Aff Tae A brilliant Start

Merida planned to meet up with Mark by the main fountain in town. She got there a bit early, not wanting to be late for her first date in many years. Hoo lang ago wis it? Five years? Och, wait a minute noo, there wis that yin fella, I went oot on a date tae humour ma mam, that wis three years back. Christ, has it really been that lang? Ach weel, I hope Mark likes the plans, a wee bit like the auld days.

Merida saw Mark enter the square and called out to him, “Hey, Mark! Ower here, pal!” As she saw him approach, she could tell he wasn’t in the best mood, and when he finally got close, she just asked, “Awe richt, whit's up? It's no' ma gear, is it? Seein' as yer clearly in a foul mood juist noo. Honestly, I'm kinda hopin' it's ma gear 'cause that's easy fixed.”

“It’s not your clothes. Those leggings do wonders for your legs, by the way.”

“Richt, whit's the score then? I'd sooner get this dealt wi' noo so it disnae spoil oor nicht. The timescale's pretty bendy, so if we need tae spend half an oor, tae three quarters o' an oor gettin' tae the bottom o' whitiver the devil's wrang, I'd be willin' tae dae that, like.”

“Just been a long day, so far. Pretty much been dealing with one thing or another since I woke up with no break.”

“Awe richt... Oot wi' it 'cause there's nae way I'm lettin' ma first date in ages get spoiled by ye bein' in a stinkin' mood.”

“Well, since you were rooming with Chloe, I assume you know about my fight with Aubrey.”

“Aye, heard ye had a flea in yer lug about shovin' Freya in the Harem tae save ASTRID.”

“Flea in my lug? You know what, it's not important at the moment. Yeah, she was being really insistent about it and wouldn’t really let me say anything edgewise, but I was also being a jerk. I’ve been worrying about how to spend my BP so Cassandra doesn’t get to. Freya should have that taken care of, thankfully. Then Laura came to talk to me. It was a productive conversation, if a bit unpleasant at times. Then I talked with Talia, which was not something I was happy about. Sorry that came out wrong. I like talking with Talia, but I’m not happy about the position she put me in. I’ve accepted it, and I’m not mad at her. I just don’t like it.”

“Aye, richt, that's a fair amount tae chew on. I'm steerin' clear o' the Aubrey situation. I've got some notions for yer BP if ye dinnae sort yersel' oot by the roond's end, but that's no' for this very meenit. My guess is Laura cam' tae see ye aboot Flora an' Talia took the offer.”

“You are very well informed, but yes. Though the conversation around Flora was more about my actions. I realize I handled the situation poorly. Though, as I told Laura, I don’t think I was wrong to think there should be consequences in general, but we need established ground rules first. For now, I’m letting Freya be the judge if anyone crosses a line and something needs to be done about it. But Laura is going to talk with everyone to come up with a solution that people are happy with. And while those things are bumming me, the situation with Talia is the thing really weighing on me.”

“Fair play, I understaun', Talia's sorta makin' ye change the very banes o' wha she is. That's a muckle o' trust, or maybe juist her bein' too feart tae handle this hersel', bein' dumped in yer lap, effectively. No' a laugh, is it? I ken fine she chatted aboot it wi' near enough aw o' us. We chipped in ideas, dinnae ken hoo many she telt ye.”

“Pretty much nothing she wants, besides making her like who she will be, and things she doesn’t want messed with. We talked things over, but I’m still very much at a loss as to what to do.”

“Well, juist dae whit ye like, then.”

“What?!”

“Juist get on wi' it, then. See, I ken this is tough on her, but if she cannae point ye in the richt direction for whit she actually wants changt, then juist change whitiver ye fancy. She's the ane that's makin' ye dae this, an' that's no' entirely fair, is it? Dinnae get me wrang, I totally get why she's at it. I reckon if maist o' the rest o' us felt we juist couldnae be intimate wi' ye, we micht go doon a similar road. We aw hae folk we're keen tae shield. But aye, we aw are willin' tae gie it a proper go. So, dae whitiver suits, I winnae sit in judgement, weel, maistly. Like, dinnae mak' her a dopey coo or onythin'. But ye want tae gie her a big, juicy erse an' massive norks, fire in. She askit you for this, mind. I guess juist mak' double sure she ends up happy wi' wha she becomes, an' dinnae meddle wi' the things she disnae want toucht.”

