Aff Tae A brilliant Start

Merida planned to meet up with Mark by the main fountain in town. She got there a bit early not wanting to be late for her first date in many years. How long ago was it? Five years? Och, wait a minute now, there was that yin fella, I went oot on a date tae humour ma mam, that was three years back. Christ, has it really been that long? Ach well, I hope Mark likes the plans, a wee bit like the auld days.

Merida saw Mark enter the square, and called out to him, “Hey, Mark! Ower here, pal!” As she saw him approach she could tell he wasn’t in the best mood, and when he finally got close, she just asked, “Awright, whit's up? It's no' ma gear, is it? Seein' as yer clearly in a foul mood chust now. Honestly, I'm kinda hopin' it's ma gear 'cause that's easy fixed.”

“It’s not your clothes. Those leggings do wonders for your legs by the way.”

“Right, what's the score then? I'd sooner get this dealt wi' noo so it disnae spoil our night. The timescale's pretty bendy, so if we need tae spend half an hour, three quarters o' an hour gettin' tae the bottom o' whitiver the devil's wrang, I'd be willin' tae dae that, like.”

“Just been a long day, so far. Pretty much been dealing with one thing or another since I woke up with no break.”

“Awright... Oot wi' it 'cause there's nae way I'm lettin' ma first date in ages get spoiled by you bein' in a stinkin' mood.”

“Well, since you were rooming with Chloe I assume you know about my fight with Aubrey.”

“Aye, heard ye had a flea in yer lug about shovin' Freya in the Harem tae save ASTRID.”

“Flea in my lug? You know what, it's not important at the moment. Yeah, She was being really insistent about it and wouldn’t really let me say anything edgewise but I was also being a jerk. I’ve been worrying about how to spend my BP so Cassandra doesn’t get to. Freya should have that taken care of thankfully. Then Laura came to talk to me. It was a productive conversation if a bit unpleasant at times. Then I talked with Talia, which was not something I was happy about. Sorry that came out wrong. I like talking with Talia, just I’m not happy about the position she put me in. I’ve accepted it, and I’m not mad at her. Just I don’t like it.”

“Aye, right, that's a fair amount tae chew on. I'm steerin' clear o' the Aubrey situation. I've got some notions for yer BP if ye dinnae sort yersel' oot by the round's end, but that's no' for this very meenit. My guess is Laura cam' tae see ye about Flora and Talia took the offer.”

“You are very well informed. But, Yes. Though the conversation around Flora was more about my actions. I realize I handled the situation poorly. Though as I told Laura I don’t think I was wrong to think there should be consequences in general but we need established ground rules, first. For now I’m letting Freya be the judge if anyone crosses a line and something needs to be done about it. But Laura is going to talk with everyone to come up with a solution that people are happy with. And while those things are bumming me the situation with Talia is the thing really weighing on me.”

“Fair play, I understand, Talia's sorta makin' ye change the very bones o' who she is. That's a muckle o' trust, or maybe chust her bein' too feart tae handle this hersel', bein' dumped in yer lap, effectively. No' a laugh, is it? I ken fine she chattted about it wi' near enough aw o' us. We chipped in ideas, dinnae ken how many she told ye.”

“Pretty much nothing she wants, besides making her like who she will be, and things she doesn’t want messed with. We talked things over but I’m still very much at a loss as to what to do.”

“Well, chust dae whit ye like, then.”

“What?!”

“Just get on wi' it, then. See, I ken this is tough on her, but if she cannae point ye in the richt direction for whit she actually wants changt, then chust change whitiver ye fancy. She's the yin that's makin' ye dae this, and that's no' entirely fair, is it? Dinnae get me wrang, I totally get why she's at it. I reckon if maist o' the rest o' us felt we chust couldnae be intimate wi' ye, we might go doon a similar road. We aw have folk we're keen tae shield. But aye, we aw are willin' tae gie it a proper go. So, dae whitiver suits, I won't sit in judgement, well, maistly. Like, dinnae mak' her a dopey cow or onythin'. But ye want tae gie her a big, juicy arse and massive norks, fire in. She askit you for this, mind. I guess chust mak' double sure she ends up happy wi' who she becomes, and dinnae meddle wi' the things she doesnae want toucht.”

