Pen Pals, Part 3: Promotions and Parenthood

Prudence

Prudence’s office, buried in the bowels of Svartalfheim, is still designed in the same 80s monochrome aesthetic she had back when she was a devil. She is still a production assistant for Ms. E, of course, but her talent agent work has expanded significantly. She has a small staff of drow to edit and manage specific Insta-Thot accounts. Too many transformations from Calypso’s seasons that results in contestants needing representation.

So, one of her assistants bringing her a particular survey result is strange. She is used to examining the aggregated data only.

“Flog me while I read.”

The assistant gets a flogger as Prudence lifts her wings. She wants to really feel the lashes. Between thanking her assistant for each blow, she reads:

SUBSCRIBER FEEDBACK FORM — TinaTitanofTrickery

Submitted by: S. Collins, Harem Queen, The HH

Question 1: Why did your subscription lapse?

☑ Other (please specify)

The subscription was complimentary and time-limited. I did not lapse so much as expire by design. I want this on the record because "I decided to be lame" is not an accurate characterization of my subscription management practices and I have a reputation to protect.

Question 2: Favorite content category?

☑ Requests for Tech Support

The one where the router kept cutting out and you troubleshot it in seventeen minutes while maintaining full professionalism in extremely difficult circumstances is genuinely some of the best content I have ever consumed. I showed it to Liesa. She agreed. The Stage Magic was also good. The IRL content was a lot. I have no further notes on the IRL content.

Question 3: Which new category would entice you to renew?

☑ Request for Parenting Advice

I am being completely sincere. Tina is, by my current count, about to have her 900th daughter. That is a sample size no pediatrician on Earth can match. If she is willing to share data on sleep schedules, conflict resolution between siblings 47 and 48, or how to explain "why is mom like that" to a six-year-old, I will pay full price. I would also watch Ice Cream Burrito Assembly Lessons, but that's more of a bonus track situation.

Question 4: Tina as Assistant Host — does this increase or decrease interest?

Increase. Significantly. An Assistant Host who needs to orgasm to sleep is either a scheduling nightmare or the most efficient workflow I've ever heard of. Either way I want to watch it happen. I have questions about how the challenge announcements work logistically and I believe only Behind the Scenes content will answer them.

Question 5: Tina regularly having sex with royalty — does this increase or decrease interest?

Neutral, trending increase. I know the royalty in question. Tyalangan is a good egg. I'm not going to pretend this information changes the content calculus significantly in either direction, but I do appreciate the transparency. Full disclosure: I am also, technically, engaged to someone who is in a relationship to a Master, which makes this survey approximately 40% more complicated than it appeared on the envelope.

Thoughts on the special video:

It was good. The part in the middle was unexpected. I had to pause it twice, once because Liesa walked in and once because I needed a minute. The production value was notably higher than the regular content, which was already solid. The callback to the Tech Support bit in the final thirty seconds was either a coincidence or a deliberate creative choice, and either way it worked.

I will not be purchasing a gift membership for anyone because I know exactly who I would send it to and I do not want to explain that to Norah.

Regarding the special offer:

Acknowledged. Declined. See above re: Norah.

S. Collins

Harem Queen / Project Manager / **** Demographer of the Copse-Wood Royal Family

P.S. — Prudence, if you're reading this: the email domain extension "haremhotel.co.MsE" is doing something to my brain. Is that intentional? Are you okay? Do you need tech support? I can forward the video.

“What shall we do with this submission, ma’am?” the assistant asks, continuing to whip the angel.

“Since the submission is not in the provided form, we need to evaluate it and manually input data. Obviously, we need to throw out the answer to Question 1, as we did not provide an ‘other’ option. Also, this client did have the option to renew her subscription, but chose not to.”

The angel thinks as she cums from a particularly flaying strike of the flogger. “For question 2, the answer is valid. Manually enter it. That was a good live stream. Tina did very well in listening to the audience for their white knighting tech support. Question 3 can also be manually entered. We should refer this client to some of our other Insta-Thot influencers. Tina would be asking for parenting advice, as she still relies mostly on Skye to do the hard work about raising children.”