“Really just do what I want… but like—”

“Mark! Gie ower bein' sae timid wi' things. It's nae appealin' at a'. I'm no' sayin' ye should go forcin' yersel' on folk or nothin' like that. But seriously, speak up for whit ye want an' if ane o' us gie's ye somethin' ye'd fancy, stop ditherin' aboot it an' juist say aye tae the offer. See here, we're aw copin' wi' the situation the best we can. Truth be telt, I'm shockit there's no' been mair aggro yet. For me, I think it's juist a maitter o' time. But ay hope for it tae last as lang as possible.”

“I ken ye fancy the idea o' us gettin' changt for yer pleasure, so gie ower bein' such a Jessie aboot this an' enjoy whit Talia gied ye. An' if the ither lassies gie ye hassle aboot it? I say, muck the lot o' them. Talia's shovin' this on ye. It'd be ane thing if ye messed wi' stuff she askit ye nicely no' tae or made her fair miserable or somethin'. But even if she had come tae ye wi' an exact list o' ideas tae change aboot her, I'd still tell ye tae dae at least some o' whit you want yersel'.”

Mark sighed and muttered under his breath. “Maybe Laura’s right.”

“Oi! Whit wis that? Speak up when I’m talkin’ tae ye!”

“Nothing important.” He said, shaking his head.

“Och, no, this is ma time noo, an' ye are goin' tae tell me whit ye juist said. Did ye mind whit I telt ye aboot ditherin'?”

“Fine, I said maybe Laura’s right.”

“Aboot…” motioning with her hand for him to continue.

“That I might have a thing for assertive women telling me to do the things I want to do.”

“Ay, that's as clear as mud, that is, if I’m bein’ honest. Even when we were youngsters, ye’d go richt alang wi’ whitiver notion I took. I think Allie an’ Flora are a wee bit strange wi’ their timidity, but I reckon you may still like ca’in’ the shots, as weel. Richt, feelin' any better noo or are we needin' tae head roond tae a close an' get ye a quick gobby tae perk ye up? ‘Cause I wis sorta lookin' tae save that kind o' carry-on for ta' nicht.”

“Okay, this entire conversation is going very oddly. You were never this aggressive before.”

“Ach, we were juist bairns back then. Naturally, I wasnae like this, no' sae... oot there. But it's no' like I havenae devoured a heap o' steamy stories wi' this kind o' plot. Juist maistly, it's a gaggle o' fellas daein' for a lassie. I got a kick oot o' them, I unnerstaun' the attraction o' this sort o' thing. I juist always imagin't I'd be staunin' whaur you are. But truth be telt, watchin' hoo weel oor ither lives have went thegither gies me a richt guid feelin' that this is gonna be pure class. Speakin' o' that, I wis askin' masel' if we had the same experiences or naw. Did ye happen tae clap eyes on a take on oor weddin'?”

“No, I haven’t, mine have been more… sexual in nature, at least mostly. Though I’ll say I’m fairly certain we aren’t getting memories from just one version of ourselves either. As I’ve seen scenes from I think three different college campuses where we both went.”

“Ach weel, that's a wee bit intriguin'. Mine hae seemed tae stick tae ane duo, at least I fancy, but I coudnae swear tae it. I wis bein' serious aboot it afore, if ye need a, pick-me-up. I’m haulin' ye tae the close an' giein' ye ane. Even if I havenae done a thing like that afore, it isnae like it was 'cause I wis keepin' masel' for marriage or aught.”

“No, I’ll be alright. Sorry, I’m, so much trouble. What is the plan?”

“Ken whit... ye're no' exactly talkin' me oot o' makin' guid on that promise richt this meenit, eh?”

“Merida, I promise, I won’t be a wet blanket. Please tell me what you had planned.” Mark really tried to push some cheer into his voice.