“Really just do what I want… but like—”

“Mark! Gie over bein' sae timid wi' things. It's nae appealing at aw. I'm no' sayin' ye should go forcing yersel' on folk or nothin' like that. But seriously, speak up for whit ye want and if one o' us gie's ye somethin' ye'd fancy, stop ditherin' about it and chust say aye tae the offer. See here, we're aw copin' wi' the situation the best we can. Truth be told, I'm shockit there's no' been mair aggro yet. For me, I think it's chust a maitter o' time. But I aye hope for it tae last as long as possible.”

“I ken ye fancy the idea o' us gettin' changt for yer pleasure, so gie ower bein' such a Jessie about this and enjoy whit Talia gied ye. And if the other lassies gie ye hassle about it? I say, fuck the lot o' them. Talia's shovin' this on ye. It'd be one thing if ye messed wi' stuff she askit ye nicely no' tae or made her fair miserable or somethin'. But even if she had come tae ye wi' an exact list o' ideas tae change about her, I'd still tell ye tae dae at least some o' whit you want yersel'.”

Mark sighed and muttered under his breath. “Maybe Laura’s right.”

“Oi! Whit wis that? Speak up when I'm talkin' tae ye!”

“Nothing important.” He said, shaking his head.

“Oh, no, this is ma time now, and you are goin' tae tell me whit ye chust said. Div ye mind whit I tellt ye about ditherin'?”

“Fine, I said maybe Laura’s right.”

“Aboot…” motioning with her hand for him to continue.

“That I might have a thing for assertive women telling me to do the things I want to do.”

“Aye, that's as clear as mud, that is, if I'm bein' honest. Even when we were youngsters, ye'd go right along wi' whitiver notion I took. I think Allie and Flora are a bit strange wi' their timidity, but I reckon you may still like callin' the shots, as well.”

“Right, feelin' any better now or are we needin' tae head round tae a close and get you a quick gobby tae perk ye up? 'Cause I was sorta lookin' tae save that kind o' carry-on for tonight.”

“Okay this entire conversation is going very oddly you were never this aggressive before.”

“Ach, we were just bairns back then. Naturally, I wasnae like this, no' sae... out there. But it's no' like I havenae devoured a heap o' steamy stories wi' this kind o' plot. Just maistly, it's a gaggle o' fellas daein' for a lassie. I got a kick oot o' them, I unnerstand the attraction o' this sort o' thing. I just always imagin't I'd be standin' whaur you are. But truth be told, watchin' how well oor other lives have went thegither gies me a richt guid feelin' that this is gonna be pure class. Speakin' o' that, I was askin' masel' if we had the same experiences or naw. Did ye happen tae clap eyes on a take on oor weddin'?”

“No, I haven’t, mine have been more… sexual in nature, at least mostly. Though I’ll say I’m fairly certain we aren’t getting memories from just one version of ourselves either. As I’ve seen scenes from I think three different college campuses where we both went.”

“Ach well, that's a wee bit intriguing. Mine have seemed tae stick tae one duo, at least I fancy, but I couldnae swear tae it.”

“I was bein' serious about it afore, if ye need a, pick-me-up. I'm haulin' ye tae the alley and giein' ye yin. Even if I havenae done a thing like that afore, it isnae like it was 'cause I was keepin' masel' for marriage or aught.”

“No, I’ll be alright. Sorry, I’m, so much trouble. What is the plan?”

“Know what... ye're no' exactly talkin' me oot o' makin' guid on that promise richt this meenit, eh?”

“Merida, I promise, I won’t be a wet blanket. Please tell me what you had planned.” Mark really tried to push some cheer into his voice.

