Braw!

“That’s a downright braw plan, Beatrice!”, the spunky martial artist gushed. “Yer a bonnie canny lassie!”

“I know”, I responded humbly. Assuming the gibberish Punchy just spouted was positive. Alright, fine. She was a little adorable in a sort of annoying kind of way.

“Ach! I can't wait to see the look on their arrogant faces! We’re gonna UNMAKE the bastards!”

“We certainly will”, I giggled delicately and watched the clock. It was a bit after four in the afternoon. Checking magic vision, the fights are currently in Group G. “Shall we proceed with the first phase then?”

…

..

.

“That is an outrage!”, the excitable Galmon screamed. “You are telling me my matches where all flatulent?”

“Y-Yes”, I said, sniffling. “My poor brother. These vile fiends kidnapped his pet cat and are now forcing him to do their bidding. And they even made YOU out to be the culprit.”

The Sexy-Knight turned an even darker shade of red as she trembling looked at the note that served as my evidence. “That is...no I will not stand for it! This is a trick! A craven’s trick to make me forfeit tomorrow!”

That was naturally a reasonable conclusion to arrive at. Time to ham it up. I broke down crying. “Please, you have to believe me. Please, I beg of you save my brother! Pleaaaaaaase!”

I felt a hand on my shoulder. The valiant golden knight Silvester spartano d'artagan listened to my plea with a stoic expression. But now he scowled. “Please, dry your tears, my lady. I must admit, I deemed the current tournament proceedings queer as well.”

“My Lord!”, Sexy-Knight cried out. “Surely, you must be jesting!”

“In your first fight, your opponent fled the arena, handing you victory on a silver platter. Then your second round was a no show”, the golden knight explained to his utterly shocked squire. “And finally, that Treasure Hunter. I observed her skill in the prior rounds and she is significantly above you. She should not have lost that match.”

Sexy-Knight now started to tremble even more viciously. Well, can't really blame her for that. She must feel complete and utter humiliation right now.

How pleasant.

“T-This is...UNACCEPTABLE!”, the Sexy-knight screeched. “These vile fiends turned an honorable fighting tournament into a grotesque circus!”

It was always kind of a circus.

“I concur”, the third member of this trio of stooges, Moron of the Iron-shield, nodded vigorously. Luckily, he is too dumb to recognize me in my younger form. “I wager my second match was tampered with as well. The mere thought I would have lost against that clumsy witch is preposterous.”

I wish I could kill that buffoon again.

“Massive flatulence and even blaming it on my Lord! I will not abide it!”, the Sexy-Knight howled. “We must get to the bottom of this den of corruption! My Lord! Sir Mueller! Do I have your swords?”

“Well, we don’t wield swords...”, replied Sir Moron with that stupid smile. “But have no fear! We will have your brother saved before dinner! Hahahahaha!”

The golden knight went down on one knee. “By my sacred vow as a knight, I, Silvester Spartano d’artagan hereby decry a holy oath. I will not rest until the blessed light of the Goddess has purged the filth of this city.”

“Thank you! Oh, thank you!” I sniffled. “You have no idea how happy this makes me.”

Yes, Yes! Dance in the palm of my hands, my puppets! CACKLE CACKLE CACKLE!

…

..

.

“That is a most grievous accusation, Sir d'artagan.” It was a cool day, but despite that the official was sweating. He dotted his disgusting bloated face with a handkerchief. “Fixing matches...I can assure you that the Rasheul **** tournament association has done nothing of the sort!”

“And what of that note?”, the knight replied with a voice cold as ice. “Does it not bear the signature of a major shareholder of this tournament?”

The official visibly recoiled. “That is indeed worrisome. Faking a signature like that...we will of course launch a formal investigation into this matter posthaste. You have my word on that.”

“You better make that nowhaste!”, the excitable sexy-knight added. “OR ELSE!”

“I will expect a full report.” The golden knight nodded once and prevented his pet squire from mauling the official. “On that subject, where are combatant Mari Beta and his slaves right now?”

The official chuckled nervously. “It is not as if we have our combatants under constant surveillance! Surely you can not expect us to know what they are doing in their free time.”

“That is a lie”, the golden knight stated with a finality that broke now argument. “Four days past Mari Beta had a tracking spell cast on him. Do you deny it?”

“DO YOU DENY IT?”, the Sexy-knight parroted.

Indeed.

This was the linchpin of my brilliant masterplan. The official was sufficiently taken aback.

“T-that is....that is not information we can divulge. An invasion of privacy like that…”

“Really now?” mused Sir Mueller. “Perhaps we should pay a visit to this Madame Ojou-sama then?”

My, so he can use his head. Maybe I will offer him a position as a door guard once I have my own castle.

“N-No!”, the official gasped. “You can’t!”

“I can’t?”, the golden knights cold eyes grow even colder.

“I mean, please don’t! Disturbing one of our most esteemed citizens! That would be most uncouth! I assure you, that the Rasheul **** Tournament Association will provide you a satisfactory response. All I require is your patience!”

Stalling for time. Well, that much was obvious. Its not like Sir Goldie here could just **** the issue. Although it certainly would be amusing if he tried.

