the seeds
Congratulations. You’re gonna be a daddy! You better start working on your dad-joke game.
+1 Charisma
+1 Libido

Achievement Unlocked: Mixing the gene pool
Get someone from a different species pregnant. You must have some pretty potent seed. Well, technically you haven't just yet but I am omnipotent.
+1 Libido

Achievement Unlocked: Wholesome being
You managed to get every stat to at least 20.
+1 stat point

“Ehm… Red,” John gulped, finding his throat abruptly parched. “We, uh, need to talk.”

Red frowned at John’s sudden nervousness. “What?”

John eyed Saccharine, who gave him the finger. “I’m not going anywhere buddy,” she said bluntly.

John sighed and turned his focus back to Red. “I just found out you’re… pregnant.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” the Dessert Fairy groaned, her exclamation trouncing Red’s small gasp of surprise.

Red placed her hand over her stomach in wonder before staring at John intently. “W-what do you think we should do with it?”

“What the fuck do you mean do with it? Neither of you are ready to be parents! Especially not when you’re about to be on the run for fucks sake,” Saccharine cut in before John could answer.

Her argument was a strong one, and John’s fear of being a father latched onto it like a lifeboat. “I… think Saccharine’s right,” John said carefully, stepping towards Red to wrap her in a comforting hug. “There’s too much risk chasing us right now.”

A long silence fell over the room as Red said nothing, simply burying her face in John’s chest and holding him tightly.

“Well… I’ve said my piece, I guess I’ll give you two some space,” the Dessert Fairy mumbled, hopping off the dresser and flying downstairs.

“Red? What are you thinking?” John asked as tenderly as he could after another long minute of silence, gently caressing her golden-blonde hair.

It took Red a moment to answer. “All… all I can think about his how good it would feel to stick it to Pa, a child that’s not his. But that makes me feel so guilty… because that’s so unfair on the child… and on you.”

“I don’t blame you,” John admitted. “God knows what I would have done in your place, but… you’re so strong, putting up with Vulpis for so long. After what he’s done to you and your family, I’m all for sticking it to your dad, but having a child isn’t the right way to do it…” John rambled, mentally berating himself for being so terrible at this ‘relationship’ thing and feeling powerless as he struggled to find the words to emotionally support Red. “But I want to be there for you, Red.”

Red looked up to him, her wet eyes wide open and a blush to her cheeks. She said nothing, but as she went to kiss John, her message became clear. She felt the same way. Their kiss was slow and intimate, their tongues transmitting unspoken feelings to each other with every touch. By the time they parted, Red was smiling again, a warm fire burning in her eyes.

“Thank you, John,” Red whispered, nestling her head against his chest. She hugged him contently for a few seconds, before gently pulling away. “We’ll have to buy an ECP, then,” she sighed, a touch of regret to her voice.

“Okay. We should be able to pick one up soon,” John said, turning to the staircase. “C’mon. Let’s go find Saccharine and get going.”

Red snuck her hand into his and, after collecting the last of their things, headed to the exit.

“John?” Red paused him at the top of the stairway, her voice was mellow and her eyes glimmering with a quiet hope. “Do you think… maybe we could try again sometime? Having a child?”

John looked at the blonde girl, wearing her red cloak and a trepid smile, thinking how much affection he’d come to have for her. It seemed insane; they’d known each other for less than a day, yet John could think of no person he’d rather be with. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

The smile Red returned to him then would become a treasure among his memories.