“Manually enter Question 4 as increase and skip entering Question 5, unless the text convinces you that her increase leaning is significant enough to include it. Add her notes on the video to the next report we send to Tina. Finally, send this Norah a complimentary month of TinaTitanofTrickery, to start after the show.”

“Ooooh, that is naughty, ma’am.”

“Then I believe I deserve a spanking.”

Prudence bends over, in ecstasy from the heavy wooden paddle smacking into her cheeks, as she finally adds, “And, Ms. Collins, that is the standard protocol for the internal Harem Hotel network e-mail servers. The last bit is the pseudonym of the producer the worker is ultimately under. So, if you wanted to anonymously fill Shar’s network e-mail account with anti-cow-girl organization newsletters, you merely need to determine the pseudonym of her producer. Not that I would ever suggest you do such a naughty thing.”

Prudence wink at the camera and then closes her eyes, savoring how red her ass cheeks are already. Only two more hours, and then I’ll let him get back to work.

Skye

Skye wipes her brow. The kitchen is hot after breakfast. It looks like she’ll need to cook dinner in the fancy restaurant for... reasons, and she needs to spend time with the younger children. So, she takes the relative calm between breakfast and lunch to handle her letters quickly. She opens the first:

Skye,

Thank you for writing. And for watching. I know people watch — I've seen enough seasons myself to understand how it works — but it's still a little strange to think about sometimes. Strange in a good way, mostly.

I'm really glad the nudity reads the way you described. I think about it more than I probably should, whether it looks okay, whether it's — I don't know. Decent is a good word for what I'm trying for. The hair helps a lot. I'm grateful for the hair. Erin doesn't even get that. Did I mention I'm jealous of how much Erin owns it?

I should mention about the shoes, though. I do wear them. They're the one thing I'm actually allowed to wear, so I've kept them on principle. I hope that's not — I mean, I understand if that changes things, theologically. I just wanted to be honest about it.

The prayer book is beautiful. I've read through it. I haven't tried singing any of it yet. I kept thinking I should wait until I was sure I was ready, or sure I was doing it right, but I think maybe that's just an excuse. Emi has a copy too and I think we've both been putting it off. Maybe we should just do it together. That would probably be easier.

I don't know very much about the Lady of the Dance. But the part about devotion to a craft — getting better at something because it matters to you — that part I understood.

Thank you again for thinking of me.

Emily

“I’m glad you are open to The Lady’s wisdom, Emily. Seek it. She can help you own your decent state of nudity. And she can help you finding something to be devoted to.”

“I admit that I often let my first transformation influence my thinking too much. While I find wearing shoes distasteful, outside of safety concerns, that is a burden I bear. If you want to wear them, I will try my best to get over it. You are living your life. I’m not living it for you.”

“I will pray for you and yours. May The Lady of the Dance bless and keep you.”

The other letter is from Emi, who is always a treat. Skye smiles as she reads:

Skye!

95 years! I keep trying to imagine that and my brain just stops working. You have century-aged wine and I am still trying to figure out how to open a jar with six hands without making a mess. We are living very different lives.

The twins' naming ceremony — I need to know everything. What were the names? Were there songs? I keep picturing it and drawing it in my head, this long drow ceremony with everyone naked and the twins probably rolling their eyes a little because they are teenagers at heart even if they are technically adults now, and Aelenetheria trying very hard not to show how much it means to her. Am I close? Please tell me I am at least a little close. I want to draw it properly.

Also poor Aelenetheria. "They are still going by their Common names" is the most parent sentence I have ever read. I felt it.

Thank you for the Evermead. I am keeping it somewhere safe and not touching it until the moment is exactly right, I promise.