“Awe richt, but the first sign o' ye lookin' glum an' I'm sortin' ye oot. Mind ye, I'll say I did mak' a wee bittie change tae the plan at the last meenit. Oreeginally, I had planned tae go shoppin' tae start wi', flaunt some threads for ye tae find oot whit tickled yer fancy on ma frame. That transformatin's fine. I want tae look guid for ye, an' noo I like it when ye look at me, somethin' serious. But wi' whit occurrt yestreen, I'm no' keen on facin' ASTRID at the meenit. I figure we could visit Cassandra, Petra, or Maja, but I thocht maybe we should juist gie the area a miss for the day. So if ye're no' keen on the plan I cookit up, we can figure somethin' oot, but I kinda thocht we could revisit somethin' like the auld times.”

“I’m fine if you wanted to go shopping, but yeah, maybe avoid the stores ASTRID is at, but what is it you came up with?”

“Look, nane o' us hae really got tae grips wi' this place much. Aye, we've had a daunder aroond the toon an' the shops here. Foond a few interestin' things, but I went up tae the tap o' The Velvet Toor tae see whit wis aw aroond. Appears like this is an island, saw a beach on the far side across frae the toon, a few interestin' places here an' there an' aw. So I reckoned we micht go scoutin' aroond the island ootside o' the ‘designated areas’.”

“I’m not saying no, but that could be troublesome. Cassandra said that there were magical effects everywhere outside of the town. What if we stumble into something dangerous?”

“Weel, I very much doot Cassandra wad let onythin' awfu' dodgy happen tae us.”

“I don’t agree. At this point, everyone knows what happened with Ellen. Well, Cassandra confirmed earlier today my suspicion of what would have happened if I hadn’t shown up, and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have intervened either. Ellen would have had permanent consequences from what happened; she still might, but I don’t know for sure. So the idea that we might not get into something with lasting effects isn’t something I feel safe assuming.”

“Wha' sort o' permanent eftermath?”

“The kind to permanently alter her brain chemistry.” Merida mouthed a big ‘Oh’. “So yeah, not sure that is the best idea. I’m not saying no either, but assuming that all we might get into is some wacky hijinks is not a safe assumption. Like, there could be a fertility hot spring that both induces heat and makes you hyper-fertile. Just as one example. I don’t think either of us is ready to be parents yet, do you?”

“Bloody hell, no! Nae way I’m lookin’ for bairns this quick. It’s no’ that I dinnae fancy them, an’ I reckon I’m no’ gettin’ ony younger, but definitely no, I am no’ gettin’ up the duff on oor first date.”

“So, realizing it isn’t as safe as you thought, do you still want to go through with the plan?”

“Richt, whit aboot askin' Cassandra? Like for a plan tellin' us whaur aught that micht hae a permanent ootcome is? Like I'm no' agin a bit o' messin' aboot an' takin' on a bit o' danger, that's like half the fun o' adventurin'. But I dinnae fancy jeopardisin' somethin' serious.”

“Sure, we can ask Cassandra. Cassandra? I know you’re listening. Oh well, sorry Merida, looks like Cassandra must be busy. Maybe we should just go to my suite and put on a movie.”

“Eh? Whit are ye on aboot?”

Mark did his best to instill into his voice mock sorrow. “Well, I mean, we could go on a nice, fun trek through the woods and have some fun exploring, but alas, it is simply too dangerous. And we wouldn’t want the drama that would come from visiting the shops either. It would just be too exhausting, after yesterday. So we should just go back to the suite, watch a very boring movie, have dinner, and go to bed, where absolutely nothing of interest will happen.”

“OOOHH, Aye. Absolutely. We maun manage oor risks. Wuidnae want tae dae onything dodgy. Or excitin'. Juist a nice peaceful, deid borin' date. A date that nae ane wad be interestit in hearin' aboot.”

~POP~

“FINE I GET IT! ALSO! YOU. HAVE. A. PHONE!” Cassandra yelled.

