If I phrase a question like that, the answer is probably “no”

You lay in Tammy’s bed with your eyes closed, Tammy on your left and Molly on your right, listening to them breathe slowly in the dark bedroom.

Maybe it’s the stamina booster you bought earlier today (or… yesterday? Is it past midnight?), but something’s bothering you and you don’t feel like you should sleep just yet.

What’s bothering you the most is that you’re not sure what’s bothering you, which is always aggravating. Whatever it is, it didn’t stick out while you were actually fucking Tammy and Molly, but now that they’re asleep, you don’t have anything else to focus on. Maybe if you recap the day…

The morning was – well, the morning was super weird because you and Tammy and Molly were all basically tiptoeing around each other sexually, but that’s all resolved now. Meeting Sigrid was so much fun. Seeing what’s left of your apartment was sad, but that’s not it. Finding out Eleanor has been crushing on you was great, and it felt good to help rescue Banana. Maggie and Belinda were really nice and you’d like to see both of them again. It still bothers you a little that you have no idea why Janine the locksmith dislikes you so much, but it’s not like you need to go back there and do business with her ever again, so that’s not it either. The key lime pie was delicious, and your threesome with your sister and your niece was absolutely incredible – holy shit, you got three (four?!?) blowjobs in a single evening, and you fucked Molly and came in her while she ate Tammy’s pussy – and it’s unbelievable how much things with Penelope have turned around, but…

No, that doesn’t help. Maybe if you do it in reverse order? Most recently, you showered with Molly… and before that, you had phone sex with Penelope. And before that, you bought the Vast Difference attribute, and before that you showed Tammy and Molly the updates log (which they found super hot), and before that you called Sigrid except she was mostly asleep, and that was while Molly and Tammy were doing a 69, and before that you fucked Tammy and came in her, and –

Your eyes snap open and you sit up.

“Tammy!” you whisper, nudging her. “Tammy!”

She grimaces without opening her eyes. “Jacob, I’m asleep,” she mutters. “We can fuck in the morning, okay?”

“No, I need –”

“Oh,” she says, and rolls away from you. “You’re old enough to find the bathroom yourself. Put the blankets back on, please,” and she pulls a pillow over her head. Behind you, Molly gives a tiny adorable snore.

If you **** Tammy to wake up – if you **** either of them to wake up to tell them about this, and you’re wrong, they might be mad. Even with the I did okay attribute, Tammy still got upset when she was talking about the Stepford thing. But if you’re right, this could be very very bad.

Fuck.

You climb over Tammy – your dick stiffens as it brushes against her incredible ass, but god dammit not now – get out of bed, and tuck the blankets back in over her and Molly. You grab your phone from the bedside table and head out into the living room, closing the door behind you.

First things first, you don’t want to sit around nude for however long this takes, and you did go to the trouble of purchasing new clothes today (… no, it is past midnight, so ‘yesterday’). So, pajama bottoms… t-shirt… laptop… plug in the phone because you might need a full charge…

… and begin researching exactly how Plan B works. Specifically, if it works during ovulation. Because you did some basic reading on mechanisms and modes of action on a whole portfolio of **** a few years back, when you were part of a team doing recommendations on takeover plans for a pharma manufacturer, and you have a weird memory for details, and…

… oh goddammit. Plan B doesn’t work if the woman is already ovulating. And although a lot of the websites you’re finding point out that most women don’t know exactly when they ovulate, so it’s worth a try, the Multiplier specifically told you that Tammy was ovulating when you came in her. And you have every reason to believe it’s right.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

You try to remember exactly how fertilization works – isn’t it a multi-step process where lots of things can go wrong and that’s why there are fertility doctors? So regardless of whether the Plan B didn’t work, it’s been barely an hour since you came in Tammy, so she isn’t –

… she isn’t, is she? You alt-tab into the Multiplier, and check the updates log.

