Ed Does Some Good Before Having Fun

Ed thought for a few minutes before deciding that he could not really enjoy his new perversions if the world died around him.

He wrote, “World leaders are currently making agreements that will end human-made global warming. Renewable energy will become increasingly popular worldwide over the next year. Temperatures will begin to drop to a healthier level within the next six months. Environmental protection while still trying to advance will become a natural part of global culture.”

As soon as Ed lifted the pen from the book, his phone vibrated with a news notification. Leaders from all over the world were signing on to sweeping environmental protections. Even that selfish sack of crap Donald Trump had agreed to sign.

“I guess now I won’t feel like such a selfish piece of shit when I make changes that benefit me.”

He paced his now-spacious hotel room, wondering what he would change next.

“Ah!”

He wrote:

“Since 1970, female birthrates worldwide have outnumbered male four to one, but I stay male.

All women are bisexual.

It is normal for marriages to consist of one man and multiple women.

The aging of those born since 1970 has slowed so that, after turning twenty-five, they age one week for every year.”

Ed lifted the pen, and suddenly new memories joined his old memories of a world in which bisexual women massively outnumber men, and his body was now that of his fit twenty-five-year-old self instead of his forty-nine-year-old body.

He remembered learning about a comet exploding in the atmosphere above Point Nemo, the spot farthest from land, in 1969. A cloud of irradiated dust spread from that spot above the Pacific Ocean, and it was believed this dust changed all children born in the following years.

‘I’m going to have fun,’ he thought.

Before he made any more changes, Ed drew a diamond as one might find in a deck of cards.