Rory, 28, Stuck in a Sexless Relationship

You park your Bugatti outside your flat. It looks absurdly out of place next to a property that is worth less than ten per cent of its value, surrounded by Fords, Nissans and Volkswagens. That thing is going to get stolen the moment you turn your back.

"I wish my new car had a super powerful security system that only I can penetrate"

You really hope your use of the word 'penetrate' doesn't get playfully misinterpreted there,

Your ring confirms that the wish has been instantly accepted. The vehicle is quickly surrounded by a large, metallic looking bubble. You lightly bang your knuckles and can quickly confirm it feels as hard as steel. You then pull the keys out of your pocket and find they now feature a new button with a small image of a bubble above it. You press it and the shield disintegrates, before once again surrounding your car with a protective layer when you hit the same button a second time. This is fucking awesome!

What's not so awesome is that your long term partner Susannah has seen all of this from the kitchen window and is now marching outside to get to the bottom of whatever the fuck is going on here.

"Rory, are you serious? We're barely making rent and you've bought yourself a sports car? And what the fuck is that bubble thing?"

"It's a security system"

"It looks like it came from a James Bond movie. Honestly, where did you even get the money for any of this? Is it stolen?"

Damn, she is going to be a serious buzz kill for your new found wishing powers.

Still, you resist the urge to use them to make the woman you love temporarily disappear.

"I won it"

"You won it?" She raises an eyebrow at you suspiciously "Where?"

"On a scratchcard"

"Since when did you ever buy a scratchcard?"

"This morning"

"Where from?"

"The Post Office"

"So if I went to the Post Office now I could be able to find scratch cards offering multi million pound sports cars as prizes?"

This conversation is really starting to piss you off. Where has the trust in your relationship gone? And why is Susannah constantly thinking the worst of you lately? Does she seriously think you have resorted to car theft now?

"For fucks sake, I've managed to get myself a nice new ride. Can't you be just happy a good thing happened without giving me the third degree? Seriously. I wish you would just believe me when I tell you something"

The ring makes a bleeping noise. Shit, that wasn't intended to be an actual wish.

"Er, okay.." Susannah pauses for a moment before her whole demeanour suddenly changes and she brightens up considerably "Congratulations on your win babe, you've always wanted to drive one of those, haven't you?"

"Er, yeah"

Did that wish just work then? You'd better double check to make sure.

"So, a bit more good news, Suze. I've applied to become the next King of Spain and apparently I'm down to the last three contenders"

"Holy shit Rory, that's incredible!" your girlfriend gushes "So do you think we'll get to live in a palace in Madrid rather than this dump?" she gestures over her shoulder at your humble but affordable home.

"If I get it then yes"

"Fingers crossed then, your Highness. Or should I say su alteza real!"

God, she's really happy about this 'news'. You'd better start backing out of your lie before she goes and buys herself a tiara.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Suze. I've made it to the last three but I'm not expecting to be chosen"

"That's a shame, but it's still a remarkable achievement considering you aren't even Spanish. Whatever happens, I'm very proud of you"

Your partner gives you a congratulatory peck on the cheek. It's about as much physical affection as you can get out of her these days.

"Anyway, where were we?" she wonders.

"You were just admiring my new car, and now we're going inside to have sex like you prmoised" you helpfully remind her "Then you were going to cook me steak and chips as a reward for being such an amazing boyfriend."

"Oh yeah, how could I forget that?" Susannah nods "We'd better go and get down to business now then, so I can have your dinner cooked and on the table before you get hangry."

Okay, you should probably reverse Susannah's unquestioning belief in everything you say before your wishes run out. But, for as long as they are in place, it might be for the best to keep that particular delusion going..