Oh Right, Eddie Is All Alone

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Thank you and I hope you're enjoying Chapter Eight of My Second Chance!

And I get it. I get the part he isn't saying out loud and the part that I hadn't really considered.

This time around I had Rachel and Jake and Lucas. I even had Blake, even if that wasn't wanted attention.

But I'd kind of forgotten that Eddie only had me and without me around, well he had no one at all. Given who he was, it was easy to see how that could make him spiral.

I had to be cautious and careful, but I had to let him know that it wasn't the only way. He didn't have to be alone anymore.

"Fake it until you make it isn't really a lie, Eddie. Sometimes you have to pretend you have confidence in order to find your confidence. And you're a lot more engaging than you think you are. You've got charms, you just need to know how to use them."

He scoffs, but I don't let it stand.

"Eddie, just be nice. It's not good advice I know but it's the only advice I've got for you. Be nice and open yourself up to people and they might surprise you."

"I doubt that," he says under his breath and I follow his gaze across the group and I see that he only has eyes for one.

Rachel. The object of his dreams and his desires. He's early in his crush but he's already starting to raise her up and hate her at the same time for it. Because Eddie has a hard time separating out hard emotions from each other and they get all confused in his small little mind at times and his trauma, valid as it is, won't open himself up to the possibility that he might have a chance.

"She's really something," I say quietly and Eddie reacts visibly, tensing and nearly violently at my insinuation until I hold up a hand to calm him down, "Eddie Rachel is a good girl and she is well out of your league and I'm not going to say that you have a shot but I'm going to tell you that she's nice enough that even if you blow it entirely she won't hold it against you and she definitely won't humiliate you for it. But you won't have a shot if you don't take it. And if you never pull the trigger, you'll always wonder what if."

I think he's grown, even in this short time. Enough at least that he gives it a chance and asks so quietly and so weakly that it's **** and I remember, in that moment, that he's not the Eddie I knew. Not the one with all the baggage and the layers of hate.

This Eddie is so young and he's so open to possibilities. He's open to the chance to change.

"With her? Really?"

"You'd be surprised," I say, not telling him that she's already harboring a little crush of her own because frankly that would probably only mess with his fragile little mind.

We wait a moment and we watch boy-Kim wrap up his little speech and gather everyone in on the walk to the last stop on this half of the tour. It takes us half the distance for Eddie to ask the one question that he's avoided all this time.

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