The Devil You Know

Earlier that day

Talia woke up, and noticed Laura was already gone. We said we weren’t going to meet up for breakfast today, so I’m probably not going to get to really talk with Mark today, again… Which means I can’t confess to him today either. And it doesn’t look like confessing the same thing to the same person works twice.

Talia got up to get dressed and looked in her wardrobe, and sighed. I really liked this top. I know I thought it was stylish, just the right shade of blue, not too snug to be revealing but nice, so I could get a little bit of attention from someone, maybe get asked out on a date. Now I can’t help but think it’s too colorful, why would I ever want to wear something this bright. She started going through and rearranging her wardrobe based upon her new tastes not wanting to get rid of the stuff she didn’t like because of her transformation, just yet. She found pretty much anything not black, red, white or a deep dark color to one side and those on the other.

Great, I'm going to have to go shopping as I hate about seventy percent of my wardrobe now. She wanted to scream in frustration, she even tried to, but couldn’t. GOD DAMNIT! Great another thing to confess. At this rate I am going to hate myself. Hate what I want. Well, I’ll hate more of what I want since I already don’t care for my desires. It isn’t what a person should want. Was this really what Cassandra thought would help? How by making me want these sinful things so bad I just give in? To make me not think of them as sinful?

She pulled out the phone Cassandra had given them and looked at her VP total. Seven points. I can’t expect the other girls to always take a dive for me so I don’t lose VP. If this is really meant to be a competition then that has to mean failing is actually possible even for those actively trying. What more would I even be willing to do that wouldn’t involve losing who I am anyway. God, I want to talk to Mark about Cassandra’s deal. What can I even do here to get points? Hold hands? I doubt that would even get me a point. Even if I eventually desire it because of this transformation I’m not going to be sexually intimate with Mark, until we get married. I’ve barely accepted that I will have to marry him and that he will have other wives, and I’m not happy about it. I also can’t expect him to marry me before Allie, because of my hang-ups. That isn’t fair to either of them. Or for them to just go get hitched sooner for me either.

So what? Either I violate my beliefs, forcibly have them changed if I’m eliminated, make a deal with the devil to have Mark change me to protect my family, or try to do well enough in challenges to make it through, and if I fail I’ll have to violate my beliefs anyway. DAMNIT. She slammed her wardrobe closed. Why, I liked my life. I liked my job, my friends, and my family… She couldn’t help but think about Cassandra’s words right before she was transformed. The main difference between me and the rest is that they like themselves. FUCK. I hate that I know she’s right. I don’t like myself. I don’t like that I want to just have sex and not wait for marriage. I don’t like that the idea of being with Mark and sharing him isn’t that big of an issue for me. I don’t like that, I want to wear sexy clothing. Am I really just torturing myself? Denying things I want. I’ve already decided, haven't I? She pulled out the sheet of paper again with repeated additions, and cross outs. I can’t even come up with anything I’m happy with. She added ‘Self-loathing -> Happy?’ to the paper. I guess I should get changed and get some food, maybe see if I can find Mark before his date tonight. She noticed the clock, 12:30pm. Did I really sleep in that late or was I just moping for that long. Whatever doesn’t matter. She went back to the wardrobe to get an outfit for today. She went to the bathroom to apply some of the makeup she rarely wore. Put on a choker that some guy had given her that she never threw away. And a pair of red earrings She slipped on a black blouse with lace trim and one of her typical pencil skirts. She looked into the mirror. God, I look so different. I would, SO, get yelled at for showing up to a family gathering looking like this. I'm pretty sure I’ve thought of some of my students I’ve seen like this as sluts, heathens, and degenerates. Is this a punishment? No, that isn’t how the Lord works. This isn’t divine retribution or fate or hell. Even If I think of it like that. I owned all these things too. They were my choice. Just because I didn’t normally wear them doesn’t mean I didn’t want to. I just, I never wanted to disappoint my parents. Talia sighed. I’m taking the deal, unless Mark thinks of a really compelling reason not to… Damn do I look good in this. She left the bathroom, picked up her phone, and messaged Mark.

Talia: Mark I know you have your date with Merida soon but could you spare me a couple minutes to talk. Please. Maybe a bit longer. I really need to talk with you, I haven’t had a chance to confess and with everything going on I haven’t had a great opportunity to tell the others either.

Mark: I’m so sorry, I completely forgot about your confessions.

Mark: I’ll be right there, I got some time to talk, Merida wants to start at around 3pm. So you have my attention until then. I’m headed to the carriage now. Where would you like me to meet you?

Talia: How about right by the fountain. We can find someplace to go and talk from there. I don’t really want to do it in my room in case Laura comes back.

