Sam (♀) and Sam (♂) read Marcie & Gina read "Bad Sex"

"They were fucking warned," Sam (♀) said. "Right there in the introduction. 'There are no good options.'"

"It is a bit of a challenge, isn't it?" Sam (♂) mused. "How do you tear apart a story which is deliberately set out to be about a bad sexual experience, rather than something you can rub one out to? I mean, we're not looking at great plot and characterization, not at that length."

They sat next to one another in the bed, the twin stars of the literary equivalent of catching your date's vaginal piercings in your braces, the laptop open between them. They were twins, in every way that mattered; the same brown hair and eyes, the same slim physique. Only one was male and one was female. The very first choice that any reader would have to make...and even so, they had developed very differently.

Sam (♀) slid a couple of fingers under her panties and scratched at her pussy. The hair had begun to grow out again after her "date," and it itched.

"In truth, not all of the branches are created equal," she said. "I think you got some of the funnier ones, what with the GILF and the fat woman. Although fatshaming is wrong and you should feel bad about it, you pig."

"I still fucked her!" Sam (♂) said defensively. "And I think that was part of the issue, Zeebop not wanting to repeat himself by giving you a fat woman to fuck. How would that work, anyway?"

"Probably with me in a neckbrace after she sat on my face," Sam (♀) gave a slight shudder. "Honestly amazed so few of these ended the night at the hospital, or in jail. I was certain there was going to be some genital mutilation at some point."

Sam (♂) winced. "There was, if you recall, the incident with the DILF."

"Oh, right," Sam (♀) frowned. "But I mean, like, nobody ripped my labia or anything."

"How the hell would that work?" Sam (♂) asked.

"Easier than you think, especially with women who don't clip their nails. Gah, I'm probably lucky there's not a bad sex episode about women with those giant press-on-claws leaving my cunny looking like it went ten rounds getting fingered by Wolverine."

"Comic book reference. Gina will be unhappy," he said with a smile. His eyes drifted down toward where the other Sam's fingers were still in her panties...and not just scratching anymore. "You know, Zeebop might revisit this story at some point. I think one of his ideas would be what if a couple showed up at the door rather than just one person. That would be interesting, wouldn't it?"

"I suppose..." Sam (♀) said, her voice trailing off as her mind wandered. Her eyes went back to the screen where Marcie and Gina were still griping through their review, trying to find fault in the deliberately faulty. "It's a trap!" she whispered.

"What would you do if Marcie & Gina showed up at the door?" Sam (♂) said, as he watched his other self. "One domineering, one submissive but bitchy, both a bit younger than you...maybe they'd dared each other to use the Fuckr app, and now they'd gone through with it, determined to have a threesome out of spite or curiosity. How would that work, I wonder?"

"I'd probably start by offering drinks," Sam (♀) said as she licked her lips, hips shifting a bit as she spread her legs, fingers moving beneath the panties. "**** lowers inhibitions, lubricates social problems..."

"Lubrication is a good idea," he said. "Maybe offer to eat their pussies—but no, they'd get jealous. Maybe that's where the evening would start to go wrong."

"I can picture that. I start running my tongue over Gina's pussy...burying my nose in her bush as I let my tongue swirl around and around inside of her twat...and Marcie is there, pants off, rubbing her little clitty and staring daggers and it's all strangely uncomfortable. Not that Marcie has, I think, any problem with Gina getting fucked, but at some point the pressure would be too much...or maybe they'd both want a crack at me. I can picture those two silly cunts squabbling as they try to lick my pussy together, butting heads literally and figuratively..."

Her hips began to roll and her back arched off the bed. Sam (♂) watched his feminine doppelganger as she lost herself in the fantasy of trying to corral the obstreperous duo into sapphic teamwork. The image of literally herding pussies was obviously sending the sexually frustrated woman into far, strange wet dreams...and then she stopped, far short of when he hoped, and stared back at the screen.

"It's no good," she said, without further explanation. "Not Bad Sex material. Maybe some sort of half-assed homebrewed BDSM session involving makeshift bondage gear. Clothespins on nipples, that kind of thing. Although they'd probably enjoy that."

With an edge of frustration in his own voice, Sam (♂) looked at the review they were supposed to be responding to again.

"Why did the My Little Pony Girl have a strap-on?" he asked.

"Because Zeebop didn't want to spring a transexual or a dickgirl, but he did think it would be funny if a lesbian was suddenly faced with a tall woman with a horse-cock strap-on, and that was the scenario he came up with for maximum cringe," Sam (♀) said with bitter finality. "Everyone should just be glad he didn't include pictures this time."

They lapsed into silence for a while.

"It's probably for the best they'll never find the character named Marcie in one of the branches," he said at last.

"Yes," the other Sam agreed. "I think that's for the best. Although I'd be curious what other people think of the other branches..."