“And. I. Have. Phone. Anxiety! You should really be more accommodating, Cassandra, after all, you wouldn’t want to violate the ADA, right? You must know I’ve been diagnosed with general anxiety, which is covered under that, right? Or are you saying you discriminate against disabled people?”

“Wait a meenit, are ye for real ye struggle wi' general anxiety or are ye juist playin' a game wi' her? Aye, actually, that wad explain a helluva lot.”

“Uh, yeah, I do. Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask, Cassandra, about my meds?”

“I have magically been giving you them every day, same with any other meds anyone was taking regularly except birth control, unless it was for a medical reason besides preventing pregnancy. There is an option for you to have preventative measures in the BP store if you want them, but any contraceptives were dealt with.”

“WAIT WHAT!? AND YOU DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS SOMETHING I NEEDED TO KNOW! ALLIE COULD BE PREGNANT! FUCK! I THOUGHT SHE HAD AN I.U.D.”

“Calm down, Mark. Allie is not pregnant.”

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE, TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! The only reason I haven't punched you square in the face is that I know I’m not the one who would be paying for it. I’m LIVID with you, Cassandra.”

“Mark, I know full well you want to breed all of them, knock them up, have a gaggle of children. So don’t pretend to be mad.”

“I’M NOT FUCKING PRETENDING!” Mark got right up in the diminutive woman’s face. “Yes, I think that’s fucking hot. NO! I don’t want that right now, and I certainly didn’t want it to be a fucking surprise. When I am knocking them up, I want it to be because I INTEND TO!” Mark began hyperventilating.

“Mark,—” Mark cut off Cassandra

“NO! You listen to me, Cassandra, you are going to restore all their contraceptives and/or make 100% effective options available for free in the store.”

“I’m not going to do that. Couldn’t even if I wanted to. Which I don’t. As I said, there are options in the BP store that you or the girls can purchase to handle the issue. Also, yelling at me isn't going to change anything.”

“It’ll make me feel better.” Mark just sat down on a nearby bench. “Cassandra, I’ve been trying to trust your good intentions. I can tell you don’t actually want to harm us. The show is the show, and I understand that. But this was something you should have told us. You keep giving me reasons not to trust you. You keep manipulating us, and it isn’t simply for a more entertaining show. If it weren’t for Freya, I wouldn’t trust you at all. Your words, your intentions, nothing. But Freya has proven trustworthy, and she trusts you. So please start giving me a reason to trust you and fix your mistake.”

“Already told you I can't even if I wanted to. Just buy the options from the BP store; it isn't like you weren’t looking for something to spend BP on.”

“Fine. Please leave Cassandra.”

“Whit aboot askin' her for the info?”

“Can’t trust it. I can’t trust her anymore. She has a game she’s playing beyond the show and I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’m done trusting her. Cassandra, please leave.”

“Very well, Mark, and I am sorry.” And she vanished.

~Pop~

“Weel, FOR MUCK'S SAKE. O' course, it's juist ane mair thing, isnae it. Hoo in the hell dae aw ma dates end up a catastrophe?”

“Merida, I’m sorry, I still want to do something fun with you, okay. This isn’t your fault.”

“It's no' normally ma fault. But things juist keep happenin' where aw ma dates turn intae a shambles. That's pairtly why I gie'd up gaun on them, why even bother?”

“Ye ken whit Mark, I'm pure ragin', no' at you, mind. I couldnae care less if it's reckless, I'm no' lettin' Cassandra bein' a richt cuint, ruin ma date. I'm no' lettin' that shitey carry-on yestreen dae it either. I'm feenished compromisin'. Ye are takin' me shoppin', as near enough everythin' Cassandra brocht frae ma wardrobe is yoga gear. Then we are go explorin' the island. I dinnae gie a toss whit happens. If we've already lost the plot, micht as weel juist embrace the chaos.”

“Fine, Merida,” Mark said with a deep sigh. “If that’s what you want.”

“It's no' whit I want at aw. But I dinnae get that, apparently. Noo... I'm pretty sure I telt ye whit wis gonna happen if ye got aw dowie. Time tae mak' guid on that promise.”