• Penelope Jones: “Do you want me to?” +3/+5/0 (97/97/74)
• Penelope Jones: You’re a LOT better than Eric. +3/+3/0 (100!!!!!/100!!!!!/74)
• Just Like in the Rom-Coms: Got someone to 100 Affection and 100 Love simultaneously! Congratulations! 1200 points awarded.
• Penelope Jones: Told you she wanted to masturbate while thinking about you: 0/0/+6 (100/100/80)
• Penelope Jones: Told you she was masturbating while thinking about you: 0/0/+7 (100/100/87)
• Sticky Fingers: Someone thought about you while masturbating (once per person): 100 points awarded.
• Penelope Jones: Stripped for you and you told her you loved it: 0/0/+3 (100/100/90)
• Penelope Jones: Asked you to suck and bite her tits: 0/0/+4 (100/100/94)
• Penelope Jones: Begged you to fuck her: 0/0/+5 (100/100/99)
• Penelope Jones: Asked you to cum in her: 0/0/+1 (100/100/100!!!!!)
• Happy Honeymoon: Got someone to 100 Lust when they were already at 100 Affection and 100 Love! Congratulations! 1000 points awarded.
• YES! Someone had an orgasm while thinking about you (once per person). 100 points awarded.
• Honeymoon Fireworks: Someone’s first orgasm while thinking about you was only after they were already at 100 on all three scores. 150 points awarded.
• Cream-Filled Popsicle: Had your cock sucked, and came in her mouth (once per person). 250 points awarded.
• Banjo-Filled Popsicle: Had your cock sucked by a second-degree relative, and came in her mouth (once per person). 250 points awarded.
• Coolidge Effect: Had your cock sucked by a woman, and came in her mouth, and had your cock sucked by a second woman, and came in her mouth as well, within less than 10 minutes (once per combination). 300 points awarded.

  ---

Okay, good: there’s nothing about “impregnated your sister” or “fertilized a first-degree relative’s ovum”.

Not yet, anyway.

The Multiplier got you into this, now let’s see if it can get you out. Molly did compare it to a spellbook, after all. You open Affection-Multiplier-instruction-manual.pdf and start searching through the 893-terabyte document.

Prevent pregnancy attribute, you type in the search bar, and get… nothing that looks useful. Prevent fertilization, stop fertilization, block sperm, inhibit sperm, impede sperm, protect ovum, protect egg, block reproductive tract … all likewise.

You glance at your phone, half-expecting that any second now it’ll buzz to let you know it’s too late and Tammy’s been fertilized. Your heart is beating faster, and you feel a tingle on your skin. Your mouth tastes weird. You remember that a little over 24 hours ago, you cried yourself to sleep on this very sofa.

There’s got to be a way around this. You’ve had the app for less than two days! The Multiplier can’t want this to happen to you, can it? Or, well, the people who made the Multiplier, which you suppose is a distinction without a difference.

…

You sort of wish you were back in bed with your eyes closed, because you feel like opening your eyes and sitting up straight again. There’s a word for this feeling, you know there is.

You grab the phone from where you had plugged it in, turn it on, open the Multiplier, and then put the phone down on the sofa next to you.

You take a deep breath.

“Are you a person?” you ask it quietly.

The Multiplier doesn’t answer.

“There’s obviously a mind involved,” you continue. “Or several minds. I mean, you’re a phone app! Those don’t occur in nature! Or you… you emulate a phone app? You present as one? And you… you understand natural language! And… that guy who ran the red light today, that happened just when you needed me to be distracted so you could change the UI and give me the Personal Attributes store! You’re listening!”

Nothing.

“Well… I’m gonna keep going as if you’re a person, just in case. And that means that the first thing I should say is ‘thank you’.”

Still nothing.

“You’ve made my life so much better. I mean, yesterday there was the fire, there was getting passed over for the promotion, I got bullied, I missed the bus, and I had to… well, you’re basically omniscient, aren’t you? You knew that stuff about Shondra’s half-brother that she didn’t know herself, right? You knew how old Darren really was? So you know what a shitty day yesterday – Monday, I mean – was for me. And now I have five girlfriends.”

