Panic Attack

Lainey’s been spying on you…

She’s working with Mr. Hoffman…

“Jay,”

That mysterious woman who met with Courtney at the library…

She resembled Stella…

‘Stella’s looks are from my side of the family’

“Jay?”

She made it possible for Becca’s mom to threaten everyone…

And now, Becca’s mom wants me to personally convert her to her side…

“Dad?”

After all these years…

Is this how Lainey comes back into your life?

“Dad!” Stella shouts, snapping you out of your trance.

As your eyes adjust from blurred vision, you immediately notice the look of concern on every single one of your girlfriends’ faces. They’re waiting to see if you’re alright. You see Cassie, Stella, Brooke, and Becca’s looks of concern and it eats you up.

You should be strong for them.

The same distracted faces you saw earlier are now looking at you with worry. The same faces you wanted to remind of tonight being a celebration of your relationship.

They have enough to worry about.

Your girlfriends continue to stare at you silently.

They’re waiting for you to assure them that everything’s going to be alright.

“Is everything alright?” You hear Celeste ask from over your shoulder. Without a second thought, you stand up from your seat, taking everyone by surprise. Despite your sudden stand at attention, words can’t escape your lips.

“We’re fine, C.” You hear Viv reply to Celeste, but it sounds distant. It even sounds like you’re hearing it from underwater. “Go back to the party, we’re just handling some stuff here.” You hear Viv say again.

“Jay?” You hear Celeste address you, but your thoughts feel like they’re wading through mud.

You feel a sudden touch on your shoulder, and Celeste immediately gasps.

Was that gasp from Celeste because of you? What did you do?

Now you feel two hands gripping each of your arms tightly.

“Dad, we’re here.” You hear Stella say.

“Breathe, Jay.” You hear Cassie follow up.

‘I need to go to the bathroom.’ You tell them, before turning around and walking aimlessly through the restaurant floor.

“Dad!” You hear Stella shout after you.

‘Don’t follow me, baby. I’m going to the bathroom’ You tell her.

You go through a door. It leads to a hallway with multiple doors.

Which one of these was the bathroom again?

It’s this one, right?

You open a door and walk inside. You see a white block in the middle of the room. A blurred black thing behind it, and a couple of brown blobs in front. There’s a sea of blue framing the white block and blurred black thing.

Where’s the toilet?

You push aside the brown blobs in front of you and place your hands on the white block. You stare at the surface of the white block. It feels wet on your hands.

This is a weird looking sink.

You take deep breaths. You feel something coming up from your chest. You just want to let it out.

Just let go.

You want to let go, but it’s stuck in your chest. It won’t go up any further. It’s feeling heavier and heavier.

‘I must have eaten something bad that upset my stomach.’

Don’t tell Viv that.

‘Wait, have they served food already?’

You hear the door to the bathroom door open.

‘Occupied.’ You tell the person who opened the door.

You hear the door close.

You hear a lock click.

‘I said ‘occupied’!’ You shout at the person who locked themselves in with you.

You feel arms wrap around your stomach.

Are they trying to heimlich the puke out of you? What’s going on?

You feel their forehead pressed to your back now.

What a weirdo.

“You don’t deserve this.” You hear a voice say.

‘Becca?’

“None of you deserve what I’ve brought into this relationship.” You hear Becca’s voice say.

Your mind finally clears from the fog.

You’re inside Viv and Becca’s shared office, your palms are moist with sweat as they rest on Viv and Becca’s shared desk. The two brown blobs were apparently sitting chairs, and the black thing was their office chair. The sea of blue that framed it were binders stacked on a shelf behind the desk.

Becca’s hugging you from behind. You feel her forehead resting between your shoulder blades. You hear it. A labored intake of breath. A sniffle soon follows. You turn around and confirm that Becca’s in tears. Her head’s down, her shoulders are slumped, you can see her tears running down her chin.

You feel your chest tighten again, but it’s a lot clearer now that it’s not because you want to puke. The weight on your chest is guilt. Guilt for being weak, for being unable to be the rock that your girlfriends can lean on in times like these, for being… you.

You wrap Becca in your arms. As incapable as you are, you want to alleviate her of the burden she feels. For a moment it feels like it’s working. You feel her hands on your back as she returns the hug. This moment of shared relief lasts only for a split-second, before Becca pushes you away from her.

Her eyes are red from crying, her lips quivering as its corners slump downward into a frown… but, even more obvious, is that she’s angry. You can feel the burning intensity in her eyes. It’s a stark contrast from the cold and calculating woman that first introduced herself to you.

“NO!” Becca shouts at you, and you don’t know why.

“Becca…” You say in a calming tone.

“No.” Becca repeats. “I… I didn’t come here to be… to be consoled.” Becca tells you.

“I didn’t either, Becca.” You tell her. “But you came to me anyway.” You add sweetly, and hearing your words seems like it hurt Becca more than it eased her pain.

“I didn’t come here for that.” Becca admits, the words sounding like they almost got stuck in her throat on their way out.

“What did you come here for then?” You ask her, confused.

“I came here…” Becca tries to say, gulping down whatever’s stuck in her throat that’s preventing her from saying what she has to say fluidly.

“I came here to say goodbye.”

[Minisode] # 10: Big Trouble in Little Vietnam

(The following is written in 3rd Person POV…)

A few minutes ago, right after Jay left…

“What the hell was that about?” Celeste asks the group.

“Jay just… we have a lot on our minds right now, C. I don’t know what more I can tell you.” Viv answers.

“Is everything alright, mama?” Nelly asks, her sister Sofia beside her, after making their way to the table. Tanya assures both her daughters that everything’s alright, but the two girls stay in their spot, waiting for a more concrete explanation of what happened.

Paige and Tricia make their way to the group as well. The latter asks Maddy with the same concerns, while Paige informs Becca that all the guests have their eyes on the table now due Stella’s loud exclamations and Jay seemingly looking distraught after he walked away.

Becca is clearly calculating what to do next, but Paige recognizes something’s different with her boss. Paige has seen Becca look stressed before. Just this morning it felt like that when her mother and brother unexpectedly arrived. However, this is that but multiplied exponentially. Becca looks like she can barely hold in the scream she’s trying to let out.

Brad has made his way to the group now too, asking Brooke if he could help in any way.

With the amount of people gathering at their table now, and the eyes of their party guests focused solely on them, Becca starts biting the nail of her thumb.

“Becca, what’s wrong?” Marybeth asks Becca, but Becca just ignores her. Signaling to Marybeth that something is definitely wrong with her. Cassie tries to assure Marybeth that Becca just has a lot on her mind and needs time to think, but Becca’s longtime maternal figure knows her more than anyone. Marybeth takes Becca’s free hand in hers, and Marybeth immediately notices they’re moist with cold sweat.

“Talk to me. It’s alright.” Marybeth tries to assure Becca, placing a hand on Becca's cheek.

“I…” Becca lets out, before closing her eyes. A single tear falls from her eye, wetting Marybeth’s hand on her cheek. Becca takes a deep breath, a manic smile appearing across her lips.

“I know what I have to do.” Becca says confidently.

…

“I have to go.”