Mark: Be there soon.

Talia took in a deep breath, Alright I got this. She then walked out the door.

Talia was waiting by the fountain a bit nervously for Mark to arrive. What is he going to think about what I’m wearing? He’ll probably love it, because you look like a slut. I can’t think like that. Just because someone dresses up nice for a guy they like doesn’t mean they are a slut. I am better than my thoughts just because it enters my head doesn’t make me a horrible person. Talia heard footsteps and turned to see Mark coming towards the fountain. It took him a moment to recognize that it was Talia standing there and when he did he was speechless.

What the hell? Was Mark’s immediate reaction. She was gorgeous, but damn I thought she used makeup to look that good. Okay she probably did somewhat. But holy crap she might be more attractive than Ellen, and she’s a literal movie starlet.

Mark noticed the smirk tugging at Talia’s lips and realized he had been gawking at her for a rather long time. “I’m sorry Talia, I shouldn’t have been staring at you like that. But you clean up really well. So where would you like to go?” She didn’t immediately respond. Mark just waited, confused. Talia put her hands on her hips, and her lips pursed to one side and her brows furrowed in annoyance. “Um Talia? What’s wrong?”

God he can be stupid sometimes. She walked over, put one arm around his neck and pulled him into a kiss, not a chaste kiss, like before but the kind she reserved for when she had a really good first date, and wanted to make sure to have another. “You’re unbelievable, you know that right. Yesterday I said something like two sentences in front of you and you immediately asked ‘How are you talking?’ but here right now after greeting me, I just stand there and I say nothing and you’re like what’s wrong? Like how can you be so observant and quick witted while also being so forgetful and oblivious?”

“You know you are the second person today who has expressed a very similar opinion of me.”

“Well good, because it bears repeating, and then I’m sure you have an answer for me.”

“I’ll tell you the same thing I told them I am a very very smart fool.” Talia was not impressed with his answer.

“That is a poor response.”

“Hey, I got laughter as a response before.”

“Are you sure they weren’t making fun of you?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

Talia looked at him with suspicion, “Okay, so it was Laura then. What did you two talk about?”

“I didn’t say it was Laura.”

“Yeah, you didn’t have too. Now…” She interlocked her arm with his, “let’s find some place for lunch. And spill, what did you two talk about?”

“A few different things which you can ask her about later. Let’s find a place to get some food and talk about the things you actually wanted to talk to me about. If we have time after, we can talk more.” They decided to just go to the nearest restaurant in town. “You know it is still odd, to me, that there aren’t any workers at any of the stores besides the boutiques and BP shop.”

“I just chalked it up to magic. Are there normally workers? I mean on the show for stuff like meals and what not.”

“Most of the time, at least most of the seasons I’m aware of. Sort of expected little fairies, maybe a set of dwarf brothers or small woodland critters. Something for the fairytale theme, but nothing.” They ordered Lunch, and while waiting for it to show up Talia gave Mark her confession.

When she finished she said, “Well darn. I was afraid of that.”

“Afraid of what?”

“My transformation, the growth turning me goth and making me like the thoughts more. Confessing doesn’t revert the growth. It stops it. Meaning this,” Gesturing to her current attire “Is my new normal.”

“Well, this isn't probably what you want to hear right now, but I like the way you look a lot.”

“Thank you, you’re right it isn’t what I want to hear, right now. But I still appreciate the compliment. Also that brings me to what else I wanted to talk to you about. Which I don’t think you're going to want to hear right now. Unless you can give me a compelling reason not to take the deal Cassandra offered, I am going to.”

“You don’t find allowing me to fundamentally alter you as a person to be a compelling reason.”

“Okay, Mark, I thought about it earlier and here are the options as I see them. One, I get eliminated, and my beliefs are forcefully changed and a loved one replaces me, which is unacceptable, to me. Two I violate my beliefs and agree to be sexually intimate with you. Three I accept the deal to protect my loved ones and have you alter me such that I won’t likely be eliminated for being unable to be with you. Four I try to survive by doing challenges and then either have to willingly violate my beliefs or get eliminated if I don’t succeed. So you need to give me a really good reason not to take the deal, because future TFs will likely also cause me to violate my beliefs, I might as well get some assurances out of it. You even recommend I take Cassandra’s other deal earlier because you thought it likely that, I would get eliminated."

"I trusted you then. Honestly you haven’t betrayed that trust so far. So, I think I’m going to do that again. I’m sorry I couldn’t really come up with a list of stuff I want you to change, but I do have a firm list I don’t want you to mess with.” She slid over a piece of paper with the list of things she didn’t want changed. “The only thing I sort of came up with that I thought I might want you to include is something where I’m happy with who I am and what I think about things and not so conflicted.”

