A Thousand More Wishes

Of course, you have never for a moment believed magic could be real. You didn't enter the so-called 'Mystery Emporium' in search of some life altering mystical artefact, but a few cheap giggles. Maybe an ironic gift for a friend's birthday, or an amusing photo to get some virtual laughs. You've never had anything go viral and always wanted to know what that felt like.

Something has seemed strangely off to you from the moment you stepped over the shop's threshold, though, and your logical mind still can't account for it.

For a start, it appears that you are literally the only person in the building. Maybe it isn't that odd that there are no other visible customers in a place as niche as this, but you might have at least expected a member of staff to be manning the store and ensuring none of the junk on display here gets stolen. Some of it is quite pricey, and you feel there must be people crazy enough to pay for it for the business to be viable.

Putting your slight feeling of uneasiness to one side, you explore the aisles and take a few snaps of the shop's wares. It almost resembles somewhere that might sell props for cheap, magic themed theatre shows. All the cliches are here - crystal skulls, large leather bound books purporting to contain magical spells, creepy looking voodoo dolls and - no fucking way - is that supposed to be a magic lamp? These people do realise that Aladdin never even claimed to be a true story, right?

With seemingly nobody around, you can't resist the opportunity to take a funny photo, so position your phone on a nearby shelf, set the timer and prepare to get a shot of you hilariously acting out the part of Aladdin himself.

As you begin rubbing the lamp and mugging for the camera, you are suddenly aware of someone standing behind you. Quickly removing the goofy expression from your face, you turn to find what you assume must be the shop owner standing behind you. It is a beautiful young woman with a classic middle Eastern look both in her physical features and dress style, not that she is wearing very much.

"I was just admiring your lamp" you tell her by way of explanation for your tomfoolery.

"And now you have freed me from it. You must make three wishes so I can return to my home"

Instinctively you laugh, assuming that had to have been a joke, but she remains straight faced.

"What do you mean?" you ask in confusion.

"Just speak your three wishes, please. You must know how this works"

"Are you serious?"

"I couldn't be any more serious!" she sighs "With respect, unless you claim your reward and bid me to grant you three favours that your heart desires, I will spend the rest of my days stuck in this conversation with you"

"Er, okay then..." you decide the quickest way to end this increasingly bizarre exchange might be to just play along with it "I wish I wasn't broke anymore"

"Granted"

"And, er....I wish I owned a Bugatti Tourbillon"

"Granted"

"And, finally..." you pause for a beat "I wish for a thousand more wishes!"

Rule of three. Always end with a joke.

The mystery woman doesn't seem at all amused though, and can't resist rolling her eyes at you.

"Why does everyone think that is such a clever thing to ask for? It is one of the most foolish wishes anyone can make. Nonetheless, I will grant it. However, I have no intention of sticking around to make it all happen, so I will instead leave you with a trinket that will do my job for me"

She steps forward and takes your hand for no more than a second or two. When she releases it, you see that there is a now ring on your finger. You have no idea where she produced it from, or how she slipped it onto you so quickly and smoothly. Inspecting your new accessory briefly, the most notable thing is a slightly crude digital counter on its front that shows the digits '1000'. In your hand is a small sheet of paper. You look back up to address the mysterious stranger.

"So what...."

She is gone. Nowhere to be seen. It is like you are all alone in the strange little shop again. You glance at the piece of paper you found yourself holding. It reads almost like a user guide.

The Rules of the Ring

The ring cannot be removed until a thousand wishes are made.

A single wish cannot directly affect more than three people - including yourself - at once. No world peace or mass destruction.

For the same reason reality cannot be warped.

Your wishes can transform people physically and alter their thoughts, beliefs or personalities, but cannot cause death.

A reversal wish cannot be made for at least 24 hours.

No all encompassing wishes - e.g. "my wishes can never backfire"

Wishes are interpreted by the ring, so choose your wording carefully

Wishes do not need to be spoken, they can be made subconsciously.

If you tell anyone about your power, they will not believe you, no matter how much proof there is. Anyone witnessing or experiencing the effects of a wish may be astonished and unable to find an explanation but cannot link what has happened to you or your ring.

When the thousand wishes run out, there will be no further opportunity to reverse any changes that have been made.

You cannot, at any point, use this ring to wish for any more wishes.

What utter horse horse shit!

You crumple the paper up and throw it to the ground. This whole thing has to be some kind of elaborate prank! There are probably hidden cameras around here somewhere so you try to remove the ring immediately, lest anyone watching thinks for even a moment that you have been taken in by this shit.

Great - it won't fucking budge. You'll have to sort that out when you get home.

For now you retrieve your phone from the shelf where it had been placed before everything took a turn for the weird. As you pick it up you notice an alert from your bank to inform you of your latest balance. That's odd, as you didn't think that was due until the end of the month, which is still a few days away. Those alerts normally depress you, but this one is just confusing. It is claiming you have gone from being a couple of thousand in debt to several thousand in credit since the last time you dared to view your finances, which doesn't make any sense. You log into the app and that is indeed your new balance, as of a few minutes ago, though there is no indication as to where the large deposit you just received came from.

You shrug it off as an error that will sadly but inevitably correct itself further down the line, and nothing to get excited about, as you make your way to the store's exit. As you step back onto the street, you can hardly believe your eyes when you see what is parked directly in front of you.

No fucking way!

A sleek black, brand new Bugatti Tourbillon. That definitely wasn't there when you entered the store, there is no chance you wouldn't have noticed it. You are sure you have never seen anything that expensive parked anywhere in your town before. Almost instinctively, you reach into your jacket pocket and pull out the keys for it. You press down on them and the car makes a satisfying bleeping sound as the headlights flash and the door slides open. After hesitating a moment to confirm the actual owner isn't about to come running down the street to stop you, you climb into your new sports car and put the key in the ignition.

As you drive home in your multi million priced vehicle, having arrived in town by bus, and reflect on finally having a bank balance which is healthily in the black, the reality of this all starts to hit you. Both of your wishes came true, and now you have another thousand of the fuckers to use however you please! This is surely the best thing that has ever happened to anyone.

You wish out loud for a celebratory burrito. Your ring makes a pinging sound and the counter moves down from 1000 to 999, then the savoury snack appears on the passenger seat next to you. You pick it up and take a bite - it's cheese and beans, but tastes like endless possibilities! You laugh out loud at the beautiful absurdity of it all. This is going to be so fucking amazing!

There were some rules to this thing though, weren't there? Perhaps you should quickly turn your new car around and see if you can retrieve them?

Nah, fuck it. You're sure it will all be fine.