About being a divine descendant — I found out two days ago so I am still a little sideways about it honestly. Mostly I feel — I don't know. Overjoyed is the right word I think, even though it doesn't quite cover it. She told me after a very emotional evening. And she's my grandmother. I keep saying it to myself. My grandmother is Inanna. It doesn't get less strange but it keeps getting better every time.

I hope she and the Lady of the Dance get along. I think they would. They both seem like the kind of divine being who actually pays attention.

I'm worried about you, a little. Hosting sounds hard even when everything goes well, and Tyalangan's season sounds like it is not going well. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do from here, even just letters? I am good at letters. Obviously.

With so much love,

Emi

P.S. Not pregnant. Checked. The Evermead is safe.

“Time is weird as an elf. I try not to think about the human perspective on it anymore. It hurts to dwell on the implications.”

“Oh, the naming ceremony was so beautiful. Again, all of them are still using their Common names, despite my lady love Aelenetheria’s insistence. We blame the fact that we raised them in a Common-first language household. They all know Elvish and can speak it, they all understand the importance of having an adult name, but the Common child name still feels more real to them. I went through it too. Silmerana is my adult name, and I still really only use it in formal settings, even after all this time. Tyalangan adjusted to the whole adult name thing much more readily, but she has to deal with court a lot more often.”

“Anyways, it happened during a Full Moon Festival. The Lady of the Dance showed up, but that is a semi-regular occurrence at our family Full Moon Festivals. Each in turn presented themselves to The Lady, displayed their martial prowess, announced their adult name, and removed their robe to experience the decency of nudity for the first time in public. Ophelia, Tyalangan’s sea elf daughter, went first. She chose the name Alyasamo, which translates into ‘Blessed Helper’ in Common. She announced herself with a biting sarcasm that is kind of her brand. Ophelia is technically the eldest of our harem’s elven children, being hatched a few weeks before Aelenetheria and I gave birth to the children we carried. Lyra, Aelenetheria’s daughter, went second. She looked every bit like her birth mother as she wielded the blade Aelene used during her own adult naming ceremony. She chose the name Salmalinda, which translates into ‘Beautiful Lyre’ in Common. My twins, Summer and Winter, refused to do it alone. Summer did need to drag Winter onto the ‘stage,’ to be fair. I was so proud of them. They sparred instead of just going through a demonstration. My sunny Summer named herself Urinlaire, with translates to ‘Blazingly Hot Summer’ in Common. My often gloomier Winter chose the name Helchrive, which translates to ‘Bitterly Cold Winter’ in Common. They felt like the contrast between their child names should be preserved.”

“Then the singing and dancing began. Ophelia and Winter hung back a little, while Lyra and Summer hopped in with both feet. Gifts were given, personal things. I made a big feast. We danced and ate long into the night. Daphne passed out from crab cake; she loves her crab cake.”

“The next morning, Tyalangan led a more public facing ceremony, but that night was the true one.”

“I understand your joy as being the granddaughter of Inanna. I am a champion of The Lady, though I seem to spend my time on more domestic things than one would think a champion of a goddess would do. You’ll find your place with her. Give it time.”

“The season Hosting is a challenge, but I am managing. In fact, some of the Hotel work is good for both me and my harem-sisters. I often ended up spending too much time home schooling the younger harem-daughters. Running the kitchen means my other harem-sisters need to hop in for the kids. It’s also nice to spend some time with the adult harem-daughters working for the set, even if I did raise all of them. Talking adult problems with them is a good change of pace.”

“My wife has a tendency to try and bear the whole burden. We all chip in, though; even Josie, and Josie hates the whole concept of ever dealing with the show again. Some encouragement for her may help. Hugs in text form. Reminders that she has a bunch of wives that love her and want to help. She knows it, but she needs to hear it from someone outside.”

“Much love, Emi! I expect you all to come visit!”

Skye smiles as she wraps up. She needs to get back to work soon, but she takes a few more moments to reflect on motherhood. It has been a hard, but rewarding century. I love my life. I hope they can find that joy, too, The Lady!