Mark frowned. But he followed Laura’s advice from earlier to actually stop and think to collect his thoughts. “Talia, I understand. I wouldn’t take the deal. I don’t think you should either but I also am not struggling with your emotions. I take it by that comment about being happy means you aren't happy with who you are. I know there were a few jokes in my household growing up Catholic, ‘If it makes you happy it’s probably a sin’, ‘You wouldn’t really be Catholic if you didn’t feel a little guilty’ there were more but I sure you get the idea. Would you say that somewhat describes you and what you’re going through?”

“Not exactly but it’s a good approximation.”

“Fine, Talia. I’ve learned today I’m not completely in control here. I’m not going to begrudge you for trying to take some control back and protect your family.”

“Thank you, Mark. I wish." She sighed, "I wish we had met under different circumstances, that we could have had a normal relationship. But we can’t anymore, can we.”

Mark offered her a sad smile, “No I don’t think anyone back home would call having a harem normal. Cassandra I know you’re listening.”

~Pop~

Cassandra glared at him. Walked over and pulled his phone out of his pocket. And waved it in front of his face. “You have a phone for a reason.”

“And you have my whole life in a file, did you miss the part where many people my age, including myself have crippling phone anxiety. Plus you still come when called. Also please, don’t put your hand in my pants. That's for members of my harem to do.”

Cassandra threw the phone down on the table in frustration. “Okay, so you’re taking the deal Talia?”

Talia looked over at Mark, getting a sigh and a nod in response. “Yes, Cassandra. I accept the deal.”

Cassandra extended her hand, “Okay shake on it. Mark must change ten words to describe you to make you better fulfill a role in his Harem, and I promise I will not bring your family into the show.” Talia looked at the hand and hoped she wasn’t making a huge mistake, and shook it. “Wonderful. Now Mark I am going to give you until the end of Laura’s date night to select the words. I had considered only giving you until the end of Talia’s date but then you would spend all of tonight and tomorrow worrying about it. This way there is a little more than twenty-four hours before the first challenge. Any questions?”

“Yeah a few, are they retroactive? How precise do I need to be, like if a word or description has multiple valid interpretations? And do I need to worry about cascading changes, like if I change one word will it change other aspects of her that conflict with that.

“That depends upon what you pick. But in general the answer is if you want them to be then yes. They will be retroactive. The memories of everyone here on the show will remember Talia as she was though. For precision it will use your interpretation of the word. As for your question about cascading changes, yes to some degree. If you were to say make her Japanese, things that would inherently need to change would, like her hair would change color would change. Depending upon how exactly you thought of it, she might know how to speak Japanese. If you made it retroactive it would either change her family as well or make her adopted, since that would be a conflict that has to be resolved. But it will change as little else as needed but it will change what is needed.”

“Okay, I think that’s it for now.”

“Have fun with Merida tonight.” And Cassandra vanished.

“That’s not ideal but better than I feared it would be.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I was very concerned about all three, the retroactive nature, the precision and the cascading. Because let’s say I switched your guilt for happiness, how many other aspects of your life would change, and which way would they change, like you feel guilty about some of your thoughts and desires right now. Would your thoughts change so you are happy with them, or would you simply feel happy about the thoughts you have, as I know you have thoughts you consider sinful, since I just took your confession, would it make you okay with doing those things? If it did, what else would change.”

“So, did you by any chance come up with anything so far?”

“Well, the top thing in my mind is your wealth.”

“My wealth? Why?”

“Well, not sure if you noticed, but I have nine women in my life now. Most of them want children. Allie, Aubrey, Flora, Sam, and You, I’m all fairly certain about. But I could see Chloe, Ellen, and Merida also really wanting kids. Laura, I’m less certain about. So that’s somewhere between five and like thirty plus kids. We’re going to need a place where we can all live together, that can also house that many people. It will quickly add up to a lot and even if most of you and I are working that is going to get expensive really fast. So yeah I’m thinking of making you like the richest woman on the planet.”

“Can you do that though? I mean does that meet the requirement of making me better for your harem?”

“I think it would, you being rich is a direct benefit to me and the rest of us, without question. It would also mean that neither you nor I have to work ever again, except how we want to, for things we enjoy which would give us more time for each other, our future kids, making our future kids, and the list goes on. So unless you have a problem being fabulously wealthy, I think I’m going to end up choosing that.”

“Ummm, no. I have no problem with that. That is not even something I considered.”

“Well, let’s go over some of the other things I thought of, so I can see what your thoughts are.” So Mark, and Talia talked for a while just discussing options, until Mark needed to leave for his date with Merida.