Tammy and Molly might be a bit concerned with the term ‘girlfriend’, seeing as how they’re your sister and your niece, but you know they’re totally in love with you. And you’re 100% confident that Penelope, Sigrid, and Eleanor would all say “OH MY GOD YES” if you asked them (although you do feel a bit stupid for not having realized Eleanor was crushing on you for however long it was, which raises questions about what else you’ve been missing and GOD DAMMIT FOCUS).

“So… thank you, again. I don’t know why you chose me, I don’t know exactly what it is you want me to do – is this just about me having lots of sex with lots of women?”

Nothing – and then your phone buzzes with a notification, startling you so badly you almost fall off the sofa.

Oh god. Is this it? Did you just get awarded points for “got someone pregnant”? For “bred your sister”? Oh god.

You’re almost afraid to look, but you do get notifications that aren’t Multiplier-related, and if you don’t look now and it’s something else then you’re wasting time, every second you delay is another second that your sperm are swimming their way through Tammy.

You pick up the phone and nervously peek at the screen.

• Barking Biter has invited you to the shared folder: “HER NAME’S NOT HYACINTH, YOU ASS – ferret pics!”

  ---

Oh thank god. You dismiss the notification and try to think.

“Is there any way you could help me?” you ask the Multiplier. “I mean, help me more directly? Tell me what Attribute I need? What keywords to search for? Please?”

Nothing.

“You’ve got Attributes for everything, dammit! You can make my cum rainbow-colored! You can make me better at tying knots or learning languages or washing dishes! You’ve gotta have something that can stop sperm!”

Still nothing.

“It can’t be that it’s too expensive, there was no way I could’ve afforded that Stepford one!”

Nothing. You are painfully aware that you are arguing with an inanimate object, in an apartment where other people are sleeping.

“I’ll spend the points! I’ll cash in all my other Attributes and I’ll spend all the points! Just tell me what to spend them on! Please!”

Nothing.

“I know you’re listening! Come on! What else are the points for!”

…

The word you were trying to think of earlier… the one about the feeling of wanting to sit up and open your eyes… is “EPIPHANY”.

And it’s what you’re feeling again. Because now you do remember what else points are for. There was an option to buy an upgrade to the profile-watching feature so it would have audio.

Which means what you use the points for, doesn’t have to be an Attribute.

… did you remember that by yourself, or did the Multiplier give you a nudge?

(Maybe you’d have remembered earlier if you’d had more time to experiment with the app, but it’s been less than 36 hours since it showed up on your phone.)

“If that was you… thanks,” you say quietly.

You focus on your laptop again and type in:

how can I use my Affection Multiplier points to stop my sperm from getting Tammy pregnant after I already came in her while she was ovulating, assuming it doesn’t have to be an Attribute

(Normally you’d formulate proper search terms, but it is late and you are panicky and the Multiplier understands natural language dammit so probably the Manual does too so stop hassling me about it and you’re not even sure who you’re snapping at)

One result pops up, for something called “QUANTUM SPERM PROBABILITY ERASER”.

You read the description.

Spermatozoa have a treacherous path to follow on their way to the ovum, with many hazards and dead ends. For every 500 million sperm ejaculated into an ovulating woman, less than 1 makes it all the way to its destination. And yet, at the beginning they all had the same chances of reaching their goal in one timeline or another. The external Quantum Sperm Probability Eraser application lets you eliminate the timelines that would lead to success for each individual sperm that you ejaculated into a given woman, via a simple, intuitive, and easy-to-understand touchscreen UI.

Cost: 20,000 points.

Click <here> to load the Quantum Sperm Probability Eraser application onto your mobile device.

You check your points counter: 22527.

You briefly try to do the math regarding how many points you got from Penelope according to the update you read a few minutes ago – could you have afforded this beforehand? Would the price have been adjusted if you’d had fewer points? – but god dammit stop being distracted, the important thing is you can afford the Eraser right now, and so you click <there>.

The laptop shows your point total decrementing by 20,000, and your phone buzzes as a new application installs itself.

You wonder briefly if the Eraser will make your phone look like a tricorder, or maybe a sonic screwdriver.