“Very well”, the golden knight gave a curt nod. “But I will suffer no tardiness or malpractice. Should your investigation prove fruitless I will withdraw from the lists by tomorrow.”

“Me too!” Sexy-Knight announced. “My perspiration will not allow this prodigious prestidigitation!”

The official took a deep breath at that. “Of course, we will do our utmost to resolve this by then.”

He almost looked relieved. Well, losing two fighters, one as prolific as Goldie would be painful, but not the end of the continent. I subtly put a hand before my mouth. This witless fool has yet to realize the peril he is in.

“Yeah, count me as another one who forfeits.” A new voice joined the group as the one and only Speed violation Sylphid strutted into the office like she owns it. “I really like this tournament, but what the little cutie just told me is kinda gross.”

“Allow me to protest as well.”

Right behind Sylphid came someone else. Oh my, the legendary Hero Arios Theoman! He was actually scheduled for a fight against Dark Lord Ithere. Probably the most anticipated match up of the preliminaries. Losing out on that would be one hell of a major blow for the tournament.

The official was now white as a sheet and looked just about ready to faint. That made four fighters that could potentially drop out, Three of them fan favorites. Almost half of tomorrow’s matches could suddenly go up in smoke.

I had to hand it to Punchy. She did a decent enough job riling up the fighters while I was busy with Sir goldalot. I will have to give her a cookie.

The poor official took a deep breath as he collected himself once more. “P-Please. Let us all just cool down and...”

“Cool down you say?”

The temperature in the room dropped. From the shadows cast in the office through the late afternoon sun emerged the arguably most frightening foe in this tournament. The Lord of Shadows, Dark Lord Ithere himself. He also held Punchy by the scruff of her neck, who looked like she just entered the reincarnation cycle.

And here I told her she should fetch Asmo. But then again that one would have probably claimed her soul in exchange for helping us.

“Vile fiend!” The golden knight shouted. “Unhand that maiden this instant!”

The Dark Lord answered with a low chuckle. “Calm yourself, Sir knight. I merely decided to take this little pet along for a pleasant afternoon stroll.” He unceremoniously dropped Punchy on the floor who quickly hid herself behind Sylphid. “You are not my prey today.”

Arios stiffened at the obvious provocation. Just as the golden knight, he too wielded a weapon capable of injuring a Dark Lord.

Without paying further heed to the rest of us, the Dark Lord addressed the official. His voice was disturbingly pleasant. There was not a hint of anger or malice in it, as if these emotions where beneath him. “I joined this tournament, to claim supremacy over all. Tell me, human, are you intending to make a mockery out of me’?”

At this point, the official could do nothing but babble. I am pretty sure he soiled himself. But to be fair, he wasn’t the only one. The loud Sexy-Knight was suddenly a lot less louder. Same goes for Punchy. Sylphid on the other hand looked ready to ****(sexually) the Dark Lord.

Regardless of his impact, the Lord of shadows continued. “I declare that this human called...”

“Handsome”, Sylphid helpfully added.

“Handsome”, The Dark Lord repeated. “Will be freed at once. As well as this **** Galmon.”

Through sheer **** of will the official did seem to be capable to stammer out a couple of words. Although the sounded like more excuses.

“Oh, you are refusing me?”, Ithere smiled. “Perhaps the destruction of half the city will make you treat me with the respect I deserve.” He stretched out his hand and a ball of pure darkness formed.

Well, that escalated quickly. Maybe I get lucky and something finally kills me.

“I will have your head, foul creature!”, the golden knight thundered. “Your threats scare none of us!”

“Careful, Sir knight”, the Dark Lord said. “I don’t see your lance with you. Without it, I fear your chances of defeating me are rather slim.”

“I have my sword though”, the Hero Arios responded, reading his beautiful radiant shimmering sword of legends.

The standoff went for a couple more seconds before the Dark Lord relented. “I suppose ending it like this would be rather anticlimactic. I leave the tidying up to you, Sir Knight. However, make no mistake. From tomorrow, this tournament will be bereft of all foul play. Refuse me and I turn all of Rasheul to cinders.”And sure enough, the Lord of Shadows had said his piece, as he casually walked out. Not as effective as his entrance, but his black/red cape fluttering ominously in the wind still left quite the impression.

“His power is immense”, Arios acknowledged gripping his sword even tighter “I will do my best to defeat him.”

“You might as well not bother, hero”, the golden knight spat the last word. “Nobody but I is capable of defeating the fiend. It is the will of the Goddess.”

“My sword Escude is capable of it as well”, the hero replied defiantly, standing his ground. I have to say he does make for quite the fetching figure. Shame he wasn’t in my bracket. I always wanted a hero as my ****. Honestly, that scraggly Mari couldn’t even hope to compare.

“Girls girls, you are both pretty“, Sylphid laughed. “That invincibility shield sure is a pain in the butt though. Can’t really get my hands on that sexy Dark Lord with it on. Aaaaanyways...”, she grinned towards the official. “I do hope you can solve this handsome little problem. Otherwise, things might get a little dicey.”

Phase one of my master plan was progressing nicely.