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01 Section C

Onto our next segment, top 10. Today we have for you our countdown of the top 10 best implements for spanking a slavegirl. There are a wide variety of commonly implemented tools, but here we break down 10 of what we here at ShittyNews think are the most effective (and funniest).

Ruler - A tried and true classic. Perfect for naughty schoolgirls or measuring how long the red marks you leave are. However, it is a bit boring compared to some of our other entries.
Chancla - In the hands of the right people, a chancla can be the deadliest **** known to man, capable of creating forces so hard they break all known tools of **** measurement we have. However, you, dear viewers, are not those people.
Hand - There's something special about the feeling of hard flesh coming down on soft flesh, eh? Reminds you of simpler times.
Toilet Seat - Originally refrenceed as part of the School of Sex story, the idea of using a toilet seat as a spanking implement is too hilarious for us to not include it on this list. Plus, what else could you want? It's a weirdly shaped, hard, flat surface. It's perfect!
Riding Crop - Some of our readers may be shocked to find such a universally beloved tool this low on our list! However, we believe that there are simply better options, both in terms of pure sadistic pain and in terms of uniqueness.
Tortilla - It's a tortilla all right.
Ping Pong Paddle - It's fun, durable, lightweight, and most people have at least one just laying around. Better yet, every ping pong set is going to come with at least two, so grab a friend (or a robot) and spank away simultaneously!
Electrically Charged Paddle - Continuing with another paddle, this one is very similar to the last, but slightly better. It's highly flexible material, long handle, and large rectangular surface area are all intentionally designed to provide the user with the best spanking experience possible. The electric shocks to the victim are just a fun bonus.
Cactus on a Stick - No, this is not some gimmick item from a Midwestern county fair. It's a goddamn cactus on a goddamn stick and you bet your sorry ass it's gonna fucking hurt. Badly.
Still Searing Hot Frying Pan - Do I even need to explain this one? The sheer power, the helpless cries of it's victims.... it's perfect. "But ShittyNews" you may be whining "isn't a frying pan too heavy!" Nonsense, we say. Just think of it as a way to work out! 100 reps of daily spanking with each hand ought to do the trick.