Yeah, you opened your legs and baby I promised you, but you didn’t notice that my ankles were crossed.

Heidi was objectively a very attractive creature. Between her flawless complexion, her perfectly proportioned hourglass figure complete with a pair of breasts that would have looked cartoonishly large on a shorter woman, and her sexy/wholesome features, totally symmetrical with plump lips that looked cherubic rather than whorish, perfectly spaced eyes, and overall mathematically compliant with the golden ratio, Φ (1.618:1). Her golden hair pulled back from her face in a severe bun, her curves only enhanced by the shiny black leather of her outfit. In a word she was perfect.

Way too perfect.

“Do I have to?”

From the look of shock on her face you’d think that Bob had just proposed a nice light lunch of kitten tartare while sitting on a harp seal upholstered chair and drinking the tears of babies. She couldn’t stop herself. “What?”

“Look, I know I’m probably being an idiot, because you are truly stunningly beautiful, but the honest truth of the matter is that I have absolutely no emotional connection with you.” Bob took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve done one night stands and casual hookups and while they’re fun in the moment when all is said and done, they just leave me feeling empty.”

“I suppose it would be pointless to try to push the point, wouldn’t it?”

“I’m sure you could magic your way into my pants without much effort, but I’m sorry Heidi, as long as I get a choice in the matter, I’m not going to even fool around with you.”

Adelheid had never even considered the idea that Bob would turn her down, but after all her research into his character and background she should have seen it coming. For all that he was broken emotionally, Bob was a serial monogamist. The two biggest hurdles to any sort of enduring happiness for him had always been a crippling fear of being alone and a childlike love of the idea of being in love. This brutal one-two combo had resulted in him barreling headfirst into romantic entanglements that were doomed to failure from the start including two failed marriages that anyone not wearing rose colored glasses would have seen the red flags from. And now that he didn’t have to fear being alone…

“So yeah. I think I’m just gonna go out and hit the slopes by myself, then call it a night.” And with that he turned his back on her and walked out of the lounge.

You think you know me.

It stalked through the halls silently after watching the interaction between Bob and Heidi. Boring simian garbage.

Hominids make as much sense as trying to read Camus in English backwards. Or any Christopher Nolan movie.

It had been brought here for a reason, but had yet to be able to act on that. No matter. It was old and with age came patience if not wisdom.

Such a shame Terry Gilliam hasn’t done anything since 2018.

It’s dark fur rippled as it moved from room to room sniffing at each door and counting the occupants by scent, it’s olfactory nerves so highly tuned that it could identify whether they were asleep or awake.

The one who smelled of both man and woman and the young one were cuddling and talking in hushed tones, the man/woman was encouraging the young one in her pursuit of the Alpha human.

It is proper that the aged should prepare the young to mate. Also proper that the two-that-is-one should be sought for advice.

The two plump delicious ones were in their rooms with the larger sleeping as the (comparatively) smaller was using some sort of chemical on their fur. It would guess Madison Reed Perugia Black if put on the spot, but would not swear to it. After a certain point anything with enough toluene-2,5-diamine smelled the same.

Preening for the Alpha. This is good. But it would ruin her flavor.

The stringy one and the aged one slept in separate beds. Both of them smelled as though they were in heat.

Their Alpha will breed many young. He is fortunate.

The tasty smelling skinny one was touching itself. Its arousal was palpable, like a wall of scent that cling to the great dark beast’s nostrils.

The Alpha seems to favor this mutant. It is defective for breeding stock, yet it smells of lust and sex. Perhaps I will mate with it before consuming it.

It stalked through the halls some more, evading the wandering dwarves and the ogress that regularly fed it. It was its privilege to occasionally be solitary as it was the privilege of all of it kin.

Finally it found a quiet spot away from the hairless apes where the sun would shine once it rose, and there curled up on the floor and began to lick its own crotch. After all it was either that or find a way to watch Time Bandits.

You think you know me.

(Title: “Sexual Power Trip” by Blue October)