“Aye, right, but the first sign o' you lookin' glum and I'm sortin' ye oot. Mind you, I'll say I did mak' a wee bittie change tae the plan at the last meenit. Oreeginally, I had planned tae go shoppin' tae start wi', flaunt some threads for you tae find oot whit tickled yer fancy on ma frame. That transformatin's fine. I want tae look guid for ye, and nou I like it when you look at me, something serious. But wi' whit occurrt yestreen, I'm no' keen on facin' ASTRID at the moment. I figure we could visit Cassandra, Petra, or Maja, but I thocht maybe we should chust gie the area a miss for the day. So if you're no' keen on the plan I cookit up, we can figure somethin' oot, but I kinda thocht we could revisit somethin' like the auld times.”

“I’m fine if you wanted to go shopping, but yeah maybe avoid the stores ASTRID is at but what is it you came up with.”

“Look, nane o' us have really got tae grips wi' this place much. Aye, we've had a daunder around the toon and the shops here. Found a few interestin' things, but I went up tae the top o' The Velvet Tower tae see whit wis aw aroond. Appears like this is an Island, saw a beach on the far side across frae the toon, a few interestin' places here and there an'aw. So I reckoned we might go scoutin' aroon the island ootside o' the ‘designated areas’.”

“I’m not saying no, but that could be troublesome. Cassandra said that there were magical effects everywhere outside of the town. What if we stumble into something dangerous.”

“Well, I very much doot Cassandra wad let onythin' awfu' dodgy happen tae us.”

“I don’t agree. At this point everyone knows what happened with Ellen. Well Cassandra confirmed earlier today my suspicion of what would have happened if I hadn’t shown up and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have intervened either. Ellen would have had permanent consequences from what happened she still might but I don’t know for sure. So the idea that we might not get into something with lasting effects isn’t something I feel safe assuming.”

“Wha' sort o' permanent aftermath?”

“The kind to permanently alter her brain chemistry.” Merida mouthed a big ‘Oh’. “So yeah not sure that is the best idea. I’m not saying no either, but assuming that all we might get into is some wacky hijinks is not a safe assumption. Like there could be a fertility hot spring that both induces heat and makes you hyper-fertile. Just as one example. I don’t think either of us are ready to be parents yet, do you?”

“Bloody hell, no! No way I'm lookin' for bairns this quick. It's no' that I dinnae fancy them, and I reckon I'm no' gettin' any younger, but definitely no, I am not gettin' up the duff on oor first date.”

“So, realizing it isn’t as safe as you thought, do you still want to go through with the plan?”

“Right, whit aboot askin' Cassandra? Like for a plan tellin' us where aught that micht have a permanent outcome is? Like I'm no' agin a bit o' messing about and takin' on a bit o' danger, that's like half the fun o' adventurin'. But I dinnae fancy jeopardizin' something serious.”

“Sure we can ask Cassandra. Cassandra? I know you’re listening. Oh well, sorry Merida looks like Cassandra must be busy. Maybe we should just go to my suite and put on a movie.”

“Eh? Whit are ye on aboot?”

Mark did his best to instill into his voice mock sorrow. “Well I mean, we could go on a nice fun trek through the woods and have some fun exploring, but alas, it is simply too dangerous. And we wouldn’t want the drama that would come from visiting the shops either. It would just be too exhausting, after yesterday. So we should just go back to the suite, watch a very boring movie, have dinner and go to bed, where absolutely nothing of interest will happen.”

“OOOHH, Aye. Absolutely. We must manage oor risks. Wuidnae want tae dae anything dodgy. Or excitin'. Chust a nice peaceful, dead borin' date. A date that nae yin wad be interestit in hearin' about.”

~POP~

“FINE I GET IT! Also YOU. HAVE. A. PHONE.” Cassandra yelled.

“And. I. Have. Phone. Anxiety. You should really be more accommodating Cassandra, after all you wouldn’t want to violate the ADA right? You must know I’ve been diagnosed with general anxiety which is covered under that right? Or are you saying you discriminate against disabled people?”

