The first contestant is...

Athena stands at the edge of the table, almost letting herself become part of the background. Around her the kings and generals are shouting over each other, her promising understudy is desperately trying to keep the peace while at the same time doing his best to explain his plans. Of course she could tell them how to win this war. However, in her human form, they would not listen to her. Besides half the fun of teaching a mortal the intricacies of strategy is seeing them fail to implement any of it.

The plan her current project has devised is a decent attempt at a thought-out strategy, however crude it may seem to her. Against a more dangerous adversary his exposed lines of supply might prove catastrophic. But seeing as the enemies he would be facing are also mere mortals, Athena has her doubts about their ability to recognize, let alone exploit that weakness.

As the discussion moves on from the military strategy and towards petty political squabbles about who should be controlling which part of the army and how the loot would be distributed Athena decides to leave them to their own devices. As soon as she closes the door behind her and is sure that no one else watches close by, she relaxes.

As her mortal form melts away it is replaced by a tall woman, with sharp grey eyes. Her body is that of a warrior with hard, lean muscles, and scarred hands. Her black hair is cut short as to not allow any potential adversary to grab it. Her toned chest is covered by a thick metal plate that also protects he shoulders and back. Her legs and arms are similarly covered in metal. A large owl flies onto her shoulder and looks around vigilantly. In one of her hands a spear materializes, in the other a bronze helmet appears. Before walking away, she pulls the helmet over her head, as she had done many times before.

This time, the helmet seems strangely too large, sliding down too far and covering her eyes. As she tries to lift it, she finds it impossible, even using all of her strengths. To make things worse she starts getting dizzy. Out of the corner of her eyes she can see letters forming on the inside of the bronze helmet. She feels herself growing weaker and weaker, as the letters become more intense and clear. The last thing she sees before falling **** is the word σοφία in glowing red letters burning itself into the bronze of her helmet.

“Please welcome, the powerful, the intelligent; It is Athena, Goddess of Wisdom, both namesake and patron of the City of Athens.”

Suddenly the helmet seems to fit as perfectly as ever and finally she is able to see again. In front of her, in the centre of the amphitheatre she sees an old man, who is introducing her. He is standing next to a chair, on which another man sits, though that one is dressed quite strangely.

“What is the meaning of this?” Her voice echoes through the arena.

The old man smiles. “You have been selected to take part in this season of Harem Hotel, where you and a selection of other candidates will compete for the master’s affection.”

“I will not be part of a harem for you, Imp!”

“Oh, not for me, no. I am just a humble storyteller. No, you will be a part of his harem.” He points to the strangely clad man. “May I introduce him, he is Chris Morborough, your future master. And even though he knows everything about you already, I think it would be prudent of you to introduce yourself for the audience’s sake.”

“How dare you give me commands? Do you not know what happens to those…” In the middle of her sentence, she suddenly stops and instead starts speaking in a much calmer tone: “I am Παλλὰς Ἀθηνᾶ, though most simply know me as Athena. I am the goddess of wisdom and strategy and the patron goddess of Athens. I have never been involved in any romantic or sexual relationship of any kind. One fun fact about me is, that I was born from my father’s head”

After a moment of silence Chris, for the first time since her arrival, raises his voice: “Excuse me, Athena? Are you trying to get me killed? You know what happens to people who anger Greek gods? Why am I even asking, of course you do, what were you thinking?”

The old man giggles. “Relax, did you forget who I am already. I made her, she can’t hurt you. She is a character, that I brought to life. Yes she has a certain autonomy, but if I don’t want her to, she can’t actually harm you. So worst she can do is maybe slap you around a bit, but that also wouldn’t be wise on her part”.

“Irreverent fool”, the goddesses’ voice booms angrily, “I will kill you and curse your entire family. For generations your children will not know peace, and they will be hunted by man and beast alike”

Homer looks unimpressed. “You will sit down and wait until I am done introducing the contestants and then you will compete as hundreds of others have before you and hundreds of others will do after you. And do so without any more excessive, empty and frankly unnecessary threats.”

Athena’s body starts moving against her will, walking over to Chris and sitting down next to him, in the sand. She tries to fight against it, tries to curse the storyteller, tries to access her godly powers, but it’s useless. In the end she is a passenger in her own body as it pilots itself next to the master.

For his part Chris is similarly helpless, unable to intervene. “Please believe me I have nothing to do with this. When you dispense your punishment, consider that I am not here of my own volition and have mercy on me”

“Shut up mortal, you have not yet earned the privilege of talking to me. As soon as this temporary condition wears of, I will kill this old sack. Then and only then may you pray for mercy, and I will grant as much or as little of it as I please.”

Before she can go on Homer intervenes once again. “Well this is rude and of course you will be punished for that, but right now all that would mean, is flashing a random number in front of your face, that neither of you know the meaning of and since I don’t want to explain it six times, you will have to trust me when I say, that you don’t want to threaten or insult dear Chris here. If it helps you, I can indeed confirm that he had nothing to do with anything and is just as clueless as you. Now I know you won’t be able to help plotting my demise, but what do you say you do that inside your head, instead of out loud, huh?”

Chris is not sure whether the contents of what Homer just said or the condescending tone is worse, but he can clearly see that Athena is in no way calmed down. But as she opens her mouth for another tirade, not a single word comes out.

“Ah, I enjoy her temper, but in this specific circumstance we need her to be at least somewhat quiet. So I, for the lack of a better term, muted her”, the old man explains”, I will let her talk again, when she has something productive to add or when she wants to apologize. Or if whatever she says is entertaining to the audience of course. And no need to be this subservient to her. You are the master; she is one of your future concubines. Once again, I want to stress that she isn’t and will never be able to make true on her threats.”

Ignoring Chris’s decidedly not reassured facial expression, the old man continues: “Now with contestant number one introduced and silenced already, please welcome, the unsung Hero of the Trojan war….”