“Wait a meenit, are you for real ye struggle with general anxiety or are ye chust playin' a game wi' her? Aye, actually, that wad explain a helluva lot.”

“Uh yeah, I do. Actually I’ve been meaning to ask, Cassandra, about my meds?”

“I have magically been giving you them every day, same with any other meds anyone was taking regularly except birth control, unless it was for a medical reason besides preventing pregnancy. There is an option for you to have preventative measures in the BP store if you want them but any contraceptives were dealt with.”

“WAIT WHAT!? AND YOU DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS SOMETHING I NEEDED TO KNOW! ALLIE COULD BE PREGNANT! FUCK! I THOUGHT SHE HAD AN I.U.D.”

“Calm down Mark, Allie is not pregnant.”

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE, TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! The only reason I haven't punched you square in the face is I know I’m not the one who would be paying for it. I’m LIVID with you Cassandra.”

“Mark, I know full well you want to breed all of them, knock them up, have a gaggle of children. So don’t pretend to be mad.”

“I’M NOT FUCKING PRETENDING!” Mark got right up in the diminutive woman’s face. “Yes, I think that’s fucking hot. NO! I don’t want that right now, and I certainly didn’t want it to be a fucking surprise. When I am knocking them up I want it to be because I INTEND TO!” Mark began hyperventilating.”

“Mark,—” Mark cut off Cassandra

“NO! You listen to me Cassandra, you are going to restore all their contraceptives and/or make 100% effective options available for free in the store.”

“I’m not going to do that. Couldn’t even if I wanted to. Which I don’t. Like I said there are options in the BP store you or the girls can purchase to handle the issue. Also, yelling at me isn't going to change anything.”

“It’ll make me feel better.” Mark just sat down on a nearby bench. “Cassandra, I’ve been trying to trust your good intentions, I can tell you don’t actually want to harm us. The show is the show and I understand that. But this was something you should have told us. You keep giving me reasons not to trust you. You keep manipulating us, and it isn’t simply for a more entertaining show. If it weren’t for Freya, I wouldn’t trust you at all. Your words, your intentions, nothing. But Freya has proven trustworthy, and she trusts you. So please start giving me a reason to trust you and fix your mistake.”

“Already told you I can't even if I wanted to. Just buy the options from the BP store; it isn't like you weren’t looking for something to spend BP on.”

“Fine. Please leave Cassandra.”

“What aboot askin' her for the info?”

“Can’t trust it. I can’t trust her anymore. She has a game she’s playing beyond the show and I don’t know exactly what it is but, I’m done trusting her. Cassandra, please leave.”

“Very well, Mark. And I am sorry.” And she vanished.

~Pop~

“Well, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. O' course, it's chust one mair thing, isnae it. How in the hell do aw ma dates end up a catastrophe?”

“Merida, I’m sorry, I still want to do something fun with you, okay. This isn’t your fault.”

“It's no' normally my fault. But things chust keep happenin' where aw my dates turn intae a shambles. That's partly why I gie'd up gaun on them, why even bother?”

“Ye ken whit Mark, I'm pure ragin', no' at you, mind. I couldnae care less if it's reckless, I'm no' lettin' Cassandra bein' a right cunt, ruin ma date. I'm no' lettin' that shitey carry-on yestreen dae it either. I'm finished compromisin'. You are takin' me shoppin', as near enough everythin' Cassandra brocht frae ma wardrobe is yoga gear. Then we are gaun explorin' the island. I dinnae gie a toss whit happens. If we've already lost the plot, micht as well chust embrace the chaos.”

“Fine Merida.” Mark said with a deep sigh. “If that’s what you want.”

“It's no' whit I want at aw. But I dinnae get that, apparently. Nou... I'm pretty sure I telt ye whit was gonna happen if ye got aw dowie. Time tae mak' guid on that promise.”